Please don't fall (Shawmila)

87

Maybe you will cry? I don't know... depends on how emotional you are. 

Camila's POV

"Why did you finish so soon today, baby?" Shawn asked after we had eaten the soup. Should I tell him? Would he think I am not good enough for this? "I- I.... they..." "Tell me baby... trust me..." He said, taking both my hands. "I am sick.... and my throat hurts... a lot..." I was whispering the whole time, knowing I needed to be healthy soon again so I could finally work with them again. "I couldn't sing... they kicked me out.... they were waisting their time with me...." I whispered quietly. "They did what?" Shawn asked, getting a bit louder. "They kicked me out..." I whispered again. "They? The girls?" "No... the team.." I said, correcting him. "What? They did that? And said that?" he asked, clearly shocked. "Yeah..." "Oh my god... I can't believe this. I am going to talk to them... you are fucking sick, what else were you suppose to do?" He was angry, his loud voice hurting my head. "Shawn... calm down please." I asked. "Sorry... I just... I can't believe this... everyone is allowed to get sick... you barely were sick these past years..." "But I missed kind of a lot of shows the last tour.." I said, remembering my constant visits at the hospital. "Mila.... and that is okay... you were not doing well.. Your well being is very important. Your are also not doing well right now... not only your fever..." he said, quiet at the end. What does he mean? "Mila... I noticed  how much weight you lost again... Why are you doing this again?" he asked, concern all over his face. I stayed quiet. He was not supposed to find out. I was proud for doing so good at hiding it and loosing so much weight. "Mila? Please talk to me...." I just shook my head, tears rolling down my face. He pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me and pulling the blanket around our bodies. "Mila... you barely weight anything... You are so light...." he said, rubbing my hands. I just nodded, eyes closed and head leaning on his shoulder. "Baby... you worry me... why do you do this to yourself? Your body is so perfect... I love everything about you... your body, your face your teeth, which are perfect in their own kind of way, you hair, you tiny hands.... the small cuts on your stomach...." I felt his hand sliding under my hoodie and before I could stop him, his hand was on my bare stomach, tracing the not so small cuts. "Mila.. what is this?" he asked, clearly confused on why he was feeling such a big cut. "Tell me you didn't...." he asked, disappointment in his voice.  I kept quiet. What would I say? "Let me see." he said, the change of tone in his voice scaring me a bit... reminding me of... Matthew. But this is Shawn.  He is not angry. I told myself. He pushed the blanket to the side, exposing my hoodie. He placed his hands gently on my hips, laying me on my back... like Matthew did. "Mila... let me see... please." he pleaded. And that made me realize that it was in fact Shawn. Matthew would never... ask for my permission. I already had tears on my cheeks. This feels just like the first time he found out about my cutting. All over again. He softly pulled up my hoodie, exposing my stomach. He gasped. Maybe because of the cuts... maybe because of how thin I was. "M- Mila... what... what did you... " he didn't finish his sentence, collapsing, crying into his hands. I was also crying but quickly wiped my tears away, sitting up and pulling him into a hug. He put his arms around me, at first I thought to hug me back but he pulled my hoodie off my body, letting me feel incredibly cold due the fever. "S- Shawn... " I said... freezing. He realized, pulling the blanket around my body quickly but he could still see my almost naked body. "Mila... why would you.... how..." he was at a loss of words I could tell. And he was... sad... he was crying... because of me. "Shawn... I- I-" "No... please..." he said, shutting me up. I looked down in shame. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. He still didn't say anything and it scared me. would he leave now? Had he finally realized that I am a broke piece of shit, not worth of love? Was about time! I just laughed silently. "Oh... you think this is funny? You think it's funny how you're destroying your beautiful body? The person I love the most? How.... how... why are you laughing about it?" he asked, a bit of anger in his voice, making me flinch. "No.... no I wasn't laughing because of that..." I said in a quiet voice. I was scared... scared of him. "Camila... you are destroying your body...." he said. I still wasn't looking at him. I was crying hard... so was he. I felt so weak next to him.... something I had never felt with him. I have never been scared of him of felt weak next to him. This was new... and it was hurting me. "Shawn I... I'm sorry... I..." "Camila... sorry isn't going to change what you are doing to yourself. It is hurting me so, so bad seeing you like this... how can you do this? How can you not love your body? How can you not love yourself? You gotta love yourself first before someone else can...." he said. He is going to leave... he is... "But I will be the one loving you for yourself... I will do that... but... I don't know what to say right now... or what to think... I just .... I'm confused..." he said. I let out a shaky sigh... falling back into my thoughts about him leaving me... maybe for good... But my thoughts were interrupted by my phone vibrating on my night stand. I looked over and gulped.... 'UNKNOWN'.

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You think this was sad?

Just wait for the next chapter!