Please don't fall (Shawmila)

63

Camila's POV

I was still sat on the closed toilet, my hands shaking and my head resting on the wall behind me. I am not ready to face them... I don't even feel like I'm part of the group anymore... I sat the phone onto the counter as I stood up and steadied myself on it. My body was shaking but I tried to stop it. I concentrated on my breathing, closed my eyes and told myself it would be ok... eventually. My breathing got calm but my body continued shaking. I looked at myself in the mirror. Tears. Again. And I knew what I needed... even though I knew it was a bad coping mechanism.

I grabbed into my bag and pulled out my razor. I pulled up my hoodie and it exposed my stomach , which had a few cuts. But nothing too bad. So I sat the razor on my stomach and slid it against my skin one time... which immediately left four cuts. But I did not only slid it one time... I was feeling super stressed and anxious today so I didn't see a point to only make one cut. I was glad that Shawn was cleaning the kitchen and I could be unbothered. I know I should be ashamed... for using the time like this... but I wasn't. At least not in this moment.

The moment I saw, how many cuts I had made and how much blood was running down my stomach, I stopped. Shit. Was my first thought. I quickly washed the razor and pressed some toilet paper on my stomach. The bleeding didn't stop, so I pulled out a big band aid and placed it on the bleeding part of my stomach. Then I quickly changed into some black high wasted jeans and a red long sleeve, which easily covered my stomach and hurried, so Shawn wouldn't get suspicious. I then left the bathroom, placed my things on the bed and walked into the kitchen, where Shawn was on his phone. "Hey." He greeted me, standing up and walking up to me. "You look great." He said, looking me up and down and kissing m lips. I smiled, kissing him back and leaning in for an embrace. But then he pulled away and I sensed that something was wrong. "What'S wrong Shawn?" I asked, looking up at him. "I... well I just got a message from my management..." I knew that day would come sooner or later, the day he would have to go back to work. "And the said I have to get back into the studio to record again... really soon actually..." I nodded, looking down sadly. This day was going terribly wrong... He put his hand under my chin, kissing me and saying he would go and get ready himself.

Meanwhile I sat down on the couch, on my phone. Peacefully scrolling through instagram... until... yes, again, I couldn't resist tapping on the comment section of our latest post. I knew exactly that it was a very bad idea but... I just can't resist. I scrolled through it and there were tons of hate comments, again.Look at Camila, she's so ugly; God, Camila's voice is so... high pitched... barely anyone likes it; Her body compared to the others... we know exactly who I mean. Just Then, a hand came from behind and locked my phone. Shawn. "You are not supposed to look at them. They are not true, whatever hate you get, it is not true." He said, taking my phone out of my hand and sitting next to me. "So? What should we do today?" He asked, looking at me and caressing my hand. I just shrugged. I really wasn't in the mood for anything today but I knew Shawn would probably get bored. "How about... we go to the beach and just have a good day there, together?  It's pretty sunny outside." he said, smiling at me and waiting for my answer. Doesn't sound bad... but the paps... „Yeah, sounds great but... the Paps?" I asked him, my voice getting quiet towards the end. I knew he hated them just as much as I hate them. They give us both anxiety. "We can just go back to the place where we went to last time? How about we take a basket with a blanket, some food and drinks and just have lunch there together? I could even take my guitar and play you some songs.... I've actually also written something for you..." He admitted shyly. Oh my god... he is too cute. And that idea actually sounds great.  So I reached up to him, kissing his lips and smiling. "Yeah, sounds great." I whisper. We stayed like that for a few more moments, savoring the moment and then getting up, deciding on what food to take to the beach.

When we had the basket packed, two blankets inside and his guitar in my hand, we put our shoes and our jackets on and walked towards the elevator. In the elevator he pulled me close to him, with his free hand, and kissed the top of my head. He does such sweet gestures. I really love him. He makes me forget about the cruel world. "I think I haven't today how much I love you." He said, smiling at me and bonding down a bit to kiss me again. "I love you too." I answered. "But I do more." he smiled again, kissing my nose. "No I do." I said, just smiling up at him. "Not possible, no shut up." he said again, before putting his hand on my cheek and kissing me firmly on the lips. Could this moment get any cheesier? Probably not. But I love it. I love him. I love those little moments with him.

The elevator door opened and we quickly pulled away, getting out. Shawn had asked a chauffeur to bring his car right to the entrance so we would have as little as possible paparazzis following us. We hadn't even reached the door of the building and there were already tons of paparazzis. I don't know how they are always here. Always. It makes me really uncomfortable, that there are always people following us, especially since I am getting the texts from an unknown person who seems to know a lot about my life... maybe 'UNKNOWN' is one of the paps... always following us around... always.

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Maybe it's one of the paparazzis? Or maybe it isn't that obvious.... or maybe it is... Who is it?

And guys, please follow me so we can start conversations on my account hahaha. I feel very lonely when i write something there and get no answer :( jk haha but I would love to chat there 🥺😗

Ohhh and I'm thinking about startimg another book about Shawmila? Maybe one where she is in the process of writimg her album Romance while in a relationship with Shawn? What do you think? Maybe.... maybe...