Changing | SM

Part 13: my side

Adriana:

Shawn has this way of looking into your eyes and seeing your soul.
The side you hide.

It made me afraid that he could see my fear, my sadness and my broken side. But at least he doesn't know anything, and I'm not telling him either. I still despise him, I don't like him but still I help him.
He deserves it.

I know what it feels like to be where he is, to not get through and to live in horrific pain, but that's a story for another day. Maybe along the way I can change him.
If he lets me.
He left school after walking away, and I went back inside to math, continuing with school for the rest of the day.

"Miss Kendrick. Where were you?" She asked as I walked in. "I'm sorry ma'am. I had an emergency." It's all I said. If I tell her about me being outside, just sitting with Shawn she'll think I cut class. Which I did, but she doesn't need to know that.
She'll probably ask about Shawn too, if she cared enough to ask. Well... she cared enough to get him help, or that can just be because she doesn't want the principal confronting her abot failing students from her class.

"Oh okay. Just don't let it happen again." A crises can never be accompanied with a certain time. That's why they call it a crises, and emergency. It happens suddenly, unexpectedly. Emergency.
People are rats who don't understand, they only care about their own wellbeing and life safety. I on the other hand have this bad habit of putting everything important to me, everything important to improve myself and keep me happy, aside, just to help others around me.

That soft heart problem.

But most of it is because of the fear of losing someone... again. A crises, an emergency... it can all lead up to something you don't want. Something that get taken away from you in the blink of an eye. It has an effect, a deep impact on your life, what you do and how you do things.

But on some occasions, it can all be on purpose. When someone goes out of their way to ruin a life that was perfect for you, to take away something that meant so much to you. I know that.
I live with that every day.
But it gets better, hour by hour. But obviously on some days it hits you again and you feel like crap.
Missing and feeling the loss of someone.

-

After school I waited outside for Liam and Mariana before going home. We have the pact that neither one of us will leave the school grounds without saying goodbye. And that's a pact I won't break. "So will you now be giving class?" Liam asked after we all met up. I nodded, not speaking about it because he'll only turn it into another lecture about how I should be safe around him and everything.

I just want to change the subject. "Are you guys going to Cody's party next Friday? Please don't." I chuckled, but just by the way the glanced at each other before looking back at me, Liam nervously scratching the back of his neck and Mariana's smile only growing bigger... It gave me the answer I needed.

"Fine! But if one of you leave me I swear I'll hunt you down and kill you." I gave them each a hug before walking back home.
Keegan already left without me, so I need to walk.
What a bro.