Please don't fall (Shawmila)

15

Sorry I didn't update🥺

Camila's POV

I had my eyes closed for the rest of the night but couldn't bring myself to sleep. I had always thoughts in my head and flashbacks of the previous day. It was morning now, probably really early because the sun wasn't out fully. So I shut my eyes once more to let the train of thoughts continue.

I felt shuffling next to me when I opened my eyes and moved my body. I rolled onto my back but immediately regretted it as I felt the bad pain in my back closed my eyes and winced in pain. Lauren probably noticed because she looked at me now. "You ok?" I nodded slowly while reopening my eyes. "Did you sleep well?" Actually I hadn't really slept but she doesn't need to now that so I just nodded again while she sat up in the spot next to me. I looked at the clock and it showed 10:44 am. I should get ready now. "I'm gonna get ready now." I said to Lauren before lifting my body up from the mattress. I got on my feet and almost fell to the ground due to the dizziness I felt but I could hold onto the wall before Lauren could notice anything. Walking to my suitcase to pull out fresh clothes I felt the pain while walking again and I was taken back to the moment when it had happened. I stopped in my tracks and looked down, still embarrassed that it happened. 'How could I not stop it?' "Camz, it's ok." I heard Lauren say while she was walking towards me and putting her hand on my shoulder. I looked up to her since she was a little bigger than me and shook my head. It was definitely not okay. I was not ok. But it already happened and I couldn't change it. I didn't want to be weak though so I slowly bent down to get my clothes and my stuff to get ready. While walking towards the bathroom I noticed that ally wasn't in the room so I asked Lauren. "Where are the girls?" I asked while turning around to face her. "They are sleeping in Mani and Dinah's room." She said. I nodded and made my way to get ready.

We were now all on our way to the beach since the weather was really nice and everyone felt like it. I didn't really but I could try to get a bit distracted. While everyone was laughing and talking while I was sitting alone in the back row of the van listening quietly to music. Lauren was just acting like she was acting a few days ago, ignoring me. Just like the others. So what was the point in joining their conversations when they didn't want me there?

I was still struggling with all the memories of the terrible incident no one, except for Lauren, knew about. This damn thing.... I couldn't stop thinking of it. But I couldn't tell anyone, not even the management. They would tell me I'm weak and I would always have to go out with securities around me. I didn't want that. I wanted to be treated normal. It's not like I was ill or something like that... I was just....raped. And as soon as I thought about it again, tears started welling up in my eyes....again. Luckily I was in the back row alone so no one really payed attention to me.

Since the way to the beach was quite long, I had enough time to write into my little 'Diary'. So I pulled it out of my purse, where I also had my cigarettes, pulled my legs up to my body and started writing down my feelings and let out all of my emotions.

When I next looked up from my book, in Wich I had written about 3 pages, the van had stopped and the girls were getting out of the car. Well, they were already standing outside while I was still getting my things together. I had on my swimming suit and a long sleeved dress over it to cover up my bruises on my back and on my wrists. I wasn't planing on taking of my dress because I was really uncomfortable with my body since I got raped and taking of my dress would show my bruises. So no. I got out and ran to the girls which were already walking to an empty space between some rocks where we could be without getting noticed. I laid my things down on the very beginning of the beach while the others walked down to where the water hit the sand. They didn't bother not having me around so I didn't really care. I out my bag down next to my things and just when I was about to sit down, a shadow blocked the sun hitting my face so I looked up and was surprised to see Ally. ,,Come sit with us Mila." She said and reached out her hand but I didn't take it. Unsure I picked up my things and stood next to her. She walked to the other girls with me behind her. They all looked me up and down when they saw me and Dinah asked ,, Why are you wearing a dress on the beach? " Right.... em... yeah I'm sick. That's what I going to tell her. ,, Yeah... I got kinda sick yesterday...I slept on the balcony and yeah... I'm kinda cold today and I have headache." And that wasn't even a lie. I really was sick and had a headache. I still couldn't walk normal because it still hurt a lot but no one noticed, at least I think. Dinah just nodded and I sat down behind Ally, still a bit outside of the group. I could feel Laurens eyes on me the whole time but I didn't look up. I just sat there quietly while the others were talking and laughing just like in the car.

The sun was now going down and we were still sitting on the beach. I even laughed a few times and said a few words but not much. The beach wasn't as full as it was when we arrived so we sat on the other part of the beach where all the people were before. There were just a few group of teens laughing and talking. It made remember me the time when our group used to be so close just laughing and cracking jokes. Well they were still really close but I wasn't. But it was my fault. I could also see an older couple walking by the water hand in hand just watching the sun set. We were all quietly watching the sun go down. No one said anything. We were just enjoying the silence and just listened to the rushing of the waves hitting the sand. Well my mind wasn't quiet but I tried to concentrate to on the waves. And it worked. My mind was finally quiet.

Before driving back home the girls wanted to get something from mc Donalds so the van stopped there. I wasn't hungry but I knew it would cause another argument if I said I didn't want to eat so I joined them. Well, we just went through Mc Drive so no one would notice us inside of Mc Donalds. But I ordered a Cheeseburger while the others ordered Menus and desserts. I stuck with my cheeseburger, alone , in the back of the van.

It was dark when we arrived at the hotel. So we were all tired. We got to our floor, entered our rooms and I sat on my bed with my phone while Ally got into the bathroom to make herself ready for bed. When I looked at the screen of my phone I saw new messages. Well of course there was a message from 'UNKNOWN' but to my surprise there also was another message from.... Lauren? My eyes widened in surprise when I saw the name in my screen. I tapped on it and the message popped up. 'Hey Camz, sleep well, ily <3' That was all it said but it made me so freaking happy. I smiled at my screen until I saw another message....but not from Lauren....it was from 'UNKNOWN' again. I tapped on it.

'UNKNOWN'(5 min ago):' You better get this shit out of your stomach again.' and another message..

'UNKNOWN'(just now): You better do what I say or else.... you know... I have some pictures.

God. Pictures of what? I was only thinking about the incident behind the hotel which I really didn't want to experience ever again. I had to do what he said or else.... the pictures...

As soon as I heard Ally get out of the bathroom I took my thinks and limped to the bathroom. Ally gave me a small smile when she walked past me, which I retuned but I saw it disappear as soon as she had passed me. Thanks. I entered and made sure to lock the door. I bent down....here I am.... again.