Please don't fall (Shawmila)

47

Camilas POV

After breakfast with Shawn he gave me my medicine. We were now laying in bed together, saying nothing. It was around 8 am by now and I felt extremely tired But I was afraid that if I would fall asleep, I would get another flashback. But Shawn was still convincing me to sleep. "Mila, please sleep. You shouldn't be exhausted. I'll be here. I won't leave." He assured me and opened his arms for me to lay on his chest. He had taken off his shirt again so when I laid down on his chest, I felt his bare chest, which gave me comfort. He put his arms around me and kissed my head. And with that I fell back into a light sleep.

"Yes....- asleep....I t..ink...she's ok" I opened my eyes due to the voice I could hear. Shawn was talking on the phone but with who? I rubbed my eyes and sat up. Shawn was standing in front of the balcony window, shirtless. He's pretty hot. but I had tons of other things on my mind. He saw me, ended the call and sat next to me. "Hey beautiful, how are you feeling? Any better?" 'Beautiful',.... he called me that. I felt exited. He gave me a kiss which I enjoyed. "I was talking to your mom. She's coming over  to eat lunch later." I nodded and leaned against the bed frame. 

*Ding*... my phone. Shawn was occupied with his own phone so I grabbed mine and looked at the screen. A message....from 'UNKNOWN'. No. I thought it was over. I began shaking slightly but tried to keep it hidden so Shawn wouldn't notice anything.

'UNKNOWN' (just now): Hello Camila, long time no see.... or maybe not?

What the heck. This person could have been here and I didn't know. How the hell was I ever going to feel safe? No where. I thought this was over. i thought I was finally kind of safe. I sat my phone in my lap, closed my eyes and let out a quiet sight. Shawn didn't notice again. Thank god.

We didn't really get ready the whole day. We stayed in bed almost the whole day and only got out to eat with my mom and when Shawn cleaned up my cuts in the bathroom. I had anxiety the whole day but I think Shawn didn't notice it. I tried to act pretty normal, even if I entered the bathroom several times and had to stop an anxiety attack. I also was stressed because I just couldn't talk. I couldn't even whisper.

Right now I was in the bathroom again. We just had dinner and I had just gotten out of the shower. I was, again, standing in front of the mirror, naked this time. My reflection made me hate myself even more. Every time I saw myself in the mirror for more than a few seconds I started crying and so it was. Tears were streaming down my face a I was silently crying. I had the anxiety attack I had been holding in in the shower. It was pretty intense but nothing I hadn't had before. I stayed a few more minutes, staring at my reflection, before I put fresh clothes on and opened the door to join Shawn in the bed. I had thoughts of hurting myself but that would upset Shawn so much that I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Shawn had put on a movie and prepared the bed for us to be comfortable. The lights were dimmed and it look very cozy. For a moment it made me forget about what had just happened in the bathroom. But as soon as I sat down next to him, mi mind started rating with thoughts again. The movie was a love story but... I just couldn't concentrate on it. Shawn had pulled me onto is lap and was watching the movie. I on the other hand was slightly shaking again. 'He's texting you for a reason' , 'No one wants you here', 'What is happening to is what you deserve'. These were my thoughts. Thoughts that plague me every time I'm alone. But this time I wasn't alone. I was next to Shawn. But the thoughts for some reason didn't leave me. They were causing me a headache. I rubbed my temple, which didn't go unnoticed by Shawn. "You ok?" He asked, looking down at me and putting his and on my shoulder. I just nodded, hoping that the headache would go away but it didn't. "Do you need anything?" he then asked. I signaled to my head and he understood. "You have a headache?" I nodded. He stood up, walking towards the bathroom to get my medicine and sitting back next to me. He gave me a glass of water and the medicine I needed to take instead of pain killers. I wasn't allowed any kinds of pills for the next three months. I took it gratefully and swallowed it. Shawn caressed my hair, wanting to comfort me but he obviously didn't know what was actually bothering me. "Are you ok? Like actually ok. Not only because of the headache... The whole day you've been kind of... I don't know... distracted?.... distant?... You've not been yourself at all. Has something happened? Between you and the girls? Online? Hate?" He asked me, sounding concerned. I didn't know how to answer. Not like I could but... like text him ore something. He had picked up on my mood but I just shrugged. He then reached over to my bedside table and reached for my phone, handing it to me. He wanted an answer. "Has something happened Mila? I don't like it when you act all distant and distracted..." I took my phone out of his hand, typing in a message 'I don't know. I just think sometime it gets a little too much...' I showed him the message and he immediately picked up on the line of his song I used. "And that's totally ok. The song I wrote? It's actually about me. About how I felt most of the time. It always is ok to feel, Mila." He spoke softly. He then put on his song, which was a very kind gesture because I knew he doesn't like to listen to his own song. But this song brought me through a lot of difficult times and having him by my side... and his song playing in the background, made me feel a little calmer. I really appreciate him. I leaned down towards his chest to sleep in his arms but not before giving him a sweet kiss, showing him how grateful I was.

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I just love them so much :,)

Someone recommend some very cute Shawmila Fanfictions please! I need more haha. I feel like I've already read through all the stories about Shawmila.