Please don't fall (Shawmila)

59

Camila's POV

When we arrived at home, we ate lunch, which I forced down my throat. I was really upset with my weight... and I could tell I was dragging Shawn down with me, but he didn't let it show. He tried to comfort me the whole afternoon by just cuddling me while watching movies or telling me how beautiful I am or just sweet words... but it all just passed my ears. This day has been bad for me... but I knew I had something planned for Shawn tonight...  I needed to show him that he also meant a lot to me. I freed myself from his embrace and got up to grab my notebook. I needed to finish some Lins for the songs and I even had practiced it on guitar... I was just really worried. 

I sat back down next to Shawn and he immediately put his arm back around me. He was really concentrated on the movie so he didn't really mind what I was writing down. It was almost dark outside and I wanted to sing him the songs outside on the roof tonight. So I hurried. 

I opened the page with the song 'Someone new'  and looked at the last line I had written down. I was only missing maybe 2 or three lines so I tried coming up with something. 'I'm not ready for you now, please don't hate me' was the last line I wrote from the bridge. It didn't mean I wasn't ready... it meant more like... I haven't been ready for a long time... for commitment or any type of love... but now, I finally am. I was ready for love. I just hoped he was too. I the went through the whole song in my head and when it sounded kind of ok, I flipped the page and started writing a diary entry. 

After one page, Shawn looked at me. "What are you so concentrated on?" He asked curious. "I... I'm just writing a diary entry." I said. I don't know why I was so nervous. Probably because I was already anxious about playing him the songs and confessing my love to him... and it was the perfect time now. The sun was already going down. "Shawn? Do you think we could spend the sunset outside?" I asked him, hoping him to say yes. "Yeah sure. Let's just take some blankets outside so it won't be cold." He stood up, grabbing a basket with pillows and blankets, threw one of hi hoodies towards me and grabbed my hand to walk outside. I was extremely nervous... would he say yeas? Would he leave me? What would he do? "Hey... you're shaking.... you ok?" Shawn asked, while walking outside. "Yeah... yeah.." I said, you could clearly tell my voice was shaking. We spread the blanket near the railing and he placed the pillows for us to be comfortable. "I- can I- can I borrow your guitar?" I asked him unsure. I needed it. I had used it to practice the song almost every night since I started writing the songs. "Yeah, sure. I'll get it for you alright?" He said, standing up and giving me a soft smile while walking back inside. when he was inside, I pulled my knees up to my chest, laying my head on top and opening the notebook pages with the songs. In my eyes the songs were okay but I couldn't come up with anything better so I just took these. 

Shawn came back with the guitar in one hand and a tray with food on the other. I smiled at him as he sat down and he leaned in to kiss me, is did I. "Thank you." I whispered, taking the guitar from his hand. Okay... this was it... now or never...

"Shawn?" "Yeah?" he said, plopping a grape into his mouth. "I... I wrote some songs... and I want to sing them for you.... is that okay?" I asked unsure. "Of course Mila. I'm sure they are great." He said, putting his hand on top of mine and kissing my temple. I pulled the guitar to my chest and strummed the first chord. I knew the song without needing to read it but I was still very nervous about singing to him. I started with 'Someone you loved'.

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

I looked up at him after the first line, seeing how concentrated he was.

This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold