Please don't fall (Shawmila)

86

I koinda promised I would update today... it technically isn't the same day for me anymore, it's currently 12:43 am but anyways
Oh and this is probably the only chapter I ever proof read so there shouldn't be big mistakes! Sorry for having Mistakes in my previous chapters but as I said... my autocorrect is german...

Camila's POV

"Camila! It's time to get back into the studio!" I heard Lauren outside of my door. I groaned, opening my eyes in pain and getting up. I walked to the door and Lauren was waiting. "Come on. We are always waiting for you. They said 10 minutes, not half an hour." she said, grabbing my arm forcefully and dragging me to the studio. Why was she being so mean? It was really hurting how she was grabbing me but what wasn't hurting at the moment? "Camila!" the producer groaned. "Finally! Get it! It's your turn!" He said, rushing me into the booth alone, while the others sat on the couch, observing me. I felt so uncomfortable. "We are on Lonely Night right now. Give it your best. The others just needed about three tries. I hope you don't take any longer." I nodded weakly, knowing that I wouldn't be able to make it in three tries. The music started and I started singing the first line, my voice breaking completely. "Again!" he said, restarting the music. I did the same again... messing up again. And again... and again. "Camila! What are you doing!?" He screamed. I was on the verge of crying, my eyes brimming with tears while I dug my nails into my palms to not have a panic attack. "I... I'm sick..." I said quietly. "You are sick? Why didn't you tell us! We wouldn't have waisted our time with you!" I nodded, looking at the ground. "Out! Go to bed, rest and come back when you're fully healthy and we can work with you again." he said harshly, shoving me out of the booth. The girls eyes following me. I grabbed my notebook and walked into my room, head hanging low. I closed the door behind me, dropping back down onto my bed, pulling off the hoodie because I was feeling very hot. I didn't even pull a blanket over my body. I just laid on my bed in a top and my notebook in my hand, crying.

I woke back up by my phone ringing. I looked at the screen. Shawn. So I quickly picked up, hoping he would come back home quickly.

C: Shawn?

S: Baby? Are you done with recording for today?

C: I- I.... can you come home please? I.... I need you..

I said, scared to tell him that I was kicked out of the studio.

S: Are you not feeling well? I'm coming right now, okay? Just rest and I'll be there in no time. I love you.

C: I love you too... see you soon.

I said, before the line went dead. I dropped back into my bed, just looking up at the ceiling. I am not enough for this group.... I really am not... I stood up, walking to my balcony and lighting up another cigarette. I needed to be quick since I didn't know when Shawn would be back home. I quickly smoked the cigarette and walked back inside, spraying a ton of body spray on my body. Then, I sat back down on my bed, opening my notebook, deciding to write another diary entry. I wrote about everything that has been going on recently, crying again as tears made the tint of my pen blur. I sniffled, suddenly feeling extremely cold again.Ugh... I hate this. I pulled on the hoodie again and wrapped myself up in my blanket. I was shivering and still crying. I was just feeling so miserable. I had been kicked out of the studio... I was back in my depression... I was feeling alone... I am not worth it... I am sick.... what could possibly go more wrong right now?

Shawn opened the door quietly. "Mila?" he whisper. "Hmm." I said, slowly turning to him. "How are you feeling?" "N-Not good..." I said, closing my eyes in discomfort. He pulled off his jacket, shirt and jeans, gettin in bed next to me, only in his boxers. "I don't want you to get sick..." I said, shifting a bit away from him. "Mila, I won't... as long as we don't kiss" he smiled, pulling me into his embrace. "Where w-were you?" "Shh... we can talk later baby.... rest for now. You are shivering." he noticed, rubbing my sides with his hands. I closed my eyes, tiredly, falling into a sleep, still freezing.

Shawn's POV

I was really worried about her, I can't say it enough. She is sick again... probably because of the stress. Something is not right... her mental health is... bad right now. She always tells me how uncomfortable she feels... and now here she was, sleeping in my arms, shivering. I had wrapped the blanket around her body and two of my jackets but she was still freezing. I even had my arms around her... but nothing seemed to help. Maybe I should make her a soup? Yeah... I stood up, pulling my huge pillow over her body and pressing a soft kiss on her sweaty forehead before leaving and walking into the kitchen. I was hoping to not meet any of the girls. I was kind of disappointed...This is just... I don't know... it's showing me that they obviously don't care about her. I walked into the kitchen, hearing laughter. But they did not come from the kitchen or living room. It was one of the other girl rooms. I was quite relieved. In the kitchen I opened the drawers and searched for one of this quick bag soups. I found one... a noodle soup. I pulled it out, putting some hot water into one of the pots and putting the powder into the boiling water. It only took a few minutes until it was ready. I took out two bowls and two spoons, putting some soup into both bowls before waling back to her room. I quickly glanced over to her, seeing her still asleep but moving a bit. I quickly rushed out of the room, grabbing two glasses of water to keep her hydrated and one for myself before rushing back to her room. I placed everything on the table in her room and walked over to her side. She had sweat on her forehead, which I softly wiped away. "Baby... come, wake up so we can eat something... I made you some soup." I whispered into her ear. Her tired eyes fluttered open but closed again as she let out a groan. "Come.." I tried again. She sat up with my help. "I made some soup... want some?" She nodded her head. I walked over, taking her bowl and her spoon, brining it to her. She took it, her hand shaking slightly. "Hey.. you okay?" I asked, noticing how not only her hand was shaking but also her whole body now. "Are you feeling cold again?" I asked, thinking she was shivering "N- no... p... panic" and I understood, taking the things again and placing them on her bedside table. She was about to have a panic attack. She closed her eyes as I sat next to her. "Copy my breathing baby." I said, trying to react before she could have the panic attack. She tried copying my breathing for a few seconds as I held her hands after asking for her permission and then I felt her body stop shaking. I kissed her forehead, not letting go of her hands. "You are so strong baby. I love you." I smiled at her, proud that we were able to stop the panic attack. She kissed my cheek and let her back hit the back of the bed again. "Ready to eat now?" I asked after a few more minutes of making sure she was okay. She nodded again and I gave her the bowl. She was strong enough to hold it herself so I got my own bowl and sat down next to her, as we both ate.

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Poor baby...

Today was probably one of the worst days fo me... the day I'm writing this it's Mothers Day...