To Love Again

BELLA

Why do I put myself through this roller coaster of emotions? The title of the chapter says it all but, the emotions attached to the chapter is for each and everyone of us to experience. I was crying writing this. That was the effect it had on me. It might not be the same for you but I hope it touches your heart a little, at least.

Once again, strong and suggestive language used. Thank you for continually reading and patiently waiting for updates.

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After breakfast, Richard and Maine headed to St. Luke's Medical Center to pick up Bella. As soon as they entered the pediatric ward, whether she admits it or not, Maine became a nervous wreck. Different questions kept bombarding her head. Am I about to meet my niece? My sister's daughter? Would she look like you, Ate? Is she even yours? Gaaahh!

Meanwhile, the ward personnel greeted Richard as if he was part of the staff. He greeted them back just the same. It was quite noticeable though how the women all but swooned on their feet when Richard smiled at them. Maine could hear the successive sighs and could see the longing on their faces. And Richard was oblivious to all of these. He was solely focused on his destination; to reach his daughter's bedside. Maine just followed sedately behind watching in amazement as the women he passed by looked like they're having orgasms on the spot. She was so tempted to grab a mop and start wiping the floor on where they stood.

As much as Richard appeared to be in a rush, Maine on the other hand, wanted to prolong the time. She was scared on what awaited her in that room. By the time she joined him inside the small private room, Richard was already cuddling his daughter in his arms, with a nurse standing close by.

"Miss Mendoza, I would like you to meet Isabella Rose Faulkerson, my daughter" he introduced with pride and a very subtle hint of sadness.

Maine went closer to the child in his arms. She looked really close to find a clue that will tell her if this child is her niece. To find even just a remote resemblance to her older sister. What she was looking for, she doesn't know. She might have hoped for some sort of recognition, an instinctual blood pull perhaps. But nothing. In fact, Bella didn't resemble Richard either. Well maybe except for the eyes. That's it. The shape of their eyes look similar but far from exactly the same. As she stared at the face of the child in front of her, she noticed one thing. Despite the innocence and purity, her little face was etched with pain. Maine couldn't help it but the nurse in her took over.

Like any baby diagnosed with Gaucher Disease Type 2, Bella's overall growth have been stunted. Her overall physical appearance looked more like that of a six month old infant rather than her 18 months of age. One of her eyes seem unfocused making her look cross eyed. Her neck hyperextended due to the poor development of bones. Her abdominal circumference twice the size of her body due to the enlarged spleen and liver. A feeding tube was visible through her nose with the end taped to the side of her chubby cheeks. A tracheostomy can be seen on her neck to enable breathing. So much surgical procedures for her tiny little body. Whether this child is my niece or not, she deserves my help and perhaps love?

"Hello princess Bella. My name is Maine. I will be taking care of you. We will be great friends right? You and I" she whispered while stroking Bella's head.

Maine looked up to Richard with a silent request as she reached for the child in his arms. For a split second, Maine saw the hesitation in his eyes but he quickly blinked it away. He extended his arms out for Maine to take Bella.

Richard reluctantly handed his daughter to this virtual stranger (one that makes him hot and bothered and gives him a hard on in a split of a second, but a stranger nonetheless) to whom he had already entrusted his little girl to. He watched as Maine protectively engulfed Bella in her arms. She was whispering to his daughter the whole time as she swayed from side to side in a soothing rocking motion.

And Bella? She was just staring back. Not a hint of fear in her eyes. In fact, much to her father's amazement, she placed her tiny hand flat on the left side of Maine's chest, right on top of her heart. It surprised Richard that Bella was behaving as such. She's not usually this receptive to strangers. Even the staff knew this about his daughter; that's why they try to assign the same group of nurses to her as much as they can. Could this be true? Did God finally hear my prayer? That Bella be given a saviour even for just a short while?

Richard had long ago accepted the fact that his daughter will not live past the age of three, maybe even younger. He struggled with that notion for sure, but, he had to accept that he has no control over such things. So he resolved to make her short life on earth as comfortable as possible. That he can definitely control.

Richard watched as Maine and Bella became comfortable with each other. He actually felt a twinge of jealousy because his daughter seemed to be at home in Maine's arms, even if they just met each other. After maybe 10 minutes, Maine moved to the wooden rocker and sat with now a sleeping Bella in her arms. The nurse that was in the room earlier had now stepped out but not after making sure that Maine could handle things. Richard moved around the room, packing Bella's belongings in preparation for the trip home. He kept throwing surreptitious glances towards Maine to which didn't escape Maine's notice. After he was sure he had everything packed, he moved to sit on the tiny bed and looked around the small room that Bella called home for the last 8 months. Maine's voice broke through his thoughts.

"Mr. Faulkerson, when was Bella diagnosed" she asked softly.

Richard took a deep breath before answering.

"She was 6 months old. She was normal up until then. The first indication we noticed was her overly extended stomach. At first, we all thought she was just really full. But after a few days, it didn't go down. What really made us rush her to the emergency department was her high pitched cry. She was inconsolable even after we did everything we can to make her stop. I can still remember that cry. It wasn't only high pitched, but it was the cry of pain. Coming from her small body, you know. I never felt so helpless then. It took 3 days of poking and prodding her tiny frame before the diagnosis was official. When the specialist gave us the prognosis, I was in utter denial. I personally called a close friend of mine who is a pediatrician in New York. He specializes in pediatric neurological disorders. I hired a private jet to bring him here in the hopes that he will tell me a different diagnosis. But when he got here, he took one look at Bella and he concluded the same. Of course, he also did tests but the diagnosis didn't change." Richard explained while looking at Maine's hand that was creating soothing circles on his daughter's back.

"I'm so sorry" Maine whispered brokenly. Not for the father but for the child in her arms that had to go through so much in such a short time.

"I've long accepted the truth" Richard began misunderstanding Maine. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I still carry this hope inside of me that perhaps miracles can happen and that Bella would live a long and healthy life, but, I'm faced with her deteriorating condition every single day. So, I vowed to make her remaining days happy and comfortable instead. I've spent 3 months wallowing in self pity after she was diagnosed, and I will forever regret that. She was left alone in the care of strangers, inside the sterile hospital environment; while we dealt with our problems. She must've felt so alone and scared" his voice cracking in the end while tears spilled from his eyes to which he hastily wiped away.

"You said 'we'. Who's we" Maine asked after a few minutes. This is what happens when her emotions are out of control. She forgets to filter her thoughts.

"My family. My father and my sister. Up till now, my father is still in denial. I can't really blame him though. After dealing with my mother's passing, followed by my brother, he must've blocked his emotions altogether. So instead of dealing with it, he decided to leave the country to god knows where. Last time I heard from him was 6 months ago, when he was in London, closing a business deal. My sister has come around though. She's just out of the country as well for a work conference but she will be back next week" the last sentence he said with a hint of a smile that showed the dimple on his left cheek.

"I'm sorry" Maine whispered again. Richard nodded in acknowledgement. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Maine asked the question lingering in her head.

"Where is Bella's mother now?"

"Last time I heard, she passed away last month" Richard stated nonchalantly.