Please don't fall (Shawmila)

41

Shawn's POV
Hours passed..... nothing. It was now 7:39 pm and the show would start in a few minutes but I was glad I could be with Camila. I had my arms on my legs and my eyes closed. I was really tired but I wouldn't allow myself to sleep. What if the doctors came out to tell me that I could see Camila and I wasn't awake? No. No sleep now.

I had gotten a text from Sinu, telling me that she would be boarding now. So it wouldn't take long until she arrived. The flight wasn't very long. I really needed Sinu here.... emotional support. I was so close from crying but I don't think I could. I decided to distract myself with my phone and came across Camila's instagram posts. I went straight to the comments, knowing what I would find. Hate. Almost every comment was about Camila's body, voice or attitude. How do people have the heart to tell her something like this? Telling her to die, to kill herself. You cant just wish dead on someone.... They don't know whats going on behind the screens. What is going on in real life? How can they hurt her so badly? I decided reporting as many comments as I could, hoping they would get taken down. I never had time to really read through the comments... and now that I had time... I wish I did sooner. I could have deleted some comments. Maybe prevented some things from happening.

"Camila Cabello?" someone said into the room, making me look up. It was a nurse. "Yes." I said while standing up. "Please come with me." I followed her into the long corridors of the hospital until she finally stopped in-front of a room. "She's in here. She had a pill overdose and we had to pump her stomach. It took some time since she kept getting an uneven breathing. But she's done now. She is still awake and hopefully is going to wake up in the next 24 hours." Then there was a short pause before she continued. " We noticed some pretty deep cuts on her arms. And some on her stomach. Are you aware of that?" I nodded, looking down and feeling guilty because I didn't get her help. "Well, we are gonna need to talk to you then. We need as much information as possible. I think this is pretty serious and the pill overdose wasn't an accident. Another thing we noticed is her weight. She is extremely underweight. Some of her vitals are starting to get damaged. We needed to do something about it. To us it seems like she is refusing to eat. Have you noticed anything?" Have I? I noticed that she was loosing so much weight. But  I thought it was because of stress and anxiety... She's refusing to eat? Why would she? But i have seem her eat normally. I even ate with her im the morning. "Well, I noticed that she has been loosing weight but I thought it was because of anxiety and stress since she's a performer. I remember bringing her food and she ate it with me." I answered the Nurse, still a bit shocked about this new revelation. She nodded, writing something down. " The we're going to keep an eye on her. You can enter. She's sleeping though." I opened the door and the nurse followed in behind me. "I'm going to explain to you what these tubes and machines do. So this one-" She pointed to one on her nose, "is helping her breathing since she has been struggling with that. The one going in through her mouth is going to feed her. She will probably refuse this but she got her stomach pumped. She can't swallow any solid food. You maybe will also notice her gagging or she will have the urge to throw up. Let her. We have a bin next to her bed. Then this" she pointed to the one coming out of the back of her hand, " is to keep her hydrated and it is giving her what she needs to gain weight again." I nodded, understanding. "We are going ti keep her at least three days. Meanwhile we are also going to have a talk about her mental health, which doesn't look too good at the moment." Then she left.

I pushed a chair next to Camila's bed and sat down, holding her hand. How the hell did we end up here? Again? I was helpless. And I didn't have anyone. But I knew Sinu would come soon. I was awaiting her arrival. Camila's arms weren't covered. I could see all her cuts. There were a lot of them and they were pretty deep. The nurse was probably waiting for her to wake up before doing anything. I just wanted to cry and that's what I did. I started crying out of frustration. I held her hand so tightly. And then I leaned down and kissed her wrists. I want to see her so badly. I want her to feel loved. I want to love her. I want her to find her true happiness. 

After an hour of sitting there alone with Mila, the door opened and the nurse came in, followed by Sinu. I immediately stood up and embraced her, closing my eyes in the process. "Omg, Sinu. Finally." She embraced me tightly, comforting me by rubbing my back. "Shawn, Hijo, thank you for being here with her." She answered. The nurse was checking on Camila, also putting bandages on her wrists but Sinu had seen her arms. She had no reaction though. "The nurse already talked to me. I'm going to stay here for a few days. Until everything gets better. I may have to come with them the rest of tour." She said, looking down to Camila, who looked like she was peacefully sleeping, just like when I entered the bus. "Hijo, you look tired. Go back to the hotel. Sleep. Come back tomorrow." I just shook my head. I needed to be here. "Yes Shawn, go. I'll call you as soon as there are news. Please. Do me this favor and go. You already did so much." "Alright..." I said, feeling defeated. I bent down, caressing Camilas cheek and kissing her forehead. Then I grabbed my jacket, gave Sinu one last hug and left for the hotel. 

10pm. The show was about to end. None of the girls would be in the hotel. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself awake. So I decided to tell Lauren when I had more news of Camila. If she really cares, she will ask me anyways. 

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Ayoo, quarantine day 2 was actually pretty good. I met my neighbor and we laid in the sun. I also did my makeup which made me feel pretty! And I did some workout to work on my body. What did you do today?