A Collection of Duncney

Six Seconds

Six seconds

That's all it takes.

Six seconds of fear.

Six seconds of that guttural feeling of 'I'm not going to make it'

Six seconds of thinking the weight is on your shoulders.

Six seconds of feeling utterly, desperately, helpless. 

Six seconds of that primal fear. Deep in your bones. 

Six seconds of feeling like you're going to die.

This is it.

This is the end. 

I'm too far gone and no one can save me. 

Do they even want to save me?

Am I a burden?  

Do they roll their eyes when they see I'm having another episode?

"Just knock it off,"

"You're working yourself up,"

"Calm down,"

"It's not real, take a deep breath,"

But it is real. 

It's real for me.

It feels so fucking real in the moment, you cant decipher from reality.

My heart is beating too fast.

I can't breathe.

Something is wrong.

My body stiffens.

I lose control.

I'm begging for the light that's too far out of reach. 

I'm sinking.

There is no hope.

Your life in that moment, Is over. 

The light just beyond the surface is fading.

Darkness consumes me. 

That's what it is.

That's what it feels like. 

When you dive into a body of water,

And you begin to swim to the surface.

But, there's that moment.

That moment of 'I'm not going to make it'

That moment of 'it's too far out of my reach,'

That panic. 

That horror.

That anxiety.

Being stuck under the surface, when you can see the light. 

But it's too far out of your reach,

You'll drown.

You won't make it.

There's no hope.

That's what it feels like. 

That'd what it feels like to have anxiety. 

To have panic attacks.

I know I'm here. 

I can hear you!

I can see you!

But you're just out of reach.

"I need you to calm down, please. Nothing is wrong,"

I know that. 

But it doesn't stop. 

The panic.

The intense feeling of dread.

You imagine the worst.

My heart is beating too fast, I must be having a heart attack.

I can't breathe right, something must be wrong.

I can't focus, I'm going to have a seizure. 

Something isn't right. Something is wrong. 

Something is wrong with me. 

Your heartbeat is too fast, slow it down.

Your mind is racing, breathe in deep. 

Panic is a feeling like no other. 

It freezes you. Makes you feel like you're the weakest person around.

But panic doesn't define you.

Panic makes you aware.

Panic makes you believe there can be a light at the end of that tunnel. 

That you can make it to the surface.

Anxiety is a bitch, and she knows just how to get you going. 

Anxiety knows what you're afraid of, and uses it.

Panic attacks feel like you're about to drown. 

It's that six seconds of fear, just below the surface.

Thinking you're not going to make it.

That you're going to drown.

Six seconds of weakness.

Six seconds that no one ever understands. 

Six seconds you need people to understand the most. 

(A/N- I wrote this after having a sever panic attack. I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder. It's a feeling unlike any I have ever experienced. I wrote this for people who don't understand that panic. Like you're going to die. I hope this helps all those who suffer from anxiety/panic disorder, and those who don't. Maybe it'll give you a little insight to our minds when we go though something like this. It's awful. It's debilitating. I love you all)