Please don't fall (Shawmila)

39

Camila's POV
We were now back in the bus, on our way to Huntsville. It was another 5 hour drive and we would arrive at around 4 pm. The show would start at 8pm and we would drive directly to our next city without sleeping in a hotel. The girls had only said a quick good morning. Nothing else. Great. I think Shawn sensed the tension between us because he never left my side. We sat together in the bus and he let me sleep with my head on his chest. It still bothered me that I could not be the one he wanted..... but I'll make the best out of it. As long as he's here. When we're done with the shows he will probably go to the girl he likes and I could not bare to see it.
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Again..... I was a crying mess. On the bathroom floor of the bus. My phone unlocked by my side while I cried. Hate, hate, hate. Everywhere I looked. Instagram, Twitter even my mails were full of hate spam messages.... what was I supposed to do? Again..... weak. The others were out eating again. I had fallen asleep and woke up with everyone gone. The messages were horrible for me.... I couldn't understand. So many questions were crossing my mind.

At least one person standing up for me...

(unfortunately these in black are real comments I found under Camila's instagram and it made me really really sad.... I don't understand how people can do something like this. Hating on social media is obviously not ok! Just like hating in real life! I've dealt with it myself and it really hits hard.... even when it are people that don't know you. But please do me a favor and do not contact any of these people! I couldn't cross out the names...)

People telling me my family and I should have died.... and I was thinking the same by now. I should have died. Why didn't I when I had the chance to do so? People telling me to die were giving me the confirmation I needed. And I knew it would happen pretty soon. How long can a fragile girl, who deserves to die, hold on?

I had already cut my wrists open again. The cuts were not healing because of it. But it was ok, I was feeling constant pain. I had two panic attacks in the last 20 minutes and my heartbeat did not slow down. The others were probably coming back soon so I needed to clean this mess, myself, up.

I cleaned up, washed my wrists, cleaned my face. I was ready to walk outside, when I saw a small package in our medicine shelf. Sleeping Pills. I took it and looked at it. Maybe taking a few would calm my mind. I would not take too much. I wouldn't die like this. But I would sleep. Sleep until my thoughts were cleared. I took a hand full out of the cap and threw some in my mouth, swallowing them without water. I put some in my bathroom bag and went outside again. I sat on my place, closed my eyes and waited for the pills to kick in. Please. Let me sleep.

Shawn's POV
I was buying myself and Mila something to eat. She was asleep when we left. I was in line to pay when I saw the other girls enter. That was it. I needed to talk to them. It was not ok what was going on. They're one group. They need to act like it. I payed and walked towards them. They were sitting at a small table all laughing and eating. "Hey girls." Was what I said when I sat down. The greeted me, not knowing what I was going to say. "We need to talk." They all sensed the seriousness in my voice. "About what?" Normani asked, obviously not knowing what this was all about. "Camila." was all I said. Lauren stopped eating and looked at me. "Do you even know something is wrong with her?" I asked right away. "She seems ok to me." Dinah said shrugging. "Oh..., so you mean.... you don't even know something's seriously wrong with her?" A short pause. "Lat me tell you. Camila is in a lot of pain. I don't exactly know why but I know you all play a role in it. You not caring hurts her a lot. I hear her crying every night. I'm the one who's there. You should be... You're a group." The weren't even looking at me. Was it out if regret or because they weren't interested in what I was saying? "Are you listening?" I asked a bit agitated. "We are. I think we are just thinking. Thinking of how we saw Camila these last few days. And I knew that something wasn't right..... when we found her...." Lauren whispered the last part. Normani looked questioning at us. "When did you find her? Where?" I don't think it is right for us to tell her. So I gave Lauren a shaking head motion. She understood and shook her head. I decided on giving just a short explanation. "When we were in the club last night, Camila was miserable. That's why we took her home." I kept the sentence short. The others nodded, looking at each other. "I knew Camila wasn't too well. I mean after what happened and we had to cancel the show I knew something was going on. I think we all knew. But.... honestly I though she did get help. I thought she was better by now." Ally said. I was a bit disappointed. " How is she supposed to get better when the problem was here? Even if she did get help... do you really think it takes one month to get better? You didn't even call. No one did. I spent almost the whole month with her. I saw every side of her. I canceled all my plans to be with her. Why didn't you all? She waited. She wanted to be with you. She was really sad." I said. You could tell I was angry. How could the abandon her like that?

"I think it't time to get back to the bus." I said, standing up, grabbing our food and leaving. The others followed.
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Calm before the storm.
Oops.