Please don't fall (Shawmila)

81

Camila's POV

UNKNOWN (5 hours ago): Hello Camila, how are times in New york? Are we finally gonna get new songs from you? Your beautiful voice? I am excited to see you on stage again

UNKNOWN (1 minute ago): Don't ignore my text, Camzi. How are things? You feeling alright? Somethings coming for you.

I closed my eyes, groaning and setting my phone down. Things would be great today. I could feel it. I picked my phone back up, put my empty bowl into the dish washer and walked back into my room. On the way there I crossed paths wit Lauren.

"Morning Camila." She smiled bit at me. "Hey.." "How are you feeling?... After everything that happened? Any better" No, absolutely not. "Yeah, kind of. I think I just needed a pause. But I'm glad to finally be back..." I lied. "Great, we all appreciate it, that we can finally tour together again. We can perform again as Fifth harmony... finally..." She said, grinning. Oh, it's all about performing. About being 'Fifth' Harmony again. I nodded and she passed by me, patting my back lightly. I walked into my room, choosing some comfortable clothes and changing. I just couldn't hold myself back today. I just had to wear one of Shawn's hoodies. I was missing him too much, again. I even let my bond touch bracelet on... I needed the 'contact' to him. I needed him.

We were in the studio together, choosing the beats. Some of our managers would be coming over today, bringing producers to her us. I was nervous. It would be so many people. I had to talk to Shawn before. I needed some strength for today. We were all sitting in the studio working on some beats. I was sitting there just watching and listening, jut like yesterday. They didn't let me have a say in anything. Well.... barely a say... I sat, watching the discuss everything. When we were doing lunch break, I stepped into my room, closing the door behind me. I need to talk to Shawn. I grabbed my phone, dialing Shawns number. But he didn't pick up... Not after the first, second or third time. It made me tear up and I was scared that he was ignoring me. I laid back in my bed, letting the phone fall onto my chest. This was exhausting me and it had only been a few days. I walked over to my bag, pulling out my cigarettes and gettin out to my balcony. I needed this right now, I need to relax, now. I was already crying so when I was lighting up the cigarette, I slightly burned my thumb... because I sobbed. I didn't care though, I didn't even feel the pain. I have had a lot worst. I suck in the smoke, letting it invade my lungs once again, like I had done so many times before. When my first cigarette was done, I took out another one, enjoying it, which I knew was a bad sign. I walked back inside, seeing that I had only a couple minutes left until our would arrive so I sprayed myself with some body spray and walked back into the studio, where I was the first one. I had brought my notebook, scanning the song I had originally written for the group. They didn't like it. So in my head, the song was bad as well. I ripped the page out, crumbled it up and threw it to the other side of the room, getting angry at myself. I didn't let tears escape my eyes though, knowing that the girls would be entering the room soon. And as soon as that thought left my mind, the door opened and Dinah entered, followed by the team and the girls. "Hello girls, so we heard you have some songs already and we are here to help you finish them and making the arrangements with you so we will only have to put on the music and you can practice. " We all nodded and they took out the songs they had written. The producers looked around, seeing everyones papers but mine. "Camila? Where is your song?" one of them asked. "I- I wrote one but it wasn't good." I stuttered, suddenly feeling really nervous. "But you know it's your duty, this is your work, Camila. Everyone has to put in work to be able to sing and earn something from it." He was a bit mad at me, I could tell. I nodded, looking ashamed onto the table. "You are not showing us enough... and definitely not enough to work with right now." I nodded again. "We will give you time until tomorrow to write a song for the tour. You are bound to do it. You are working in a group with four other girls, everyone is doing something... and you?" I nodded again feeling incredibly ashamed and.... worthless at the moment. All eyes were on me and it was so quiet, you could hear a needle fall. It made me so uncomfortable that I stood up, grabbed my notebook and left the room, getting back into my own room. This is not what I want.... but I have to. I entered my bathroom and I knew what I was going to do. And it all seemed... to be going downhill again. I took out a blade I had bought at the airport when I arrived and pulled up my hoodie, setting the blade on the other side of my stomach. I slid it through, not putting much pressure on it, knowing that this blade was a lot sharper then the one from my razor. When I saw that the cut was pretty light, I pulled it through again, putting much more pressure on it, immediately leaving thick cut, blood immediately running out of my cut. I was surprised myself that it was that much blood. I had tears streaming down my face. I quickly took the first aid kit out of my cabin, pulled out a big pad and placed it on the cut. The pad immediately soaked with blood but didn't allow it to flow out onto my pants or hoodie, so i let it like that for a few seconds before putting on a second one. I cleaned everything up and left the bathroom, sitting on my bed sobbing. How did everything go downhill so fast. Not only do I think I am not enough, but also the producers... and the girls.... and the fans... Everyone. I felt my phone vibrating, seeing it was a FaceTime call from Shawn. I couldn't faceTime right now... I look horrible. But I knew I had to pick up. I needed to talk to him. I tapped on accept but immediately tapped on the small icon to turn the camera around. "Baby?" he asked, worry in his voice. "Hey." I tried sounding normal. "Turn your camera around, I want to see you." he said. "no, I- I just woke up baby, I had time for... a nap." I lied. "Babe, it doesn't matter, you are beautiful either way. Show me your face." he tried again. "You called me three times earlier but I didn't have my phone while recording, I'm sorry." he explained. "It's ok." I said, trying to sound convincing. "Now, turn your camera around baby." he said a bit firmer this time. I let out a sigh and tapped on the icon to show my face. I looked at me and didn't say anything at first. "Baby? What is up with you? Have you been crying?" he asked, concern immediately showing in his voice. "N- no" I said, my voice breaking a bit. "You were... why? Has anything happened with you and the girls?" "No... Yes... I just feel uncomfortable here..." I admitted. "Everything just feels so.. strange." "baby, but thats normal, you were on a long break." "I know... but it's... it's... different... I don't feel like I know any of them... I can't do anything r-right... n-no one t-thinks I am.... enough...." Thick tears escaped from my eyes once again... as I quickly wiped them away. "No... no, stop it baby.... don't say that ever again... please... I love you so, so much. I can't even describe it... I don't have words to describe to you how much I love you..." I didn't say anything but heard him sniffle. He was crying too. "No... babe, don't cry. Please..." I begged him. "How am I supposed not to? Mila, you are the thing I care most about... and seeing you hurting like this, not being able to hold you... not being able to fly out to you due to my tight schedule ... it just hurt's me, a lot." He cried. I clutched the phone to my chest, falling back into my bed. "Babe, stop... please... or I will not be able to stop crying..." I said through tears. He calmed down a bit, so did I. "Alight baby, please... text me... call me... whenever you need to. I won't be able to answer immediately but as soon as I'm free, I will." he said. "I will..." I reassured him. "I love you..." "I love you too. A lot." and with that he hung up.

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:(

GAME: Look at the picture on the top of the chapter and tell the story you know about it! It has something to do with Shawmila! I'm excited to see who remembers haha!