Him & I

You Are The Reason

There goes my heart beating
'Cause you are the reason
I'm losing my sleep
Please come back now
There goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
I'm hopeless now
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
'Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
——You Are The Reason, Calum Scott, ft. Leona Lewis

December 31, 2018

Grayson woke later than usual. He hadn't slept well at all. It was the first time he'd truly been alone since Vegas and he had allowed himself to think about everything.

They'd lost a baby. He'd thought about what it would have been like if they hadn't lost her. How different Christmas might have been. What he'd be feeling today, on the verge of a new year.

He knew he had to put it aside when he needed to focus on basketball, on his job. But alone in the quiet, he had time to think about it. And to start to realize the magnitude of the loss.

What would she have been like, their daughter?  Shy and dorky like him?  God, he hoped not.  A spitfire, like Cait? 

She would have been smart.  That much he knew.  And probably volatile.  Tough to say which parent she would have gotten that from.

He suddenly felt the giant aching loss and understood what Cait had been feeling.  She'd wanted him to help her fill that void.  And he'd failed.

He'd hoped that she would be back by now, before he went on the road again. Kept hoping she would walk through the door.

But he was here alone, feeling the same things she'd been feeling.  And he suddenly understood.  It was hard to mourn without her. 

*****

Cait had the hotel information and the team's travel details.  But she didn't know if they'd be going out or something.  It was New Year's Eve, after all.

She didn't want to go out. It was time that she and Grayson deal with this.  So she texted Donovan, who promised that they'd be at the hotel when she arrived.  Promised that they'd keep Grayson there.  And that he'd give Cait his room number as soon as they checked in.

Traveling with her arm in a cast was no fun. And it forced Cait to pack light. But she wouldn't be here long. And she'd have help at her next destination.

She managed a cab from the airport to the hotel. And she took a deep breath as she walked into the lobby.

*****

Grayson really wanted to be alone, but, for some reason, Donovan was stuck to him. And so were Georges and Joe.

They appeared at his room and barged their way in, insisting that they hang out. But when Grayson suggested they go to the conference room that was set up as a lounge for the team's use, they all quickly declined. Instead, all three of them were settled in his room.

He hinted that he'd been thinking about a nap. But they ignored him. He was getting ready to flat out kick their asses out when Donovan suddenly glanced down at his phone. And then looked up at the other two.