A Furious Chick

Self Destruct

Kaleb

I woke up with a pounding headache. What the fuck? My stomach was turning and my back was aching but I never felt more alive. A hangover, my how I've missed this feeling. I heard movement downstairs.

I got up slowly and walked to my kitchen. I made myself a coffee and stalked to the living room where Alina was putting her books in boxes. She's so dramatic, I swear. I sat down on my sofa. I remember her attacking me last night and damn near crushing my skull. For no reason, by the way. I sipped my coffee.

"So, you're really leaving?" I asked her. She would never leave me. She's my soulmate.

"Yes." She nodded, closing the box and moving to another. "I no longer have any value in your life."

"What makes you say that?" I asked. I was honestly confused.

"Kaleb, I don't want to talk." She held up a hand.

"I mean, you're leaving. I think I deserve an explanation."

"I owe you nothing." She hissed.

"Can you look at me for a moment?" I asked. I had a bad feeling.

She didn't seem to want to listen.

"Why can't you look at me?"

"Because, Kaleb. If I look at you, I will fall into you. Your presence, your aura. I can't allow myself to disregard my morals in favor of yours anymore. I have to move on."

"Talk to me."

"I met you...and ever since, my life has changed more than I've ever imagined. I'm from a small town in Russia with a large family. And I met you and suddenly it seemed like you were the only solid in my life. When I'm around you, my heart races. When I'm not near you, I can't breathe. I am in love with you and yet you seem to want nothing. Not me, not a healthy life, not a family with a home. Your happiness comes in a bottle and nothing else seems to matter."

I rolled my eyes.

"I've watched you suffer, I've watched you glow with a smile, I watched you be compassionate and it's while you have booze in your system. It's not healthy for your organs, for your mind and those around you. You grew up around the concept that everything will be okay through a bottle and people have tried to stop the habit. And you won't listen. And for that, I am walking away. I've disregarded everything I've ever wanted for you and you still can't seem to grasp that a bottle is only temporary and I was forever. You don't appreciate me."

My heart started hurting.

"Alina."

"You're digging a hole for yourself and sooner or later, you're going to crumble. And I can't save you anymore."

Is this serious?

"But...I love you." I whispered, on the verge of tears as air was knocked from me.

"I believe that." She stood with the box. "But I believe you love the bottle more. You're comfortable in depression and self destruction and I can't stand to watch you slowly kill yourself."

"So as a way to heal yourself, you break me?" My heart was broken and she didn't even care. "So fuck you."

"You've been broken, Kaleb."

"Go."

She finally looked at me. "Take care of yourself. Stop the drinking. Stop the shenanigans. Grow up."

"I'm giving you five seconds to get the fuck out of my sight. I hate you. You're a waste of my time."

"Don't get all Howard on me! I've-"

I blacked out. I stood up and flipped my chair over, running to the bookcase and smashing it. I grabbed her box of books, flinging it. I hated her. I hated everything that came with her. Her stupid books, her morals, her fucking beliefs. Why doesn't she just want me?! Am I not enough? I destroyed everything in my living room and Alina stood on the sidelines, watching me turn into a complete lunatic. After punching a hole through a wall, I staggered back.

"Go." I panted.

She looked at the mess and at me and took a deep breath. She gave me a small nod and ran out of the house, seemingly distraught.

"It's okay, Kaleb. Bourbon is the only love you need." I paused. "Maybe Whiskey."