Romantic Killer But I Made It Gay

Past 63

"Is Haru coming?"

"Haru? Yeah, he should be here soon."

"You know that boy, always running late—brings me back to old times."

I stop to catch my breath and the conversation fades out as my ears ring. I had to run most of the way here to not be late, and I'm exhausted. Once I've recovered I walk over to the group just as Ryuya grumbles, "I bet he'll show up wearing a lame sushi shirt like always."

"What's wrong with sushi?" I counter, walking up between Amin and Riporin, who grin at me.

"You're wearing nice clothes!" Amin states happily, reaching up to pat me on the head.

"Is that really you, Haru?" Yuri asks softly. Looks like she hasn't changed much, from her glowing white dress and clean blue coat to her kind gray eyes and long black hair. "You got so much taller."

"Trying to one up us, huh?" Miyuki challenges, swinging a fist up. "Well I grew too, so take that!"

"I'm not trying to challenge you," I laugh awkwardly. She hasn't changed either—same short but brown hair and hazel eyes, same intense nature. She's wearing short jeans and a pink shirt with the words: This is the color red, deal with it! written on it.

I glance around her to Harue, her twin sister, who waves shyly. I guess she's the only one who's different, but she could just be shy since we haven't seen each other in a while. She's always like that around new people, so I'm hoping she'll warm up to me.

Harue's look matches her sister's, but her hair is longer and she tends to wear darker colors. Right now she's dressed in gray leggings and a black shirt with a tiny white logo I can't quite read in the corner. The only flashes of color on her are the two blue hair clips holding her hair out of her face, which I don't remember from elementary school.

"You're dressed...normal," Ryuya grunts, avoiding my eyes. He hasn't grown much since elementary school, but he was tall then so now he's only a few inches shorter than me. Complementing his chocolate brown spiky hair and small brown eyes, he's wearing a red brown shirt with a logo I don't recognize and dark jeans.

I don't manage to avoid noticing his flushed cheeks as his eyes struggle to find something to focus on. Don't tell me he has a crush on me. No way, Ryuya's the straightest guy I know—there's no way he could like me. Well, I know for 100% certainly I have no interest in him, and I really don't want to have to reject someone today. I'm not used to people confessing, so I'm not used to rejecting them.

That is, if he confesses at all. Think on the bright side, Haru!

"I've grown up," I inform him. "I don't wear stupid shirts anymore."

"Wow, you've grown up that much in a month?" Emi teases, walking up casually to join the group. "Sup, everyone?"

"What took you so long?" Miyuki asks, raising a fist which Emi cheerily bumps.

"I have to arrive late, that way all the attention is on me," she informs the girl. When we all stare at her she laughs, waving her hand at us. "Just kidding. Someone I don't know confessed to me and I had to turn him down."

Yuri laughs lightly. "You haven't changed at all, Emi."

"Hey, I've changed!" She looks around the group happily. "All of us have. We've all gotten braver, more independent, taller...some of us," she adds, smirking at Ryuya, who glares.

"I've gotten taller! Well, my growth spurt is coming!"

"Keep telling yourself that," Emi mocks. The rest of us laugh while he flushes furiously. "Anyways, what's the plan?"

"I think we're going bowling, right?" I send a glance at Riporin, who nods.

"Nice! Let's play boys against girls!" Emi suggests jokingly.

"No!" Ryuya and I yelp at the same time, then glare at each other.

"Haru's a weakling," he tries to defend himself, but it doesn't really help his case. "We'd lose for sure."

"I've played enough bowling simulators to know how it works," I inform him curtly. "And I've been working out. I'm just worried you'd screw up and ruin it."

I can practically feel the electricity shoot between us until he sighs, his cheeks flushing, and looks away.

"Whatever. Let's just go." He starts off into the building and we follow.

"What was that all about?" Riporin worries, catching up with me and making me realize I was walking faster than usual.

"Yeah, you two used to be such good friends," Amin agrees, walking on my other side. "What happened?"

I shrug. "I guess we've changed more than I thought. I'll try not to fight with him anymore." When Amin frowns I add, "I'm sorry. I know you arranged this and it's special to you, and here I am, fighting with a childhood friend. I'm really sorry." I look down at my hand, surprised to see it's shaking. What's wrong with me? I'm not usually like this. I don't apologize this much either. It's like I'm reverting to my elementary school self, unsure and afraid of everything.

"It's okay. You don't have to force yourself." Riporin puts a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "Thank you for doing this."

I smile, but it feels forced, and I'm sure it comes off that way too. I thought this part of me was gone. I thought I was okay. But deep down, I never truly believed that. I never let go of the fear and the self-hatred. It's always been a part of me. But I decide to make a promise to myself: after today, I'll let it go.

But I don't really believe that either.