Please don't fall (Shawmila)

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Camila's POV

As soon as my mom and I got back home I looked my bedroom door again and spent the next four days in there. I, again, had picked up the habit of smoking. Shawn texted me every day, asking how I was doing. Of course I wasn't doing too good but I think he knew.

Only one more day and we were going back on tour. Most of the fans were exited. Shawn is coming later. My Instagram showed mixed reactions though. Like always, I looked through the comments of our post. A lot of excitement but also... hate. Imm not the only one out of us getting hate. It's just.... I get the most and I'm the one who can't really deal with it.
So while looking through the comments I saw a lot of hurtful words...

"Not gonna come with Camila there ✌🏻"

„Why Couldn't CamiLLa stay home?"

„Camila is outstanding....bad"

"So...I was hoping Camila would leave."

Of course those comments brought tears to my eyes. I wiped them away and walked towards the bathroom. Again, I grabbed my blade and slid it across my already very harmed wrist. When there was no space left, i pulled up my shirt to reveal my stomach and made some cut on my stomach. I just didn't care anymore. Why should I? Most people want me to be gone anyways. Even myself. Why was I still alive? Shawn. Sofi. Mom and Dad. The only reasons. I could never just leave my little sister alone. Even though we don't see each other, I know she loves me. And Mom and Dad... they are working.
After looking myself up and down in the mirror I forcefully wiped my eyes, smudging my mascara even more, and walked out, laying down in my bed.
—
"Mila?" I opened my eyes and was met with Shawn sitting next to me.l stroking my hair. I sat up, for once not feeling in pain, at least not my head. Different parts were hurting though. My stomach and my wrist, where I had cut earlier.
"Hey Shawn." I forced a small smile and embraced him, feeling wanted for once. "I can't believe you're coming on tour with us." I said, closing my eyes, nuzzling my head into his neck and smelling his scent. He smells really good. "How are you feeling today?" He asked, not letting go. "Your mom told me you haven't left your room again since I left. Wanna go out for a walk?" He asked carefully. I thought about it and nodded. A walk would do me some good I guess. He stood up, helping me and walked towards the door. "Wait, let me change, i look horrible." I knew my makeup was smudged since I had been crying and rubbing my eyes earlier. He just chuckled. "You don't Mila. Your makeup is just a little smeared. You always look good." I felt my face redden and walked into the bathroom with some clothes while Shawn sat down on my bed.

After coming out of the bathroom we put on our shoes and went outside but not without taking my phone and headphones. We plugged the headphones into my phone and each of us took a headphone.
The first song that came on was 'Bruises' by Lewis Capaldi. A song I listen to when I feel sad. Shawn of course picked up on it.
"You were sad earlier Mila. What's up?" He asked looking at me. I kept quiet. My days weren't really good recently. "Did you cut again?" This question took me off guard. I knew I had. Not just today.
"Mila?" He stopped to look at me. Then he pulled me towards a bench. We were walking through a small forest behind our house. It's a track I usually took my walks at. We sat down and he waited for me to answer. "Please tell me you didn't hurt yourself again....." His voice showed a bit of disappointment which I understood. He gently took my arm and pulled up the sleeve and saw nothing new. No fresh cuts. I had cut on the other arm. But he of course checked the other arm too.

He slowly pulled it up. I wasn't looking at my arm. I knew how it looked. I was watching Shawn and his reaction. His eyes immediately welled up with tears and he let my arm fall into his lap. I slowly pulled it back. Shawn put his hands in front of his face to hide his tears. I heard small sobs escape his mouth. Oh god. I slowly put my hand on his shoulder, comforting him. "Shawn.... It's not that bad..." I tried to reassure him. But the cuts told another story. They were indeed pretty deep. I was glad I didn't nee stitches anymore. The ones from the hospital were enough.

When Shawn dried his tears, there was a short silence. No one spoke. The music from my headphones had stopped and we didn't know what to do. It was a bit awkward.

Then he stood up and pushed me with him. He started walking back to my house and led me to my room. He took off his jacked and so did I. I was confused. What was he doing? He then took my shoulders and put me in front of my full body mirror.

"Look at yourself." He said. I looked down to my feet. I couldn't. I knew how I looked. Horrible. "Mila....Look. This is you. Camila Cabello. My best friend. In my opinion one of the best singers. Very popular. Beautiful. How could you do this to yourself? Why do you let the words get to you? You are so strong Mila..." He whispered the last sentence. A tear left my eye and I shook my head. "I'm not strong Shawn....." "But you are Camila. Look. After everything you are going through here you are. Nothing brought you down. You didn't fall. You know..... you could've been dead....Please don't fall... ever...." And I knew it was true. I did have several thoughts about it. "And what would I do without you Mila?" I said nothing. Maybe he would've been better. Have a better best friend. More fun.... But here he is. Showing me how important I am to him. Proving me that I'm enough for him. "And I wouldn't want anyone else as a best friend Mila. I just.... love you so much. " I whispered again and gently kissed my head and took my hands.