Changing | SM

Part 27: telling

Shawn:

It was useless.

The time we had she taught me a lot, but I didn't learn anything. I forget how to do something the moment she shows me how. All I can focus on his her absent smile, her dull eyes, her cheeks losing colour with every second passing.
She's here, but not present.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Her words snapped me right out of my gaze on her, kicking me back to reality and I realized that I was staring at her for a full minute. Every second passing.
"Because I want to be where you are." I whispered. She closed her eyes as she drifted off again, back in to the universe she's been living in the entire time.

"What should I do to just make it all go away?" She whispered, falling with her head in her hands and her back slowly started shaking as the tears rolled through her fingers.
I don't know what to do.
This is not a normal situation for me. Out of pure nature I placed my hand down on her back.

She shifted under my touch, but she was quiet for a moment before looking up at me.
Her eyes were bloodshot red as she brushed her hair out of her face. Why did she look so beautiful?

She's so broken but she makes it look like a masterpiece.

How can I do this to her?

"A-Are you okay?" My stuttering showed my insecurity, but she flushed it away by taking my hand in hers. My eyes grew big as I looked at her, feelings awakening in my heart that I never felt before.
She does something to me.
And I hate it.

"I'm sorry." As fast as she pulled her hand out of mine, I grabbed it again, holding it tightly. My gaze traveling down from her eyes to our hands as hers do the same.
She shifted, intertwining our fingers and giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"What's on your mind?" "You." I looked up at her.
Now her eyes are filled with shock and surprise. "You're on my mind Adriana. Something about holding your hand makes me escape reality." A small smile creeped on to her lips. "You know the hides, the places we go to escape?" She nodded.

I reached my other hand out and wiped away a tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I just did that." She even makes me do things I never usually do. "But, you're that place. Something about being here and holding your hand, talking with you and wasting time in the moment, where you are, it feels like nothing can go wrong." I pulled my hand out of hers.

"I think I need to leave. This is way too much for one day." I packed everything away, faster than I usually do. Leaving. "Shawn wait!" She yelled as I walked out in the rain. "What?" I yelled, flipping the cap over my head from the clothes she lent me.
She just looked at me.
The wind harshly blowing her hair in all directions.

God, she's so beautiful.

"Come back tomorrow?" I shook my head. "You won't see me. But I'll see you. Goodbye Adriana." I ran away, back home. Or should I say, away from home. Back to another place I'm forced to call home. She's on my mind. Engraved in my thoughts and her fingerprints on my heart.

I need to let her go, before I lose all self control and break her in the process. Curse the life of having a heart, fearing me with feelings and crushing me with thoughts.
I need to get her out of my head, think of her as just 'another one'.

But she's not.
And she'll never be.