Please don't fall (Shawmila)

44

Camila's POV

This kiss. The kiss I wanted. Well... to be exact I didn't exactly want the kiss but a sign that maybe he feels the same. If this kiss means what I think, then he probably kiss me. We pulled away and just stared at each other. His hand was still resting on my cheek and mine was still resting at the back of his neck. My tears hadn't dried. I just couldn't believe what just happened. We obviously were both speechless. I broke the eye contact we had by looking down to our intertwined hands.  And then he pulled away. "Mila.... what....what is this? Did this mean something?" Shawn whispered, not leaving my side but letting go of my hand and backing away a bit. I couldn't really move so I just stayed in the same position, lying in my bed. I wanted to respond to his question but obviously couldn't so I just shrugged and looked at my blanket, which was covering my body. I was super exhausted and my throat was burning, still from the food earlier. Shawn stood up and started pacing around the room. What is he thinking about? Maybe he really thinks it was a mistake. Great Camila. Why would you think it would be right? I thought to myself.

Shawn never left my room but also never sat back down next to me. I had fallen asleep, woken up again, I had a check up with the doctor, a talk with my mom and Shawn kept pacing around the room or outside my room. He looked really uncomfortable around me.  I wanted to tell him that if he didn't want to be here he could leave. I was used to being alone. Even though I got pretty used to having him by my side. To be honest it was making me really nervous. He was acting super strange since the kiss. I thought it had brought clearance to both of us but obviously not. I at least knew, that I wanted more of it. Shawn seemed to doubt it though.

Later that day, at round 7pm the nurse entered and gave me my food and a bag with my things I had on me when I entered  the hospital. I took out my phone and charged it. If I couldn't talk I might have to text. So when my phone had some battery again I grabbed it, opened Shawns and my chat to ask him to come back to my room. My mom had gone to the hotel she would be staying the next days since I wouldn't be able to go back on tour. She left because Shawn had assured her he would stay here with me. Of course she didn't agree immediately but Shawn didn't want to leave. But now he was somewhere downstairs or outside.

Me: Hey Shawn. Do you want to come back to my room? I'm awake again I just got my phone back...

I waited for a few minutes until I got a response.

Shawn: Sure, I'm on my way Mila.

I was relieved when he answered with my nickname. Mila. Only he calls me Mila. And not even two minutes later the door opened after a light knock. Shawn sat down next to me on the chair.
I texted him again.

Me: Can we talk?

a few seconds later I send another text.

Me: Well... not really talk but I will text. We need to figure this out... Please...

Shawn looked at his phone and then at me. "Sure..." he answered. "Eh.... so... maybe... what about..." He was nervous and stuttered. Please Shawn.... I just need to figure this out. And then he finally started talking properly. "Mila.... this kiss... I don't know what it was for you.... I don't know what you want it to be... but I know what I want it to be..." he got quiet towards the end of the sentence. I grabbed my phone again and started tapping my answer.

Me: What do you you want it to be?

I heard his phone vibrate and after reading my answer he looked back at me. He hesitated and played nervously with his fingers. He was anxious.... he always had that habit of playing with his fingers.
"Well... I.... I kind of.... I liked it. And I definitely didn't think it was a mistake.... but I'm so unsure of.....of what you thought of it.... and-"
I cut him of by letting my phone fall into my lap and pulling him closer to me by putting my hands on his cheeks. I looked down to his lips before pressing them firmly against my own. I closed my eyes because it felt like a dream. I was always scared of him pulling away.... but he didn't. He put his hands above mine and slowly caressed my neck while kissing me gently.

He then pulled away but slowly, to assure me that it wasn't because he didn't want to kiss me. He pulled away because of the lack of air. He didn't pull away completely though. He stayed near to my face and stared into my eyes. I think it was clear to both of us they we had some feelings for each other.

"Mila.... I really really like you..." Shawn whispered after a few minutes. I just nodded my head with tears of joy in my eyes. He then pulled me into a tight hug. We didn't pull away, until the door opened and a nurse entered, telling me that it was time for me to sleep so I wouldn't be too exhausted. We pulled away completely and nodded towards the nurse. Shawn had to leave for the night but was here every morning. He gave me a soft kiss on me forehead and left with the nurse, closing my door. I leaned back into my bed, closing my eyes and letting the events of the past hour sink in. I never thought that this would actually ever happen.
——————
Camila's tour was postponed....
I saw it right when ahe announced it which was around midnight where I live and it shocked me, even though we knew it would happen.
Now it's 3:33 am and I crying in bed because I'm so sad and scared that I won't be able to see her ever...😭 it gave me so much hope and happiness but it just all crushed.... and I'm not mad at her at all. She's doing whats best and I really respect that...I'm just sad with the current situation and it's really breaking me inside💔💔💔

I love Shawmila.... holy shit. Pictures of them kissing have me shakingggg holy moly guacamole