Changing | SM

Part 19: tears

Adriana:

After school I went back home, Keegan once again drove off without me so I need to walk.
I really doubt he loves me.

"Hey! Adriana do you need a ride?" I ignored. "Adriana?" He sounded sad. "I'd really like some time alone, thanks Shawn." I scoffed at him.
He should actually know that speaking to me now will only make me more mad.
He did nothing to help me, he just stared at me.

"Common Adriana. There's a storm coming and you're still blocks and blocks away." He pulled up on the side of the road, stopping where I stopped in my tracks. "You're taking me straight home. I don't have time for another quest or puzzle hunt today." I got in his car and he drove off, not saying anything.
Not a single word, not even a sound.
He kept silent till we got to my house.

"Thank you. I appreciate it." I got out, closing the door and walking up to my house. I watched him as he drove off. He had a sad look on his face, he knew what he did but he doesn't want to own up to it, it's not part of him to admit things that he did.
"What happened to you Mendes?" I whispered, still watching out the window as he disappeared off in the road.

"What the hell are you doing?" I rolled my eyes, not even in the mood to talk to him.
He left me at school... again.
And even though I'm use to it, it's very unnecessary and just a sick joke. "Get out of my way please." I asked politely as he kept on dodging to the sides where I want to pass him.

He was finding the up building irritation within me very amusing, but I feel like bursting to tears right now.
"Keegan can you please just get out of my way!" I broke down, yelling at him as tears started streaming down my cheeks. His smile immediately faded and he stepped aside.

"Adriana what's wrong?" "Don't act like you care." I ran past him up to my room, closing the door and locking it so that nobody can get in, and I can't get out.
It's better that way, when I lock myself off from the rest of the world. I prefer it that way, and I bet other people who don't want to see me are preferring it that way as well.
"Adriana! Open the door!" His voice sounded like an echo in panic.

He knows what this means, for its not the first time I locked myself away. I didn't answer him though, just let him keep on banging against the door and yelling out my name.
I stared up at my ceiling, the cold tears wetting my skin as it rolled down the side of my face.

Did you ever look at them, fully examined them?
How one single, small drop, can contain so much of you. Pain, love, emotions, heartbreak, breakdowns. It's a part of who you are, and with every falling drop, you let go of a piece.
A piece of yourself.

It's interesting how some can see your tears as a total weakness, seeing it as an escape of the fragile person you are.

But what if I'm not.

What if it's tears streaming out over everything I built up? Over everything I miss? Everything that happened? People judge too quickly, and everyone is guilty of doing that.
Me, included.
Liam judging Shawn, but not even knowing him or doing the effort to get to know him. I did that too, but after being forced to help the guy, I gave him a shot.

Everyone deserves a chance.

Even if it's just one, to prove themselves of who they really are. And that's what he's doing, but he's failing in standing tall. To just fully live and be himself.

Tears.

My escape?
I don't know, it's just a way of getting rid of excess emotions and feelings.

Why now, all of a sudden that I met Shawn, everything reminds me back to how things were? That's why I'm so emotionally unstable. I miss the 'me' I was. If only I can go back, be there and make right.
So many things would've been different now, but if that didn't all happen... I wouldn't have this strong side to me, I would've probably never met Shawn...
Who would've listened to me then?