Please don't fall (Shawmila)

14

Camila's POV

I was laying on my bed while Lauren was starting to put the lotion carefully on my back. She started on the bottom of my back and I flinched again at the painful contact. This really hurt. I closed my eyes while Lauren finished putting the lotion on my back. When she was done I sat up and she reached for my right wrist. "Let me put some lotion on your wrist too." she said and poured it on my wrist carefully, not wanting to hurt me more.

After putting lotion on my wrist she put the cream back on the table. "So where should I sleep?" she asked me. "You don't have to sleep here with me." I said. I was probably a huge burden to her at the moment. She was stuck here with me while she could have gone out to have fun. "But I want to." She said and smiled softly at me. I gave her a small smile back and made some space on my bed for her to sit next to me. "Thank you." I said quietly before slipping under the covers of my bed. "For what? For putting the lotion on your injuries?" Oh Lauren. "No....well yes... for that too... but for being my friend right now." I know she remembered our conversation from earlier where I had told her that she wasn't there when I needed her. "I want to be there for you when you need me." She said just as if she had read my mind. She sat down on the free spot next to me but then also slipped under the covers with me. We used to do this a lot back then but we just drifted apart. There was some space between us and I was perfectly fine with that. I wasn't laying comfortable though. I had to lay on my belly because my back hurt so bad. I think Lauren noticed because she spoke "You're not comfortable right?" I nodded lightly. "Then come here." she said and opened her arms for me to lay in them. I came closer to her and was a little scared of the new contact, well, not exactly new but we were in bed. People could think something different but this was definitely just Lauren being a really good friend. I laid in her arms on my side so my back wouldn't either touch her or the mattress.My face was very close to her face and I could smell her hair. It made me calm down a bit and I relaxed in her arms. This position was way more comfortable than my position before.

After a few minutes I heard an even breathing coming from the girl in which arms I was laying and I knew she was sleeping. But I could not sleep. I felt really tired but not tired in the way of sleeping. More tired like, tired of this world, tired of everything that has happened or is happening, tired of life. But the thoughts kept me awake, again, just like every other night. I slowly pushed my hand out from under the covers to grab my phone that Lauren had put back on my nightstand. I pushed myself a little out of Laurens embrace and looked at my cracked screen. It's a miracle that the phone was still working. I looked at the screen and saw some new messages.... unknown....great. I never had like twitter notifications or Instagram notifications because I muted all those apps, not only because I get like million of messages and notifications every day but also because of all the hate. It pushed me down every time I saw it. People might think it doesn't affect me but in fact it really does, it really does. People should realize that famous people that seem to have a 'perfect' life also have troubles and get hurt. We may work I the industry but that doesn't mean we don't get emotional. We are just like all those other people. Just because we make it look like we don't care about messages people send us no matter if its love or hate...we have emotions...

I stopped the train of thoughts and unlocked my phone to see the new message from 'UNKNOWN'. Of course I was kinda scared but when wasn't I? So I went to my messenger and tapped on the new message.

Unknown: 'Everything happens for a reason right? ;P'

That was all the message said. And I knew what he was talking about. It happend because I deserve it. The ignoring, the hate and even the rape. And I did still not understand what Lauren was doing here with me.

I didn't reply, like always and locked my phone again to put it back on the table, when I accidentally opened my Instagram and was send directly to my notifications from my last post. It was a post of all five of us on stage while doing the sound check a few weeks ago. I saw a lot of love in the comments like 'You are gorgeous Camila!' or 'We love you' and Hashtags like '#Harmonizers' and '#5HTour' but of course there was hate like always. I wanted to ignore it at first when a comment catches my eye. 'You see how Camila doesn't fit into this group? Look at her. All of them have something special like Ally is small and sweet, Normani has a darker skin color and makes herself special, Dinah I so funny and Lauren has the piercing green eyes. And their voices. Damn Girls. But Camila? What does she have that is 'so special'? When she sings her voice is always too high and she cracks jokes that aren't even funny. Think this through.' I read This comment more than 5 times until I came to the point where I actually agreed with everything the person had just said. This comment had a lot of replies, a few did defend me but a lot did agree, and that pushed me over the edge. I started crying, again. But this time in silence because I didn't wanted to wake Lauren up. She already did enough. I let my phone sink and didn't bother to lock it. I just laid there sobbing quietly, waiting for the next day to arrive. I usually would smoke now but there was no way I could get out of Laurens embrace without waking her up so I held still.

Another sleepless night.

The hate comment is not how I see camz! I absolutely love her and would do everything to defend her! It's just a fan fiction !!

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