Him & I

Love Lies

It's not easy for someone to catch my eye
But I've been waitin' on you for my whole damn life
For my whole lifetime
Don't be afraid to tell me if you ain't with it
I see you're focused, yeah you're so independent
It's hard for me to open up, I'll admit it
You've got some shit to say and I'm here to listen
So baby, tell me where your love lies
——Love Lies, Khalid ft. Normani

February 28, 2019

Grayson was in Denver, having arrived late the night before. He'd watched from the bench as the Jazz overcame a slow start to beat the Clippers, 111-105. 

He'd been turning his conversation with Cait over in his head.  He wanted to be supportive. He wanted to let her do whatever she wanted to do. But he couldn't deny that he had his own feelings on the matter.

They were selfish.  He knew that.  But selfishly, he wanted her to be with him, not off skiing the globe. 

He'd been really proud of her the previous year.  But she'd told him she was done and he'd relied on that.  He felt like he'd been waiting on her to come back forever and now that she was here, she was talking about leaving again.

It was hard to accept, when she'd spent so much time telling him that she could walk away. He didn't understand what had changed or why skiing was suddenly apparently appealing to her when she'd told him just over two months ago that she didn't miss it. Had she been lying about that?

The hard part was that he knew how much she loved to watch him on the court.  She even sat in that stupid community college gym and watched him play in front of 200 people in the G League.  She always insisted on being there.  And even when he was inactive or hurt, she sat at Jazz games.  For him.

He'd never seen her compete in person, would never see her compete in person, no matter what she decided.  And that made him feel like a jackass.

Feelings were what they were, he reminded himself. He needed to accept them. But he also needed to control his actions.

He couldn't tell Cait how he felt about this. He knew that if he told her that he didn't want her to ski, she wouldn't. But he didn't want her to ever resent him.  And he'd recognized early on in their relationship that the potential existed that that was exactly what would happen if he pressured her.

Being the supportive significant other was hard damn work.  And Cait had been doing it for him for a long time now. 

He forced himself to meditate, to try to get some peace and serenity.  He might actually have to play tonight, because Ricky and Raul were both out.  So he had to focus on the game.  Whatever Cait decided, he'd deal with it.  There wasn't any other choice.

*****

Cait was meditating too, before going to work out.  Then she had a heap of errands to run and some laundry to do before watching the game against Denver.  And she needed to call Marvin, who'd been injured the night before.

She forced herself to set everything else aside and go through her day.  Grayson would be home for the weekend, before presumably leaving for New Orleans and Memphis. She would be leaving for New York on Tuesday, would be there for most of the following week. And she needed to go to New York, even if Grayson wound up staying in Salt Lake City to play for the Stars.