Please don't fall (Shawmila)

61

Camila's POV

I knew I needed to finally get it off my chest. It is Shawn... I trust him... I really do. I just never told him because I was scared.... scared of reliving it. But it was bothering me too much and these nightmares... no... flashbacks... they were really bothering me. I took one last deep breath, before looking at Shawn. He signaled me that he was ready.

"So... where do I start... maybe why I have these nightmares?" I questioned him. He nodded, taking both of my hands in his. I was sitting in front of him, facing him. "So the nightmares aren't really nightmares.... they are more like... flashbacks. I... it was on tour... maybe four months ago?"... "We were in a hotel... it was our second day I think. I just stepped outside to... to get some fresh air... I had a lot going on during that time, so I did not go to the balcony but completely outside." I stopped. A flashback of that moment entered my mind. I was going downstairs, ready to light my cigarette... in a dark alley. That was a mistake. I still couldn't believe I was about to tell Shawn about my rape... " Wanted tone alone for a moment... so I went around the corner of the hotel, entering a darker alley, where no one was. And it was pretty quiet at first... until I heard someone coming closer..." I stopped again, to process what I was going to tell him next. "I ...I turned around and - there was a man, an older man... and he came closer and closer to me... I got scared... really scared." I stopped again, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "I... He asked me if I wanted to have some... some fun..." "No Mila... please tell me this is not going where I think it is...." Shawn said with a slightly trembling voice, still holding my hands in his. I looked up, closing my tear filled eyes and nodding. Unfortunately yes.... "He ... I started... I tried walking away... but he was faster and stronger and grabbed me by my wrist... it... it caused a... a dark bruise... he pressed me against the wall...and then started touching me... everywhere.... " tears were now freely falling from my eyes. Shawn reached out to white them away but it didn't do anything. "I tried.... I tried screaming for help.... I swear I tried.... but he said that if I wouldn't shut my mouth... he would... he would go further." Tears... making my vision blurry. "He... he slid his hand under my hoodie... touching my.... breasts..... and..." "Mila... stop if you don't want to tell me more... if you are not ready... -" "No...no... I need to tell this to someone... and I trust you... it's been bothering for so long.... I- I just have to... tell you..." My voice was wobbly but I hoped he could understand me. He then stretched his arms out towards me, signaling me to come into his arms, which I did. My back rested on his bare chest as he laid us both down on the bed, kissing my head and caressing both of my hands while continuing to listen to me. "I... was so scared.... I felt so... numb.... Lauren called me.... but he ... he threw my phone against the wall... smashing it... and... and then...he slid his hand.... into my... pants." I closed my eyes again, causing that exact vision to enter my mind. I started shaking again but Shawn made sure to hold me tight and kissing me, which helped me a bit... so I continued. "And.... and then... everything... it happened so fast.... he pulled down my pants..... and opened his..... I only remember how he pulled out a condom.... and.... and the sharp pain I felt..... I collapsed... out of pain.... but he... he pulled me back up... be the collar of my hoodie and.... gave me a... a hickey.... before I fell back on the floor..... out of .... pain." and then I lost it completely. I was sobbing so hard, I couldn't even talk or breathe properly. "shh... " Shawn tried to calm me. I could tell he had tears in his eyes too, by the way my neck damped when he kissed it. I turned around so I could comfort him. "Sh- Shawn... don't... don't cry... pl-please.." I stuttered, since my throat wasn't really allowing me to talk or breath properly. "Stop... stop it Mila... stop comforting me... this is about you..." He whispered. holding my face in his hands and kissing my nose. I closed my eyes again and my body shook when a sob escaped my mouth. He held me so tight, as if it would fix me... but unfortunately it didn't. I kept crying on his arms, until my eyes felt heavy, causing me to fall asleep out of exhaustion.

Shawn's POV

Camila was asleep in my arms. I could feel how uneasy she was sleeping and it scared me. I now knew what had happened. I don't know if it made it better talking to me... but now I was constantly worried... I just couldn't push that vision of her, helpless, alone and broken in that alley. How could someone do that to her? Why do people do things like that? Who rapes people? Why?... Why?... I just couldn't push the thoughts out of my head. What she had gone through... broke her even more... And here she is... next to me, in my arms. Mine. And I was trying to fix it... but I wasn't sure if I would be able to... She is not broken... she just... lost her way... but it is okay. I would never leave her on the path of healing alone. I love her too much to do that.

I had so many questions. Did Mila ever get a check up afterwards? How bad was she hurt? Her internals? Did she ever tell someone? I was so confused... scared... worried... about her. I would never want that to happen to anyone.... especially not to Camila.

I tried to clear my mind for a bit, while thinking about Camila, about how much I love her and need her. She would be ok... if not with my help... with help from another person.... but I would take care of her as long as I can. And with that, is kissed Mila one last time, pushing her even closer into my chest and closing my eyes, hoping to calm everything going on...

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Uff....

I'm not feeling too good right now... so the next few chapters might be.... sad?