Please don't fall (Shawmila)

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10k reads guys! I cant believe it omg! Thank you so much🥺❤️
I will update more than once today! Probably 3 chapters today!

Camila's POV

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling a wave of heat overcome me. I pushed myself off the bed and threw the blanket to Shawns side. He was sleeping peacefully as I sat on the edge of the bad and held my head. Having a fever wasn't pretty. I stood up, making my way to the door up to the roof. I had taken off my hoodie since I was feeling super warm so I just walked outside in a shirt and some shorts.

When I stood outside for a few moments it felt good, revealing and fresh. It was chilly but perfect for me. I walked towards the ledge which had a railing and sat down in front of it, leaning my head against it, looking down. We were on the 25th floor and I had a perfect view of Toronto at night. I had an even better view since the building was up on hill. The moon was high up the sky and I loved it. It calmed me a bit. Just looking at the moon gave me a new song idea. I slowly stood up, once again looking down and then walking back to the entrance, but only to get my notebook and my phone. When I had it went back outside and sat near the ledge again, this time, the part without railing so I could have a better view of the city... and the moon. I opened a new page of my book and set my pen on top of the page. 'Real Friends' was what I wrote on top of it. It was again, about my feelings... especially when I'm together with the girls. I looked up at the sky, seeing the moon shining and wrote down a line. 'I stay up, talking to the moon' I love the moon. I sometimes just talk and imagine the moon listening. Especially in times when I feel alone. I used to do that a lot on tour. Usually I would just stare out of the bus window or stand by the hotel window. 'Been feelin' so alone in every crowded room' was what I wrote down next. By that I didn't necessarily mean a crowded room. I just mean... the company of the girls. I never felt like I belonged there... and I still don't. I also mean... my mind and thoughts. Sometimes they would just be so loud and disturbing that they make me feel incredibly... worthless. And thats a feeling that hasn't gone away. 'Cant help but feel like somethings wrong' was my next line. Something is definitely wrong. 'Cause the place I'm living in, just doesn't feel like home'. No where really felt like home... until now. With Shawn, I feel some kind of... safety. This is where I want to be. But on tour? Around the girls? I just don't feel comfortable. Huge crowds make me anxious, being alone.... with my thoughts... almost killed me several times. WI was never safe... only with Shawn. 'I'm just looking for some real friends' and how I am... Shawn is my only real friend. And my family of course. 'All they ever do is let me down'. The girls. Lauren. She used to be my best friend. I trusted her with so much. I used to tell her everything and now? I'm sure she doesn't even know where I am. The girls. I told them all so much. And suddenly? It was like I wasn't even in the room when I was around. How was I supposed to ever feel like I belonged there? My thoughts were only supporting those actions the girls did to me, by telling me how worthless, stupid, ugly unwanted... I was.

I hadn't noticed I started crying... again until the paint of my pen smudged when water ran over it. I wiped over it and smudged a few more words but it didn't do any damage. I leaned down on my back on the stone floor near the ledge. I didn't feel cold at all. But that was probably because of the fever I still had because I was burning. I put the open book on my stomach as I looked up at the moon while calming my thoughts. I closed my eyes for a second until I felt my phone vibrate. It wasn't a message, luckily. But a twitter notification.

'Camila Cabello today, leaving the airport in Toronto with her friend Shawn Mendes.'

It was a normal article with a picture from us from behind. But what caught my eye were the comments underneath the picture. I shouldn't be checking but somehow I never could resist. I tapped on 'load comments' and all comments for that article appeared. What bad comments could b underneath an airport picture from us from behind? I read through the comments and didn't find any... good ones. 'Why are they hanging out?' , 'Please tell me they aren't dating...', 'Ooop- Camila gained weight' , 'Shawn looks so hot but Camila?...', Camila looks so chubby', 'Why is she even famous?',' 🤮🤮', ''She does not deserve to be alive', 'She should have been gone long ago holy heck...'. For once I thought I couldn't get hate on a simple picture but oh lord was I wrong. I was tearing up and let the tears escape. But they are true... the comments. I do not deserve to be alive... I never deserved any of this... my music career... the girls... my wonderful family... Shawn. Nothing. I sat back up and let my feet hang over the ledge. This was a near death experience. But the thought of what I could do right now kind of... relieved me. It would be so easy. But I knew I couldn't. Shawn. I wasn't ready to leave Shawn. I knew he would be so heart broken and I don't want that. I'm already causing him enough pain. I'm probably such a burden for him... for everyone. I pushed my legs a bit further down the ledge but not so far that I could fall down. Then I let myself fall back down on my back. The book was again open on my stomach and my phone was lying next to me. The tears had not dried yet and I was sobbing but I was helpless. I know I could go back inside but... I felt like I was suffocating being inside right now. So I stayed outside, laying on the ground with my feet hanging down the building and tears escaping my eyes in the middle of the night.

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I opened my eyes and it was early morning. The sun was slowly rising, causing the sky to be orange. I was in the exact same position but this time, I was freezing. Somehow I was freezing and had sweat everywhere. So I slowly pushed myself back up, noticing my feet, which were still hanging down the building. I had a headache which caused me to have some balance issues but I quickly steadied myself to not fall forward. I closed my eyes for a second and pushed myself up on my my feet. I felt extremely weak but still managed to pick up my things and walk back inside. My eyes were burning because of the tears and I'm sure they were read. I walked inside the room where Shawn was sleeping, watched him for a few moments and then laid down next to him but not without pulling on a sweater and some leggings. I pulled a bit of the blanket over myself in hopes it would warm me again. My Hans and feet were very cold, I was freezing but I somehow was also sweating. Was this ever going away....

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I really love the song 'real friends'... probably my favorite song from her first album 'Camila' along with 'somethings gotta give' and 'All these years'. But of course I love the whole Album!

What is your favorite song from the Album 'Camila' ? Let me know!