Changing | SM

Part 30: party

Adriana:

I've found that life is simply just too short to be anything other than positive.
If something isn't going the way you want it to, you have to switch gears and make a change. But how can you do that if you don't have the power, courage or motivation?

I'm stupid.

For feeling the way I feel and for thinking the things I think. Having the thoughts I have about him makes my heart ache even more by the second. I know it's quickly but I found a piece of myself in him, one I lost.
But how can it be love when he finds it hard to protect my happiness, peace and heart?

I think as you grow older you look for very different things in people. Honestly. Loyalty. Integrity.
But most of all you start looking for someone who will stand by your side when the walls start crumbling and the fires rage within.
They are right there, and in that moment you know they've got you.

I had that. I lost that.

I'm going to that party, because I feel like facing my fear. That is Cody.

Hopefully I won't see him, but I know he'll be here when I'm with Shawn. Mariana said she'll pick me up in a while, so I have some time to get ready.

Not trying to impress someone, I just let my hair down and got my comfy clothes on. Jeans and a shirt. You can never go wrong with that look.

"Adriana! Your friend is here!" Keegan yelled and I grabbed my black leather jacket before walking out. The picture caught my eye, the one I took from the station.
"Why after all this time, do I need you the most now?" I whispered, running my finger tips over the part where he is.

I miss him. I wish he was here.
After all the time I got to the point to let him go, but now I remember his again. I remember it all. And that's what's breaking me down when I'm alone. And being with someone, being with Shawn, makes it better to be broken.
He draws my attention away from what I think, and he makes me live in the present or just listen to what he has to say.
His story. I'm not giving up in him.

"Hey. You look uhm... classy?" She shrugged her shoulder, sending a small smile to my lips as I pulled her in to a hug. She always makes me feel better.
No matter what.

"Let's go." We started walking to the car, her mum dropping us off because Keegan was too lazy. Or well, everything I ask him, the answer is always no. "Adriana... Are you okay?" She asked as we drove to Cody's house.
I let out a deep and shaky breath, but nodded.
"I'm okay. I've just been thinking about Mason a lot lately and... well yeah. I miss him." My voice cracked as she indulged me into a side hig.

"I'm okay Mariana. Thanks." I gave her a hug before her mum pulled up in the driveway of the house.

"Let's go." We got out and walked up inside. The thick cloud of smoke hanging in the air gave the inside of the house a dimmed feeling. I didn't have a good feeling about this, and I don't know what to expect, but let's just do it. "Stay by my side okay I don't want to lose y-" But as I turned to her she was gone.
Already.

"Great." I sighed before pushing through the people to get to the kitchen. Stumbling over people's feet and even my own, I eventually made it to the kitchen where I searched around for a drink.
Trying to find some that's closed, because who knows what they could've thrown in the cups to spike people.

"Here." A guy handed me a bottle. Looking at him weirdly I took the bottle from his hands.

"Don't take anything from strangers." I heard, turning around to find Shawn leaning against the counter behind me. "Not like you really care though right?" I cuckled, walking off. "You know I'm glad you came!" "Why? So you wouldn't feel all alone?" He went silent over the hard rocking music in the room. "Actually, yes!" He yelled.

His eyes were surreal, not like I ever saw them before. "Do you uh... do you want to dance?" He yelled, holding out his hand as he asked. I shrugged my shoulders, taking the offer.
With our drinks in our hands we started dancing.
Not saying a word for our body's were talking, also not spilling a drop.

Wanting to give him what he really wants, what he always has and basically every girl in school will give him, I turned around, grinding my body on his. "Don't do that." He pushed me back away from him.
He looked at me with disappointment in his eyes before walking away. "I-I'm sorry!" I said, suddenly panicking as my eyes burned from tears.

I rushed out, just needing to be outside. What's going on with me? Why am I changing so much with a broken heart?

God, I just wish Mason was here.
Everything would've been perfect and none of this crap would've ever happened.

But what if Shawn's the one? No. He can't be. Two broken pieces doesn't make one.
The break even more.