Changing | SM

Part 28: leaving

Adriana:

💞few days later💞

He was right.
He was honest.
I didn't see him.

He made me wonder where he went off to, did I scare him off or was that one day just too much?
The halls were empty and people passing by looked like holograms and the voice of them trying to speak only left me in thought of what they actually said.

"Adriana. Hey, Adriana." It was a mumble, and I saw Liam snapping his fingers in front of my eyes. "What." I mumbled, not blinking, not responding with physical movements. "Where are you?" I looked around, slowly seeing everyone passing by, sitting down and eating their food.

It's poison to the soul, where I need to be out and sarcastic... I feel like I lost that part of me ever since I met Shawn.
And he took it with him when he left.

Who knew this would be me after he entered my life... fuck.

"That guy changed you and I don't like it." I looked at him, still not responding. The door caught my attention and within that second I saw the glimpse of the so famous black leather jacket, the cigarette hanging from his lips and his dark shades.
In the middle of Liam's pointless exaggeration over how he changed me, a rage took over and I jumped up, running towards the door.

"Shawn!" I yelled, seeing him walking up the path. "Hey!" He stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at me. "Where the fuck where you?" I pushed him by the shoulders.
He took his glasses off, taking the cigarette from his lips and held it in his hand.
"I was alone. I had nobody to talk to, nobody to share something with. Where were you?" I asked him again, for some reason tears were burned in my eyes and I pushed him again.

"Stop doing that." He grabbed a hold of my hands. I'm afraid. Still. "You were alone cause I wasn't there. You need to feel that because I can't be near you." He said through gritted teeth, pushing me away. "Stay away from me Adriana. All I'll do is hurt you, and by the sight of it I'm already doing that. I need to be away from you... it's the only way to protect you." He stepped back.

"What! You can't do that Shawn! You can't come in to my life, let me share a part of me with you and then just leave." But that didn't stop him. "Adriana? What's going on?" I swung around to see Mariana and Liam walking out to me.
"He's leaving, he ju-" but as I turned, there was nobody. He was gone. "Nothing." I said softly, looking at the empty path in front of me.

"Are we going or what?" I walked past them and back in to the door. "Where to?" Mariana called. "Class." They nodded, hesitantly but surely.
I nodded, grabbing my bag and throwing it over my shoulder.

My thoughts, feelings and emotions couldn't be described right now. It's as if a part of me left at the same time he did.
Was it real to get attached to someone that quickly? But he made me feel things I haven't felt in a while.

As I sat in class I stared over to his empty chair, wishing he was there so I can see him glancing back at me.
I missed his irritating smirk and how he checks me out, hearing his name being called down the halls with a laugh filling my ears.

Feeling the gaze of his friends and seeing him looking at me over the frame of his glasses. I missed him.
He's messing around and fucking me up and I wish I can just let it all go.

But there's so much more to keep a hold of than just the bad. Thoughts, feelings and stories that I never spoke of were told when I was with him.
He opened a book that was meant to stay closed, and now I'm the mess I was all over again.
No turning back, no fighting back. Burning in the thoughts of the one I lost, burning in the guilt of only finding him and not being there, burning with the feeling that he's gone.

I'm alone.
Like I was.
And now... still am.