Changing | SM

Part 18: proud

Shawn:

It was wrong of me to do that. But I had no other choice.
They're the only people I can compare to and keep the front I have high up without people seeing the real me. I need to keep the cover, but saying that about Adriana was rude.

The way she looked at me, the disappointment and discouraging to keep smiling ate away every inch of me.
I can't take it when people look at me, all disappointed, it brings back too many memories of my family and friends looking at me the same way.
One set of eyes doing that, feels like the burning of ten thousand.

The question I fear the most about what she'll ask me one day is, 'What happened to you?'. Because how will I explain that?

-

After Math and writing the test, I said goodbye to the boys, lying about me having another class but I just waited outside for Adriana. The halls were already empty and the bell was about to ring when I looked back inside to see her standing by the teachers table, looking through a test.
I saw a big smile on her face.
She must've done good.

"Thank you so much Miss Grundy. Have a nice day." As she walked to the door her eyes locked on mine and her smile only grew wider.
Am I even capable of doing that for someone? What's going on?

"Words can't describe how proud I am of you!" She squealed as she stood in front of me. My eyebrows furrowed together as I looked at her. "Wha- I don't understand what you mean?" How can she be proud of me after the way I treated her?
"Your test. You got a B!" She jumped up and down and my heart leaped in my chest.
It might of just stopped beating in the process before it started pounding heavily.

"What!" I laughed, running my hands through my hair. "This cant be!" She only nodded, continuing to squeal out of happiness. It makes me feel happy inside that she's excited for me, that she cares that much to even tell me that I did a great job.
But hearing the words she said, that she's proud of me, that made me feel like I won at life.

"All thanks to you. Thank you so much Adriana." Even I was shocked at my words. I never say thank you. "That's a first. Usually you just say 'cheers. See ya tomorrow'." I smiled sheepishly, knowing it's a bad habit of mine not to thank those who help me.
But I don't get a lot of help.

"But thank you. Really." "No problem Mendes. Keep it up okay." She patted my shoulder, still smiling in a proud way towards me.
It's the first shoulder pat that I feel good to get. All the other was for doing bad things or breaking some people down.
This was a honor.

"Shawn! Seriously dude you can't be seen with these kind of people." Richard said as I looked at him approaching us. "Hey babe. You wanna come with me?" He traced his finger down the line of her jaw.
Never did I felt so jealous of him touching someone than the way I'm feeling the rage now.
"Can you please not touch me." She smacked his hand away but he grabed a hold of her, pushing her to the wall. "Don't fight the urge." "The only word clear to me in that sentence was 'fight'." She kicked him right on the shin before kicking him right in the ball sack.

I should've done something instead of just standing there, watching him abuse her.

"Goodbye Shawn." She said, deeply dissatisfied and disappointed again.
Every second passing, all I ever do it just fuck up.
All I do is disappoint.
Fuck this.

💞 Adriana:

Let's say I'm use to fighting my own battles, but this time I thought he'll stood up to the guy.
That he'll protect me.
But none of that happened and some dreams still don't come true, some wishes will still just remain wishes.
I was stupid to think that he'd actually do something, that the past few weeks we've been working through some things the slightest bit of change would be seen... but no.