Romantic Killer But I Made It Gay

Part 101

Emi waves goodbye where our ways home separate and I continue walking on, my  heart pounding. I've been thinking about what I'm going to say; through finishing lunch, through Koi complaining how much it was going to cost him and through walking to this point. And so far I've thought of...nothing. I know how I feel, I know what I need to say, I just don't know how to say it without crushing Junta beneath my words or making my relationship with Tsukasa uncomfortable.

I blink from my thoughts, horrified to see I'm almost home. I slow my pace, my mind racing, scrambling for anything I can say, any way I can sugarcoat it. How do you even sugarcoat saying "I know you like me, but I don't like you, sorry. Also I like the guy right next to you." I nervously run a hand through my short hair. It sounds awful no matter how you put it. Is it best to just say it how it is, or to...not say it at all? That's the option I most want to pick but it's the one I know I can't.

I groan, slowing to a stop. This is too much, it might be too soon. Should I wait? Should I continue this life like nothing's happening?

"Hey."

I jump, whipping around as Koi jumps  back, hands up. I guess the look in my eyes is enough to scare him.

"What do you want?" I grumble, glaring at him. "I'm in the midst of some important things, okay?"

He nods slowly, lowering his head. "I'm sorry."

I'm a little taken aback. Why is he apologizing? I thought he wanted me to confess. "Why—?"

"I gave you multiple love interests, hoping it would prompt you to fall in love. I never expected you would have to make a choice like this. It must be terrible. So I'm sorry."

I stare at him. Slowly, I walk over and put a hand on his shoulder.

He looks up, surprised, and I yell, "How did you not expect this!? I thought this was the whole point of your whole goddamn mission! Why are you acting now like you feel awful!?" I shake his shoulder violently until he frees himself from my grip, jumping back again.

"I...I know. I just wanted to let you know how I feel."

I sigh, stepping back and pinching the bridge of my nose. "Thanks. I guess I'm just on edge."

"Which I completely get!" He pats me on the shoulder supportively. "So...good luck!"

"Wow, thanks."

We stand in awkward silence, and for the second time in my life I actually don't want him to leave, since if he goes I'll have to continue on to my house and the boys in it. Koi smiles sadly and waves his wand, making my heart sink in acceptance. I'm still trying to run from this.

"Do your best, Haru." He points it at the ground and disappears into a puff of smoke.
I turn back to the sidewalk, taking a deep breath. This time I'm not running away. Something about talking to Koi has calmed me down enough that I can take a step forward.

I continue on to the house and, with a trembling hand, open the door. Immediately I hear arguing inside, confusing me. It sounds like Tsukasa and Junta, but they've never fought before. I pull off my shoes and close the door behind me, running into the living room. The sound stops the moment I open the door and I see the two boys, both looking guilty.

Junta avoids my eyes while Tsukasa gets to his feet. "Welcome home, Haru."

"Y-Yeah..." I frown at both of them. "What happened? I've never seen you fight."

Junta winces and Tsukasa sighs, starting for the door. "I'll leave you two to it."

"Wait!" Junta cries, making him turn. "Don't leave! I can't..."

"What, do you want me to tell him?" Tsukasa snaps. So they're fighting about telling me something? But what could be so important...other than confessing to me? And if Junta's the one telling me, is he about to confess!?

Wait, this is happening way too fast. I open my mouth to stop him, but the words dry in my throat. What's more painful: being rejected after you confess or before you even say anything? I want to do whatever hurts him the least, but I don't know what that is.

"Haru...I—" Junta starts and I wince, deciding not to say anything. But he doesn't finish his sentence, looking as terrified as I am. We stand in silence until Kazuki sighs loudly, sounding absolutely done.

"I'll tell him if you won't. I feel like he needs to be part of the decision."

"Decision?" I repeat, my mind whirling. Is he not confessing? Is this something even worse? How could I be so serious selfishly focused on my own fear I didn't notice—

I pinch my hand and Junta watches me, then smiles shakily. "You're still doing that. You listened to us."

"Of course." I take a nervous step into the room.

"Alright." Junta takes a deep breath, looks me dead in the eyes, and blurts, "a high school with a really good baseball team reached out to me. They want me to move and join them."

"What?" I light up, grinning at him. This is so much better than what I was fearing. "Dude, that's huge! This is your whole...What?"

He doesn't look happy at all, glancing at Tsukasa nervously. The ginger nods and walks around me, exiting the room and shutting the door behind him. Junta pats the couch next to him, looking like he's about to break down.

But of course he is. If he accepts this, he'll have to move out, leaving Tsukasa and I behind. He'll have to leave this happy life we have and start a completely new one, with people he doesn't know. He'll have to leave me alone with Tsukasa, when he likes me himself.

I realize it now, I think as I walk over and sit down. I never wanted him gone. I just wanted him to stop liking me. But I know I can't just manipulate his feelings like that. I'm not Kiki; I know it's wrong. I just need a magical fix, like Emi said. But that doesn't exist. All I have is here and now.