Please don't fall (Shawmila)

84

Camila's POV

Another two weeks... my nights have been horrible... nightmares... about Matthew and when I was raped... I hadn't told anyone, not even Shawn... Shawn. I was missing him so much... but unfortunately we hadn't really talked yesterday. I understand that he is busy and I respect that of course but I was just needing him so much right now... I was doing really bad... I only got out of my room to do the rest of the songs. They needed a song from me, so I wrote one. I didn't really liked it, neither did they but they put it in anyways. It was called 'Bridges' and I hate it. Shawn had piked up on my well being... of course and worried a lot but I didn't tell him why I was doing so bad... again. I had cut a lot these past week but no one know... and I had smoked a lot... I think Lauren was getting suspicious but hasn't really asked me about it so I just continued. And eaten? I think I finally lost weight again. I write down every single calorie I ate...sometimes ending up with only 500 a day. But today... I was sick. I had a fever and my throat was hurting, just like my head. I had told the girls and they said that I was done with recording for today anyways and let me rest. I knew they weren't happy with me but neither was I.

I was laying in bed, covered in my sweatpants, fluffy socks, one of Shawns shirts and a hoodie on top. I was also clutching the teddy bear and had headphones in. I just wanted him so bad right now... I had been crying a lot lately... and the interview we had went... horrible for me. I barely got any words out and ended up embarrassing myself... everyone made fun of me, hate was spread everywhere and Shawn of course saw it, calling me immediately asking if I was okay. I shrugged it off, telling him that I wasn't going on social media a lot recently, which was a complete lie. I had been going there every day, finding more reasons to hate myself. My head was throbbing and I took a sip from the tea Ally had luckily brought me earlier. My eyes were also burning from tears and pretty puffy and I wasn't able to sleep, but that wasn't anything new... I hadn't been able to sleep for a long time now... since I had left Shawn. Thinking of him made me tear up a bit, grasping my bracelet. I tapped 'I love you' , 'I miss you' and 'I need you'. I need him, a lot. I need his comfort. I also tried calling him or sending him a message, not succeeding though. He hadn't answered any of my calls and it was worrying me. I put my phone back on the table just staring at the ceiling, letting music take over me... sad music.

Shawn's POV

I had talked to everyone in my team, making sure it was alright if I went away for a week or two. I needed to see her. She wasn't doing well at all and I was really worried about her. She just seemed so... sad. Sadder than usual. A lot sadder. She barely talks when we're on the phone and whenever we FaceTime... she looks... different. Tired and sad. And I knew she needed someone, maybe me. Everyone was okay with me leaving for a bit and taking a break from writing so the first thing I did was pack my bags, book a flight and drive to the airport.

I was sitting on the plane, only half an hour left of the flight. It was hard keeping this from her... keeping this a surprise. I hadn't even told the girls but... why should I? It's clearly not like they care. I had gotten a lot of vibrations from her today... all kinds of signals... texts... missed calls but I just couldn't ruin the surprise. I had done a lot of pictures with fans and paparazzis were following me. Some asked about Camila and if we had been in a relationship but I had just ignored that question every time.

I landed, got my bags, took some more photos and quickly called a private uber to take me to the dress of their apartment. Camila had told me the address right when she arrived which I was silently grateful for. I had planned on visiting her towards the end of her stay here... but I didn't know she would be doing so bad. SO I quickly changed my plans. When I arrived, I payed the driver, took out my bags and rushed to the door of the apartment complex, entering the elevator. Fifth floor. I got out of the elevator, almost running through the hallway. When I was on the right door, I knocked and after waiting for a few seconds, Dinah opened the door, surprised. "Oh... hello Shawn, what are you doing here?" "I am here for Mila. Can I come in?" "Sure" she said, stepping to the side. "Oh, and I am staying for a few days, I hope thats tot a problem." "No, not at all." she smiled, letting me in completely. "Ehm, where is she?" I asked when I entered the living room, seeing everyone but her. Lauren turned around, giving me a small smile, which I returned. I know we weren't on best terms, but anyways. "She's in her room... wait I'll take you there... she's been sick the whole day." Ally explained, getting off the couch, walking me to her room. "Here it is." she smiled, wanting to knock on the door before I stopped her. "I want do surprise her." I whispered. "Alright. Have fun, I am glad you're here." she smiled before walking back into the living room. I stood in front of her door for a few seconds before quietly opening the door, not knowing if she was sleeping or not, after hearing that she was sick. I quietly walked inside, seeing her laying on her bed, earphones in and back turned towards the door. I closed the door behind me after pulling my suitcase inside. I walked closer to her bed and walked around to her side, not wanting to scare her. Her eyes were open and when she saw me, she quickly sat up, causing her to hold her head in pain. "Shawn'" she squealed, throwing herself into my arms and burying her head into my neck, sobbing lightly. She was burning due to the fever and had a slightly sweaty forehead. "Baby.." I whispered, drawing circles onto her back. Only by the small contact and the light embrace, I could feel every bone in her body. I pushed her back a bit, causing her to look at me with teary and red puffy eyes. "How are you feeling?" I didn't want to right jump into the subject. I first need to take care of her. "A bit better now that y- you are here." she sobbed. "Let me change and then we can lay in bed, alright? She nodded, falling back into the bed, her eyes following me and watching me change by the mirror in her room. I put on some shorts and a shirt before walking back to her bed which luckily was big enough to easily fit us both inside. I pulled her closer to my body, feeling her ribs and her spine which was worrying me a lot. "baby? Turn around." I whispered. She slowly turned back, facing me. Her cheek bones were very visible, more than usual and there were dark circles under her eyes. Maybe because she was sick... but probably because of something else too. "I love you and I missed you so much." I said, placing my thumb on her cheek. She burried her head in my chest, still crying. Her body felt very hot against my skin. And we only hadn't kissed each other because she didn't want me to get sick too. I held her in my arms until I felt her breath getting regular and she fell asleep.

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Baby :,(