Please don't fall (Shawmila)

46

Camila's POV
The whole day was spent in our room chilling. We didn't really do anything apart from once calling the girls, asking how tour was going. I had to spend 3 more days in this hotel before being able to fly back home. But this time I would be flying home to Shawns Condo in Toronto. He invited me and my mom was okay with it, since she knows how much he cares about me.

It was now evening and I needed to sleep because I felt exhausted and my throat was hurting really bad. Shawn had already given me my medicine but it wasn't doing anything.

I was in the bathroom changing clothes and getting ready for bed. Shawn was already done and was making the bed comfortable for us to sleep in. I had just brushed my teeth and stripped my clothes of. I still looked horrible. The cuts on my arms, bruises which formed pretty quickly and I could see that I had already gained weight because you couldn't see my rips as good as you could before. My eyes scanned my body and when my eyes reached my bra and my panties my eyes welled even more up with even more tears than I had already falling. I still was mad at myself for not doing anything about that moment. How was I so dumb. Why did I not run out of that stupid alley? Why? I could have prevented it. My life went downhill so bad... And I wasn't seeing a way of ever fixing in completely. I let out a loud sob and since I wasn't allowed to close the bathroom door, I hadn't noticed Shawn standing on the doorframe. I only noticed when he put his hand on my bare shoulder. I flinched when his warm hand made contact with my cold skin. I knew it was Shawn but I closed my eyes and the images I had weren't Shawn. It was the man. The man who had raped me. I wanted to push his hand away but he pulled me closer and feeling his chest agains my back made me calm down. I opened my eyes just to make sure it was Shawn. It was. And he looked worried again. "Mila... come. Let's lay down." He whispered, wiping my tears away and gently kissing my shoulder. I nodded, and walked with him to the bed. He pulled out a big black hoodie of his and gave it to me. I pulled it over and laid in bed next to him. He was sleeping shirtless but I was used to that. I was still sobbing slightly but he gave me comfort by spooning me and holding both of my hands, which were tiny compared to his. I was so glad that he was here with me. And with that thought I fell into a light sleep.

A few hours later I woke up again. I was trembling slightly and sweating. Shawn's arms weren't around me anymore and he was laying on the other side of the bed. That was good, I didn't wake him up. So I got out of bed and walked towards the balcony where we had eaten the day before. It was super early... only around 3 am. I stood there for a bit, watching the lights and the moon before walking back inside, grabbing my purse and waking back outside. This time I closed the curtains in front of the door and the door too. I pulled out the box of cigarettes which I still had there and the lighter. U wasn't sure if it was gonna hurt my throat but nothing was as bad as the pain of being alive right now. So I lit up the cigarette and pulled it in between my lips. I felt relaxing at first.... but hurt like hell when I swallowed the smoke. Tears stung in my eyes but all I thought about was how I deserved this. So I kept on smoking until the cigarette was done. After throwing it away I just stood there, thinking. I only had one of Shawn hoodies on, no pants. So it was quite cold. I would probably catch a flu after this but whatever.

I entered quietly and sat on my bed side. Shawn was peacefully sleeping. I wish i could too... How long has it been since I've slept normally? Way to long...

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I don't understand how this is so short.... I'm super sorry... But I've been writing a lot on this book recently....