Please don't fall (Shawmila)

95

Camila's POV 

I had fallen asleep on the couch and when I woke up, I was on the bed. Shawn was not here. I sat up, the room was almost dark apart from the dim light coming from outside it still wasn't completely dark so I figured that it wasn't too late yet. I looked around seeing Shawn on the balcony with his guitar. I stood up, putting on some socks and walking outside to where he was sitting. I could hear him singing quietly so I stood by the door, listening to his beautiful and calm voice. 'You, are bringing out a different kind of me, There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free, Fallin' all in you' Wow.... I love this... I decided to finally make myself noticeable by opening the door a bit more and clearing my throat. He stopped playing and turned around. "Oh hey." he smiled. "How long have you been standing here?" "A minute only." I said, sitting down next to him. "Did you hear what I was singing?" "I did... it sounds beautiful... who is it about?" I asked nervously. "You..." he said quietly, looking at me from the side. "Me?" "Yeah, it's about you Mila. You inspired me to write this one." he smiled softly, taking my hand. "Can you... can you play it again?" I asked shyly. "Sure baby." he picked up his guitar again and the lyrics sheet. "here, take this, it's called 'Fallin' all in you'" he told me, starting the song. 

My heart melted... a song about me? And a song this beautiful? He is expressing his feelings through a song... and all I wanted to do was cry... cry out of happiness.... this is so beautiful. When he finished he looked at me. "Hey... you okay?" I nodded. "I-I am... this is just... so... so beautiful..." I mumbled, a bit embarrassed. "oh baby, come here." he smiled, placing his guitar down and pulling me into a tight embrace. "I love you so much, I hope you know that." he whispered into my hair. "I know that.... I love you too... a lot." I mumbled back. He held me in his arms while we sat on the floor, watching the day pass.

"Let's go inside Mila. It's getting pretty cold." Shawn pulled me out of my daydream. I sat up nodding. "Yeah, let's go." I stood up, waiting for him while he picked up his guitar and his lyrics sheets. We walked inside, he placed his things down and I sat down on the bed. "I'm going to the bathroom real quick, alright?" "yeah" he walked over to the bathroom and I decided to pull out my phone from my purse next to my bed. I had some notifications... 'UNKNOWN'... great.... and my mom? And a few Instagram and twitter mentions. I first tapped on the Instagram mentions. Oh no... the interview from today had aired and I had thousands of mentions on a few interview snippets. I tapped on the video and started watching it. It was me... being all nervous and fidgety... rubbing my hands and bouncing my legs. There was also a caption. 'Look at FatMila lol. Why is she being like this? Look at her bitchy outfit' Great. But at least you couldn't see my cuts or anything since it was still pretty early in the interview. It was hurtful... of course... but I was kind of... numb? I don't know... but I wasn't crying, for once. I saw even more videos and was glad non showed my cuts. "Mila, stop...." I heard Shawn behind me. I was so focused on watching the videos that I didn't hear him re-enter the room. "Sorry." I said, locking my phone again. "The... the interview aired..." I said quietly. "Oh... do you... do you want to watch it?" He asked. "No... please no..." "Do you want at least to... to talk about why you got home so early? Don't keep it to yourself, you can always talk to me... I won't ever judge you" "I know... it's just... kind of dumb." "Mila, I'm sure it's not... just... tell me baby" he said, pulling me into his lap and pulling the blanket over both of us. I leaned back into his body, my back pressing into his chest. He intertwined our fingers in front of my stomach and rested his chin on my head gently. 

"So... ehm... you know... I was doing the interview... we were... I felt kind of... left out? I don't really know..." he kissed my head, feeling how I was getting nervous. "I really didn't answer any questions... I just sat there... listening... until I zoned out? I was really... anxious... and I tried... not getting an anxiety attack right there... in front of everyone.... I think that's why I got the anxiety attack when I got here...I'm sorry..." "Baby it's okay..." he comforted me. "I... I started rubbing my legs and hands.... that's why you were able to see everything when I got home.... but that's not why I- why I came home. I didn't come home because I wanted.... I was sent home... by our publicist... she said I didn't behave... because - because I didn't pay attention when I was asked one question... because I acted distracted.... she said I was.... destroying the reputation of the group... I acted like I - like I didn't want to be part of the group..." I felt Shawn tense behind me. "She said that?" "Yeah... but I underst-" "No Camila... this is not.... understandable... she can't just say that.... You are part of the group just like Dina, Lauren Ally or Normani.... just because you maybe had a bad day? What? I don't understand that" he was a bit angry... but I know it wasn't at me. After a few minutes of silence in which I could tell he was thinking, he talked again. "Mila... I have a question.... don't get mad, alright?" "Yeah" "Do you feel like... you are part of the group? Like 100%?" I thought a few minutes.... part of the group? Honestly... no... I just feel uncomfortable with them.... "I- I don't know... honestly... no." I finally admitted. " I just.... am not comfortable around them..." "I can feel that Mila..." Then it was quiet again.... until he talked again. "Mila... have you ever thought of.... maybe... leaving the group...? Doing your own thing? Or maybe taking a break?" Wow... that question... it surprised me a bit... I stayed quiet. Have I ever thought of it? Honestly... not directly.... but... it sounds... maybe liberating? Could I? Would they allow me to? "Mila? I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-" "Yeah." was my answer as I cut him off. "What do you mean? You have... thought of it?" "Well... not directly... but I could... imagine it..." It honestly didn't sound that... bad. "I actually think... you would be better off without them Mila." Shawn admitted. I hummed, thinking about it. I mean... I have a few songs...alone... songs that I like a lot more. I closed my eyes while he continued softly stroking my hands. I fell asleep, the thought of maybe leaving, doing my own thing, maybe taking a break, not leaving my mind.

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Not long until the end....

I think there will be 5 more chapters!