Romantic Killer But I Made It Gay

Part 69

"Sorry, you guys go on without me." I get to my feet and open the door.

"You don't have to go after him," Amin huffs. "He was being pretty mean, you know."

"I know. But he's our friend, even if he's mean sometimes. I can't let him leave like this." I step out and close the door behind me, the last thing I see being Junta's worried face.

Ryuya's back is disappearing around the corner as I turn and run after him.

"Ryuya! Don't be like this."

"Don't follow me," he snaps, slapping away the hand I reach out to stop him. "I spoiled the mood, I know it. It'll be better once I'm gone."

I open my mouth to agree, then realize that's probably not the best idea. "I don't think you're right."

"What?"

"I mean, I'm pretty sure if you left, that'd spoil the mood even more. Besides, we'd all regret not going after you."

He groans, sitting on the nearest bench. "Why do you have to be so convincing?"

"You know, that personality of yours might be annoying, but it makes you interesting." I sit down next to him and he sighs.

"I can't tell if that's a compliment or not."

"It is."

"Jee, thanks."

I frown. "I never thought you were boring or lesser, so there's no point in getting jealous over what Junta's like."

"I know, damnit." He covers his face with a hand, blocking me out.

"Nobody's gonna hold it against you," I assure him awkwardly. I feel like what I'm doing is only leading him to confessing, but I know I have to do it anyway. I can't let him leave like this, for all our sakes. "Our friends aren't like that. And for the record, I don't hold it against you either."

I can see his cheeks turn red under his hand and I flinch.

"Damn, why'd you have to turn out like this? You've changed way too much"

"Scuse me?" I blink at him. "I feel like I've changed for the better, right?"

He lets his hand fall into his lap. "Yeah. Yeah, you have. Listen, Haru, I lied after bowling."

Oh crap. I glance around nervously for some sort of escape route. I'm not ready to reject him! This is way too sudden!

"My first crush wasn't my kindergarten teacher," he admits. "It—It was you."

"T-That so?" I mutter, my heart pounding.

"Actually, I—"

"I wonder where the water fountain is!" I interrupt loudly, jumping to my feet. "It's hot in here, right? They should really get some air conditioner."

"Haru..." He stares up at me, then drops his gaze to the ground. "Yeah. It's pretty warm."

Has the danger passed? I laugh nervously, starting back toward the group, but Ryuya grabs my hand and pulls me back.

It feels like every noise turns to full volume and every feeling gets a hundred times stronger for a single second.

"Haru, I like you!"

The tension snaps.

"Get off me!" I yell, twisting my hand out of his grip and stumbling back, my heart pounding so loudly in my ears I barely can hear my own footsteps. I can't handle this. Not now.
Ryuya stares at me with a look of betrayal so strong it almost makes me feel bad for him. Almost.

"What's wrong with you, man?" I snap, rubbing my hands together anxiously. "You saw how our interactions were today; you want that in a relationship? Firstly, I'm not interested in dating, secondly, I'm not interested in dating you, and thirdly you can't just grab people like that!"

"B-But—"

"I've been begging for you not to do this to me," I admit honestly, "but you really did it in the worst way imaginable. I didn't want to turn you down, I really didn't. I don't want to hurt you. But this is my answer, and it always will be: No." With one more look at him I decide to add, "I'm sorry."

"Nah." He shakes his head sadly, sinking down onto the same bench. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should've realized. I just...I've dated girls before. I thought I could get over you if I acted like normal, but...I don't know."

"But you cheated on them," I finish for him, not sitting down. "Why?" I feel like I already know the answer, but I can't help but hope he responds with something else.

"I was confessed to, and I thought I could forget you if I dated her. Since we went to different middle schools I thought I'd never see you again. But it didn't work out, we fought, and I ended up cheating on her."

"Don't say it like it just happened to you," I snap angrily, making him flinch. "That's something you chose to do, and you should pay the consequences for it."

"Thanks for the honesty, I guess," he sighs, dropping his head between his knees. "God, why do I like someone like you?"

"Yeah," I agree without thinking. "I mean, there's not a lot to like. One day with people from my past and it's like I've reverted to the weakling I used to be. It's pathetic—ah..." I cover my mouth awkwardly. I didn't mean to say that to either of us. I guess it's good I got it out, at least, but I'm disappointed in myself. So much for not bad-mouthing myself anymore.

"I don't think you're pathetic."

"Huh?" I blink back to reality to see Ryuya smiling up at me. He gets to his feet, extending a hand to me.

"Are we cool?"

I nod without shaking it. I don't think I can handle any more physical contact today.

"I'm still not giving up on you," he informs me confidently. "I think if we tried, we could really be something special."

I pinch the bridge of my nose with a sigh. "I already told you, I'm not interested. Please, just give up already."

"Can you at least tell me why?" he begs, with a look so pitiful I have to comply.

"One reason is I don't want to be with someone who might cheat on me." I suddenly feel embarrassed. I've never talked about what I want in a relationship. "Someone who's kind both with me and when we're apart."

He thinks for a moment, then counters: "Someone like Tonta?"

"Ah—" Wait, he's right. Junta would be perfect for me...if not for my current predicament. "I...I don't think Junta likes me," I try to blow him off. "I don't want to force anything on him."

"You seriously haven't noticed!?" he yelps, staring at me like I'm the biggest idiot he's ever seen, which, to be fair, I am acting like.

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about," I laugh, inwardly cursing up a storm. At least Junta isn't here to see this.