Anime X Reader

Ouran Host Club - Tamaki part 2

I look at myself in the mirror, the girl that stares back at me looks like someone familiar, but I don't recognize her. Her hair looked tame and her face looks misshapen. It reminds me of a doll, something less than human. Definitely not me.

Her knee-high dress was a bright red, I don't think I've ever worn anything red, let alone a red dress. Her dark tights clothed her legs, her heels gave her an additional three inches, and her neck was wrapped with a pearl necklace.

She looked back at me, uncomfortable, stiff, with her hands folded over one another in front of her. She had a corsage pressed against her right wrist and she's sure someone gave it to her, but their face seemed fuzzy to her.

I knew the girl I was looking at was me, I've seen her my entire life and yet she looks so pretty it couldn't be. I reached out to the mirror to touch her, but before I could my bedroom door opened and my mom stood at the doorframe to look at me. I recoil my hand and approach the older woman, a sense of instant relief falls upon me.

"It's time," She says and sticks her hand out to me, "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be, I guess..."

--

How do you watch the love of your life stand and await for the love of their life to come walking down the aisle? How do you live knowing the fact that you weren't enough for them? That they had to find somebody else because your love wasn't enough for them?

I don't believe in love, I think the idea of leaving yourself so vulnerable to another person is stupid and pathetic. I think that giving someone that much power of you is naive. It's so unpredictable, so scary, and it makes me feel so powerless because I can't control people. I can't control the people I love and that gives them the ability to hurt me.

I think it's cruel, loving someone for a while and then having to move on. The feeling could go away in such a blink of an eye that it felt useless. What's the point? If both people will end up hurt in the end, what is the point? Either through heartbreak or death, someone leaves and it all comes crashing down.

Is that what love is? In the story books the main characters always end up loving each other forever, but the real world never works that way. If love was really as it's described then why do people drift apart? Why do they break up? Why do they feel heartbreak?

Then the music starts. The iconic wedding anthem, the tune that every woman hears as she walks through the great hall to her fiance. I could never do that, I'd be too scared that people would be talking bad about me. I would be too scared that I'd trip and fall and embarrass myself. No marriage isn't for me because what's a marriage without love, right?

The woman dressed in white approaches her future husband, eventually passing by my mom and I, and my grip on my boyfriend's hand tightens. She hates us, I acknowledge. She has hated me since the day she met me because she believes in love. She believes that once she marries my father, he will choose her above everything else. She thinks that he will love her even if she manages to take me out of the will.

But she's wrong. Live isn't real. She doesn't love him, she loves his money. He doesn't love her, he loves her body. My mom doesn't even love him, she loves the idea of him. The idea of a perfect family, that's why she made me dress like this. She wanted to give the illusion that the both of us were fine without him, that we were the ones winning even with his new wife, but we weren't.

My mom's heart was still broken and I was still as uncomfortable in this dress as I was when I first saw it. I wondered if my dad ever even liked me. I knew he wanted a son so maybe he was disappointed in the person I've become, but I knew it wasn't love. No matter how many times I hear the word, it will never have any bearing to me. It just won't.