Please don't fall (Shawmila)

11

Camila's POV

We both sat on my bed, not saying anything. What should I tell her? I know I can't tell her about the blackmailing.... It would only be a matter of time until the person somehow would find out and everything would get even worse and I don't think I was ready for that. But there is still something I wasn't understanding about Lauren. If she cares about me so much, how does she not notice how bad I' hurting because of her and the other girls? does she not notice the glances they give me? The harsh words? The criticism? Or even how the exclude me? I think someone who really cares would notice something like that. She would notice me hurting if she was really my friend. she should've been there when I needed her and not come now after seeing my having a panic attack because everything was to much. she should've been there before I was starting to hurt. But then again, I can't blame her.  I mean, look at me... who would spend a day loving me? I would never be able to give something in return... I have nothing to give in return.

I sat on my bed, with the blanket over my legs and played anxiously with my fingers while Lauren watched me. My breathing was getting faster again and I could feel my hands starting to tremble slightly....not again. 'What should I say?' I asked myself for the 100 time. But I didn't had to say anything because Lauren started talking. "Hey Camz.... stay calm please." she put her hand on top of my trembling and sweaty hands. But it didn't help. The trembling stayed and the dizziness returned so I closed my eyes. 'why am I so freaking weak?'. I opened my eyes and the tears started immediately to fall from my eyes so I closed them again because I didn't want to face Lauren and see her disappointed or even disgusted face. I then felt Laurens Thumb in my face, wiping away my tears. Why was she still here?

"Please just talk to me Camz. It's not going to get better if you keep quiet. Just explain what you did at the bathroom today and whats that with all those panic attacks. I'm worried and I want you to know I am." she spoke softly. Maybe I could just make up an excuse for what I did ant the bathroom today and I had one in my head. So I wiped away the last coupe of tears that were streaming down my face and looked up in Laurens face. Her usually bright green eyes were dark and dills with concern, concern for me. I choose my words carefully.

"Ehm...well. Today at the bathroom. You know how I didn't wanted to eat today right?" She nodded, probably remembering the drama I caused at the restaurant. "Well, it was because I felt sick to my stomach in the morning and felt like throwing up the whole day." I explained carefully, hoping she would buy my excuse. She looked skeptical but I kept talking. "So I ate as much as I could before I felt really sick. And when we went to the park I felt the urge to throw up. that's why I wanted to go alone, no one should see someone throw up and I didn't wanted to interrupt you because I can do this on my own." And the there was silence. I looked down to my hands again, feeling anxious. "Then why didn't you just tell us you were feeling sick?" "Because I wanted to go out. I didn't want to be stuck in my room all day." "Someone could have stay-" "No. I could't just ruin someones day off. Thats why I came with you." "And why did you get an panic attack a few minutes ago?" She was asking a lot of questions. "I was feeling sick again but since I hadn't told any of you I tried to deal with it but I obviously failed." Silence again. 'Did she buy my excuse?'. My forehead was getting sweaty again after two minutes of silence and Lauren just staring at my blanket. But then she looked up in my eyes again. The concern was still there and her usually light green eyes were still dark, but not as dark as before. "You know you should tell one of us or one of the crew members when you're feeling sick. All this touring is overwhelming and can make us sick. We are touring without breaks sometimes, just like last week, of course it's ok to get sick, especially you, you barley get sick." She was stroking her thumb along my hand. I just shrugged my shoulders and leaned back on my bed, relaxed that she bought it. "But are you feeling ok at the moment?" I nodded. Of course I was feeling ok,  after all I wasn't alone I never felt sick to my stomach but she didn't had to know that. "I think you should rest a little and we will call you for dinner ok?" She offered. "But please don't tell them I'm feeling sick ok?" She looked at me with a questioning face. "Why?" "Just don't. Please."  She nodded, got up carefully and hugged me before leaving me alone in mine and Allys room. I Didn't want to be alone but she was gone for now.

The room felt cold without someone in the room. Since the room was so quiet and I for once, wasn't in my mind, I could hear the girls laughing next door. They were having fun but I was perfectly fine with that. Feeling a little calmed down I got out of med, walked over to my purse and pulled out my cigarettes. I needed the now but I was definitely not using them on the balcony, knowing that the girls were next door and could come out to the other balcony at any minute. So I slipped on my black high wasted jeans , an oversized hoodie and walked out the room with my phone, the cigarettes and the lighter in my hoodie pocket. I called the elevator and went down to the ground floor where the reception was. And there I saw him. The creepy man that gave me the lighter. And he was staring at me again, well, not exactly staring but checking me out. But luckily there were more people down here because it was like 4 pm so he didn't had time to check me abut for a long time because guests came to his counter. I just walked towards the entry and to the back of the hotel so no one would see me. I made sure no one was there and lit my cigarette. Once I had taken in the first breath of the hot steam, I swallowed it. Just when I was about to push again on the cigarette, someone tapped on my shoulder. I let the cigarette fall to the ground and turned around to face the person behind me. Oh no... please no.

Cliffhanger .