Changing | SM

Part 39: disaster

Shawn:

I was nervous about staying over and needing to have to undergo a couple of conversations over not only me and Adriana, but about myself and just mysef.
What if they ask out about my family? Personal things about me and my parents?
I'll just lie about me going to them after this all, that I'm not staying on my own.

I love them, my family, but after my dad had to bail me out and my reputation took a total deep dip, I was afraid of being and feeling more like the outcast in their presence than a family member.
I'm sad about leaving my sister, but I'd rather be alone than lonely.

"So... Shawn..." her mum started after we ate on our food in silence for a while. I smiled up at her, but she only returned a faint smile.
She's not impressed that her daughter is mingling with a boy like me.
Let alone she asked me to stay, she doesn't look very pleased with me being under her roof.

"What are you planning on doing after graduation?" She asked, her eyes filled with hope that I'll impress her. But what a way to get your hopes up.
"Uhm.. actually I don't have any plans yet Mrs. Kendrick. I'm thinking of taking some time off to figure out what I really want to to. Find a passion in something I really want to do." Her smile faded immediately and I looked over to Adriana, seeing her just trying to get me to calm down.
Her mother doesn't like a guy without plans. But I have no clue where I'm going, let alone who I am.

"Oh, okay. Well Adriana got in to the best school in North Carolina. She's-" "Mum!" She cut her off and her mother looked over to her with big eyes.
I felt sadness inside of me, we never talked about this. I didn't knew she'll be going away.
Leaving me.
Leaving home.

I only played around with the food on my plate, not really eating. And it looks like Adriana is doing exactly the same.
"So Shawn tell us what's up between you two." "Keegan! Are you fuckig serious right now?" "Excuse my young lady, watch your language!" I just watched the fight evolving.
Nothing is perfect behind closed doors, that I saw a few times.
Even experiencing it now and in my own home. "I uhm... thank you for the food but I think I should head back home."

"Nah, common Shawn. Tell me what you see in her. I want to know." I felt anger building up inside of me.
Balling my fists on my side as I stood up. "Shawn." She whispered as she placed her hand over mine, but I shook it away.
I may have changed but the side of me will always live on.
And fuck this.

"You're a real dick you know that! I don't know how you're disrespecting your sister this much, you hate her don't you? You know she told me, about how you left her when she needed you. Her boyfriend died Keegan! And all you do if give her even more grief and heartache than what she already has-"
"Shawn please stop." I was furious by now, and could literally punch him.

"No Adriana. He can't treat you like this. You know what I see in her? Do you know why I like her? Well here it goes. If someone smiles often, thinks positively and can enjoy the small things in life, I am naturally enticed with who they are because I'm not that type of person. I admire someone who can put their cynical and pessimistic thoughts aside and bear through with a sense of humor. To me, that is everything. They show me the meaning of life and that there's something worth fighting for. I think I'd fall in love with a compassionate person who can laugh through their own tears." I said, my voice being raised the entire time.

I looked back at Adriana, almost seeing tears in her eyes over what I just said.
"And I did." I looked directly in to her eyes.

There was a deep moment of silence before I turned back to Keegan. "So that's what I see in your sister. I see the strong person she is and I love what she's doing to me. She's more than you think so stop your shit and start appreciating her." Suddenly her mother stood up and she was not looking pleased.

"Get out of my house. You can not come in here and yell at my family, making this place as if it was your own. Leave! Now!" She yelled, and without thinking twice I dropped the napkin and smiled big.
"Thank you for the food. I'd be happy to leave." I walked out. I was on the front lawn walking to my car when I heard the door opening again and saw Adriana running out.
"Shawn!"
"Stay Adriana. Don't get closer to me I don't want to hurt you." She stepped down the steps and walked up to me, her hand in her back pockets.

"You're mad."
"No, I'm fucking mad." She cupped my cheek, her fingers brushing through the hair at the nape of my neck and she kept her eyes locked on mine for a long time.
I was calming down.

"Thank you." She whispered. "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Adriana." I pecked her cheek. "Goodnight Shawn." She smiled before I drove off, back to my cabin.
I knew this wouldn't go all well and how we thought it'll go, but I didn't want to hurt her.

She's the first to actually calm me whilst approaching me when I'm mad.
Usually that ends out in another fist fight, but she's the owner of me.
I can't hurt her, and I don't want to either.