A Furious Chick

Goodbye

Brian

I looked at Katherine. Her wrapped head, wrapped limbs, wired jaw. I looked at her skin, her lips, her nose. All were raw but I only saw beauty. I watched as the nurse unhooked the finale piece of machine and take a step back.

"Can I have a moment?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

She nodded silently and hurried out.

I moved my seat up closer to the bed and took a deep breath.

"Funny, hmm? I always figured you were invincible." I let out a small chuckle. "Saw the kids this morning. They asked about you. I don't know what to say. Ruby lost a tooth, I have to put money under her pillow. Hmm. You were never someone easy to love but you were someone worth loving. And I love you. I'll never stop. I am sorry. It should've been Alina. It should've been me. It shouldn't have been my beautiful wife. But it was. You made the decision and I have to live with that. Only question is: how do you live without your purpose?"

The machine beeped. Her heart monitor falling into a straight line.

"I love you." My heart was beginning to break. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

The nurse came in and silenced the monitor. It was quiet. Too quiet. She walked out again and I touched Katherine's hand. She was warm.

"I love you." I kissed her knuckles, tears falling. "I'm sorry."

I heard movement and I turned to see who it was. It was Alina, in her wheelchair. She had stitches on one side of her face, going up to her scalp. Alina suffered fourth degree burns on her leg which will scar her forever, a brain bleed, a broken tailbone and a punctured vessel. Still, she was alive and well.

"Brian...I am so sorry." She began.

"It should've been you." I snapped, tears flowing swiftly now. "Not her. Not ever her."

Alina looked stunned.

"Because of you...my kids will not see their mom's face in the audience at their high school graduation. Jonathan won't be able to be a momma's boy. I won't get to hold her anymore, give her a kiss, see her beautiful face every moment. You let my wife die."

Alina slowly wheeled herself closer to me with anger in her eyes. "You lost your person. I lost mine, too. Katherine didn't ever want to go back into battle, watch her brother die and leave her kids. She wanted peace. So don't blame me. Because she was my best friend. And if I could change time, I wouldn't be in this wheelchair. I'd be in that bed with her crying over me."

I stayed quiet, anger rising in me.

"Can I have a moment alone with her?" Alina had tears falling, her lips trembling.

I needed air. I ran out of the hospital, past the team waiting in the lobby. The sun was out but I felt no heat, the sky was blue but I only saw grey. I was alive but I no longer felt like I was living. I dropped to the ground, tears falling and I felt it. I felt the pain and agony of no longer having my love.

"Pick your head up and shut up."

I could practically hear Katherine in my head saying those words. She never let me feel desperation or sorry for myself. She was always pushing me to do better. In life, you find your person. And you have an epic journey with that person...but what happens when that person is gone?