Please don't fall (Shawmila)

22

Lauren's POV
I woke up by the sun shining into my bunk through the little window. I stretched as much as I could and got out, I don't know what I wanted to do but I got out of my bunk and walked towards the back part of the bus.
When I opened the door, quietly so no one would wake up, I saw a small figure sitting on the bench, eyes closed, knees pulled up to her chest and headphones in. Camila. I slowly made my way towards her after closing the door and sat down beside her. Her position didn't really look comfortable so I slowly put her head on my shoulder and stretched out her legs onto the bench. Then I grabbed her small and thin hands.
For a few minutes I rubbed my thumb over her hand and watched her while she slept. And that's when I saw the dark circles under her eyes She looked really tired. Like always these last few weeks...

I continued rubbing her hand, slowly going up her arm, doing a pattern with my fingers. Her Sleeve went up a little and that's when I saw...
Two red marks on her wrist. And they weren't exactly light. I wanted to push her sleeve further up but Camila stirred, pushed her arm away and opened her eyes. I looked at her face, more exactly into her eyes, that were still sleepy but you could still see, that there wasn't the usual sparkle in them, to see if she had noticed me, seeing her wrist. I wasn't really sure if it were cuts she did to herself or if it was something else but I just had to keep an eye on her.

"Hey" I smiled when she didn't say anything.
"Hi" she said and gave me a small smile. She the grabbed her phone to check the time. I also glanced down at her phone to see the time. 7:52 am. Pretty early. "How many hours did you sleep?" I asked her. "You look pretty tired." "I don't really know. I think the sun was already rising." She answered looking down at her hands where she noticed her sleeve being up a little but you couldn't really see her wrist or anything but she still grabbed it in between her fingers. She definitely had something to hide there or she just did it out of reflex... i don't know.
"Since when are you sitting here?" she asked. "20 Minutes maybe" she just nodded. "You can continue to sleep." "No I can't..." she said quietly.
"Why?" I asked. "I just can't sleep.... alone, on my own..." She whispered the last part. "You know I can sleep with you." I offered. " You don't have to sleep alone" She looked up at me, thinking I was joking. She then stood up and walked towards her bunk without a word. I just followed. When I reached her bunk she was already inside, pressed to the wall to make space for me. I pushed the blanket away and got in next to her. I then put my arm around her and she nuzzled her head in the crook of my neck.
When her breathing got steady and she wasn't moving I closed my eyes and slept too.

Camila's POV
I woke up by a weight pressing against my hurt wrist. When I rolled over I saw Lauren laying next to me, sleeping with her arms against my back and her body laying on my arm.
I slowly pushed it away, turned my back to Lauren and rolled my sleeve up. I saw some of the Cuts open again and bleeding. I was glad my Sweater was black so you couldn't see the blood drips on my sleeve. I just wiped the sleeve over my cuts and laid back down.
I thought I could sleep again when I suddenly felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.
I took it and a notification was shown.

UNKNOWN ( just now) : ' How are you feeling today? Did you check your social medias? '

That message made my heart sink. I don't want to imagine what is happening there. I did just recently post a picture on Instagram and on Twitter. It was a picture of us five on stage on our last show.
I know I shouldn't check Instagram but somehow I wanted to know what's going on, even if I had an Idea what this was about.
So I tapped on the Instagram Icon and it immediately opened.
I had a lot of private messages and thousands of notifications. I tapped on the notifications and it brought me directly to the comment section of my recent post.
I scrolled through the Comments and saw some saying that they wished they could see us live or telling us how good we looked but that was only a small part of the comments.
Most of the comments were saying how fat I looked in that body or how bad my body was built. Some of the comments were also referring to my voice, how it was annoying or how the group would have more success if I would sing as much parts or if I wouldn't be in the group at all.

I had a lump in my throat and the tears were threatening to spill. But I didn't want them to fall because Lauren was still sleeping next to me and I couldn't get out of my bunk. So I just turned my back to Lauren so I was laying  on my side and as soon as I laid down, the tears started to fall. I tried to keep the sobs quiet and the sniffling unnoticed so no one could hear me.
I dug my finger nails deep into my already hurting and bleeding wrist so it started to bleed even more but i didn't even care.

After a few minutes I felt Lauren moving behind me so I tried to shut my mouth.
"Camz? Are you awake?" she asked quietly.
I didn't respond. But she put her hand on my shoulder and slowly turned me around.
"Hey, wait, what's wrong?" she asked when she saw my face.
I didn't answer again. "Talk to me Camz" she said concerned as she carefully embraced me.
I wiped my tears away with my sleeve but unfortunately hadn't noticed that the sleeve was slightly rolled up. Lauren did notice though. "Camila! What happened? You're bleeding!" Lauren said shocked. I didn't know what to do or say. So I just grabbed my sleeve and pulled it over my hand so she could no longer see the blood. "Show me your arm please. Why are you bleeding?" She said as she grabbed my arm carefully after sitting up.
She rolled my sleeve up while I couldn't control my sobs and tears. Lauren was about to find out about my self harming and there was nothing I could do to stop her. My sobs were getting uncontrollable and I felt my chest tighten when she had rolled the sleeve all the way up.
I wasn't looking at her so I only heard her loud gasp. She let go of my arm and thats when I looked at her. She had her hands in front if her mouth and I could see the tears slowly falling from her eyes.

I must admit that my wrist looked pretty bad but to me it didn't matter.
"Camila please tell me....tell me this isn't what I think it is..." she said, tears falling from her eyes.
I couldn't say anything and it was getting very hard to breathe.
I just pushed down my sleeve again, leaned my back agains the wall of my bunk and pressed my knees to my chest to lay my head on top. The tears still falling non-stop.

You know the feeling when you're about to faint? That's what I was feeling in that moment. Lauren was just a blur to me in that moment. Breathing was really hard and I could hear Laurens words only in the back, fading out. My eye were closing and I was really panicking because I had never felt like this before. But I couldn't do anything.

After a few more moments, my eyes fell shut. Everything went black.

What are you thinking about my story so far? I know its A LOT of drama so I know not everyone will like it but yeah... Let me know in the comments <3