Please don't fall (Shawmila)

18

Camila's POV
I had finished everything. And I never felt this bad. All wanted to do was get up and throw everything up. But I couldn't because I was talking to Lauren. She just had the idea to watch a movie with the other girls. And I of course agreed. So now we were setting everything up for the movie evening. I let Lauren chose a movie and this time it wasn't a documentary. I let the other girls chose a place to sit and when I noticed that there was no space left for me I just sat on the floor with a blanket and a pillow. Ally looked down at me and immediately made space for me to sit which I thankfully took. We were halfway through the movie when the thoughts of the food from earlier entered my head again. So I stood up and went to the bathroom which was on the other side of the room. No one said something because yeah... can't I just go to the bathroom?

I entered and immediately knelt down in front of the toilet bowl before pouring my contents into it. Of course I was never sure if someone could hear me choke sometimes but the last two weeks no one noticed so that's a good sign. It didn't even take much effort. I was almost routine since I've done it for over two weeks now. My stomach now felt empty and I felt a lot better.

Right after I stood in front of the mirror to look into my reflection I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. So I took it out and of course it was a message from 'UNKNOWN'.... again.

UNKNOWN (just now): Think about the punishment ;)

That was all it said. and of course I hadn't forgot about it. But what does he...it mean with 'punishment'? As if it could read my mind, the next message followed

UNKNOWN (just now): are you stupid or something? Just look around the room... The shower?

I looked around and that's when I saw it. I looked at it for a few seconds but deciding against it. Not now... I quickly opened the door and sat back down. The girls stares were in my direction. "What?" I asked unsure. "Are you not feeling well?" Lauren asked concerned. "What why?" I was confused now. "I heard you choking." shit... they heard. I need an excuse... NOW. "Oh... yeah... I had a stomachache and needed to throw up." Please buy it. I looked around and they just nodded accepting...except for Lauren. She stood up and grabbed my wrist, leading me to the bunk area where no one could hear us.

"What is it Camz?" What is she talking about? I looked at her with a confused expression. "You said you had to throw up because you had a stomachache." "Yeah?" I confirmed, not knowing what she wanted. "You seem to have a lot of stomachache ache lately then..." She said, trailing away. I nodded unsure. "Camz... let's be real.... it's not healthy what you're doing." I looked up at her, shocked. What did she just say? Does she know what I've been doing? "Camila, I don't want you doing this. It's not healthy... you know.... Throwing up after eating..... not being able to let the food inside of you." she was looking down. I was looking at her chest. "How...-" was all I said before she continued talking. "I'm not stupid. I noticed something was up when I saw your undressed body in the hotel room when I put lotion on your back. You looked so tiny and skinny back then.... I don't want to imagine how you look now. Two weeks later." She said softly, not wanting to attack me. I couldn't look at her now so I stared at my feet, unsure of what to say. "I want to be alone please...." I read pleading. "I can stay with you if you want." she offered kindly. "Alone...." she looked at me and started making her way back to the girls. But before she could enter the room I quickly said "Please don't tell anyone. I want to talk to you first." Then she walked inside, closing the door behind her. I, still shocked, made my way to my bunk and let myself fall into the cushions whit my face down. I could feel my tears slowly leaving my eyes but I tried to control myself. I can't always be this weak....

Lauren's POV

I entered the room again and everyones eyes were on me. I was really worried about Camila. I mean... she got raped... and I wasn't there to help or defend her..."Where is she?" Ally asked me. "She said she's not feeling well and went to lay down..." I answered.I wanted to tell them so bad what suspicions I had about Camila but she told me not to.... and being the good friend I am.. I kept it to myself. Mani and Dinah haven't really talked to Camila these past weeks and I wanted to know why. Weren't they at least bit worried about her behavior lately? "Mani, Dinah? Aren't you worried about Camila?" I asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt the movie. They looked at each other then to Ally and me. "I am." Dinah said. "Me too." Mani followed. "I mean, she's my best friend." Dinah added. Ally didn't say anything but then looked at me and the others. "You know... I had a talk with her last night." She confessed. "I think it was about 3 in the morning and I couldn't sleep so I was sitting here for a bit with my phone. She came in here too and she looked really tired... not only tired as in when you don't get enough sleep but also tired as in I don't wanna be here..." Her voice getting softer towards the end of the sentence. Why is she telling this now? "I talked to her and I told her that I'm noticing how we are all drifting apart. We aren't acting like friends and she agreed. I think... she doesn't think we care about her. We are actually not really acting like friends towards her and I don't know when this started to happen.... but its bothering me." she ended. She doesn't think we care... she doesn't think we care... but we do. "I agree with you Ally." I said and looked at Dinah and Mani. "Me too." "Me three." They both joined. "We should keep an eye on her and involve her more in our little chats and stuff." Ally said and we all nodded.