Changing | SM

Part 70: the good in the situation

Shawn:

I knew she would bale on me about tonight, but I understand it.
She needs to be ready to come back and take it all in, she needs to feel ready to trust me again so we can make his work.
If it's meant to be, it will come together, the pieces will fall back in place. In time though.

It took so long for us to get where we are, then we lost it. So I'm not surprised if it'll take another few months for us to get back together.

"I messed up so badly. I should've just told her." I sighed, running my hands through my hair as I fell down on the bed, looking to my side and wishing she was there but instead, Brian plonked down next to me.

"Maybe, yes. But try to see the good in the situation."
"The good? How the fuck is there any good in this situation? I lost her Brian! Can't you see that?" I yelled, pushing myself up on my one arm. He kept on smiling, seeing the good in the situation.

Ugh.

"You don't get it. Do you?"
"No. Clearly I don't!" I said angrily.

"Look at it this way," he sat up, "If you guys are meant to be this all happened for a reason and if it was strong enough things will work out. You said she told you that she'll always come running back to you..." I nodded.
"So then she will. Just give her some time dude. She was already so fragile at the beginning, so this is all a shocking and heartbreaking. She'll come through." He's right.

She said that and she was fragile.
I just need to be patient but I feel like every day passing is even harder than the previous one. But I guess you have to learn the art of losing, choosing and refusing if you want to win what we call, the game of life.

"But I need to head back home. Are you going to be okay?" I nodded, "I'll go to my parents. I don't want to feel alone."
"I'm sorry dude. But don't lose trust okay, things will get better." I gave him a hug before the two of us split up, both heading in different directions.

I can't stay home where all I see is her.
Smell her perfume still stuck on the pillow, working on the house that is our project, seeing her still standing in the kitchen, hearing her laugh ringing in my ears.

I miss her touch when the moon and sun shines through the window.
I sometimes just stand at the door, staring at the bed. Seeing her there, lying down, fast asleep and looking so beautiful. But then there's nights where I just can't sleep.

When I close my eyes I see her and it's a haunting feeling, like a knife plunged right through my heart.

I pulled up in front of her house at first. Just looking up at her window. If I can just walk in, go to her and kiss her.
That's what I'm craving now, to hold her and kiss her. Feel like she's mine again.
"I love you Adriana. And if time is what you need then that's what I'll give you." I said, even though it's just me hearing it, I mean it.

I drove off to my parents house, running up to the door as the rain started coming down again.
I'd like to think that the heavens are sad.
It hasn't stopped raining ever since Adriana and I broke apart. Not that it rained every day for the past four months.
But we haven't seen a clear blue sky and the sun shining for the past months.

"Shawn?"
"Hey dad."

For some reason when I saw my dad, I broke down in tears. All over again. "What happened my boy?" He pulled me in to a deep hug, placing his hand down at the back of my head as I sobbed in to his chest.
My knees gave in as this was the high peak of my emotions, and I fell down.
So did he.

"It's okay." As I was on my knees, falling in to a ball... he never left me. He stayed by me till I calmed down. "I lost her dad. I-I should've told her that night, you said I should. But I didn't." I sobbed. "I was told to just give it some time, but time is too painful." He took my face in his hands.

For the first time, he's here for me. Not leaving me. "Look at me. Things will be okay. I saw the way you two were together and I've never seen anything like it. Not even when you were with Rachel." I just rested my head on his shoulder, sniffing again.
He helped me up and we walked over to the living room.

Immediately as I sat down Aaliyah came and sat next to me, taking my hand in hers and resting her head on my shoulder.

"You're okay."

I kissed the top of her head to thank her. For once, being with my family doesn't feel like a drag.
And it's all thanks to Adriana.