Eternally His (Dazai Osamu x Reader)

Problem Solving 101

Dazai's P.O.V.
I sat in my cell, "I really hope she's alright."

"Oi Dazai." A voice called out, I lifted my head to see Fyodor, "what?"

"Let's talk about our problems to pass the time."

"Problems?" I asked then sighed, "You go first."

"My subordinates are so lazy, they barely listen to a word I say."

"Insight fear in them if that's the case, it's easier to make someone work for you if they fear things you're capable of."

"I see." He had a thinking expression on, "Okay what about you? Your problems?"

"Y/n doesn't want to commit a double suicide with me. On top of that I haven't seen her beautiful face or gotten to kiss her in so long~ I feel like I'm going to explode."

"To get her to want to die doesn't sound too complicated, N/n (nickname for those of you who might've forgot) isn't necessarily the most stable person out there. You should wait for the right time to ask her. As for you not being to see or kiss her, you're probably pent up."

My eyes widened as I laughed, "pent up? Now that you mention it, it hasn't been too long since I last got a little something. I, unfortunately, had to cheat on her with a nurse at my hospital for information and just to use a cellular device."

"Oh~ cheating? Does she know?"

"Rule 13: if one is either caught or gives into the action of cheating for information, the action is discarded and therefore doesn't count."

"I see, is that some sort of mafia code?"

"No, it's our personal rule book apparently. I had no knowledge of the rules so I don't really know why she forgave me."

Fyodor sighed, "I wonder if he's doing his job."

"By he, you mean Nikolai?"

"Yes, he tends to slack off way too much. I can't ever get him off his ass."

"Insight fear?"

"Nikolai knows my strengths and weaknesses due to us growing up together. He also has said himself he'll near fear someone who is shorter than him." He groaned.

I laughed, "I see. Maybe he thinks you to be on the short side because you are short?"

"No, I'm tall. Nikolai is just a palm tree and won't admit it. He insists his height is average and it's not."

"He's what? 5'11? Like me?"

"No, Nikolai is 6 foot tall."

I blinked, "since when is a clown 6 foot tall? I-" I stopped then facepalmed

"Exactly, he just won't admit he's tall. Instead he teases me about my height when I'm not that short."

"I see. Maybe you're not that short but he sees you as short."

"You do realize we are around the same height right?"

My laughter came to a halt, "we are?"

Fyodor began to chuckle, "yes. I don't know who is taller but I can say with certainty you and I are roughly the same height."

I blinked twice, "You- you're joking."

"Dazai you aren't as tall as you think."

"I-..."

"You've been hanging around N/n and Chuuya too much."

I groaned, "don't be that pipsqueak up. As for Y/n, I believe she is an average height for a female."

"I would assume so but she's still short compared to you and I. It would just be wrong if we brought Nikolai into the mix." He chuckled again.

"I still can't believe he's 6 foot..."

"I didn't want to believe it either, honestly he's roughly around 6 foot. He might be taller."

"Oh dear god..."

"I know, he's truly a force to be reckoned with. I highly doubt either the Port Mafia of the Armed Detective Agency will be able to defeat him."

"I wouldn't be so sure. Atsushi will think of something to defeat Nikolai. If not then Y/n has it covered."

"But let me ask you this then..." he held a finger to his lips, "N/n has known us longer and has an irreplaceable bond with the both of us, what do you think she'll do if Nikolai was in a situation where he could surely die?"

"Y/n being the caring person she is would help the bastard of course. I'm not stupid enough to think for a moment she won't betray us. Even if she has said bond with you two, it doesn't change the fact that she also has irreplaceable bonds others than you."

"I see, so if she were to have to chose between a member of the mafia and Nikolai, who do you think she'd chose?"

"Hopefully the mafia member. I don't want her to betray us however I know that you guys meant a great deal to her back then. She isn't the same person she once was, you two have been gone for years now. The bond you guys have with her isn't the same and definitely not as strong as it was."

There was nothing but silence for a few minutes.

"Anyway, so how about we ask a question at the same time?" Fyodor asked

"Alright."

We both took a breath and at the same time,

"I would like to know," he started

"Tell me," I began,

"How are you contacting people on the outside?"

We both gave each other a look then shared a laugh, "how convenient you'd think of the same question."

"Yes, really convenient."

"Well unfortunately for you I don't expose my secrets." He shrugged

"I also can't share that with you, it would spoil the fun."
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whew! another day another chapter. i hope you guys enjoyed reading the book this far, please let me know if you'd like to see other characters from either bungou stray dogs or even other anime done. i'm open to really any requests❤️