Changing | SM

Part 52: college

Adriana:

Shawn and I were downstairs watching some movies on the couche. My dad was around, but he left and came like wind. Only showing himself at some times. Not entirely.

I may be quite now, but I have so much on my mind.
Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, as friends, as family or as something entirely different. The two of you just work, whether you understand one another or you're just in love.
Partners in crime.
You meet these kind of people throughout your life, and they create who you are. They are part of events that sculpt you to be the way you are and they are a part of you.
You meet them out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you feel alive.

I don't know if it makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely make sme believe in something.

Love.
And hope.

There's always something good coming after a hard patch of times.

Today is a good day, but at the same time I have his annoyance inside of me, making me want to explode at any second. But I guess that's just because I'm sick and feeling like complete crap.
You know what I'm talking about.

"We need to talk." He broke the silence, sitting up and crouching down in front of me. "What's wrong?" I sounded like a frog by now, my voice was completely gone. "You're college application. That night I stayed over for dinner and your mum asked me what I'm doing after graduation. She told me about you being accepted in North Carolina!" He explained, looking at me with sadness in his eyes.

"Why are you bringing this up?" I sighed. He jumped up. "Because I don't want to lose you! I don't want you to go, but at the same time you need to because that's your life." I stood up, wrapping the blanket over my shoulder and walking to my room.

I don't want to explode on him, but if he keeps pushing it I have no control over my actions.

"Adriana!" He yelled, making my dad storm in the room. "Drop it Shawn! I'm not going anyway so why does it bother you?" I tried to yell.
"Because I want you to be happy, but if you're not happy with staying here, with me, then I don't know what's the point."
I went silent.

Did he just asked what the point is in our relationship if I'm not happy?
Who said I wasn't happy?

"Fuck you." I wiped my cheeks as I walked up to my room, slamming my door shut. "Adriana! I didn't mean to make you upset. I just want to know what will happen. Will there still be an us?"
"You said there's no point! I'm not hoing to NC because that's not my dream! That's my mother's dream and I want to be where I'm happy." I weakly yelled at him after letting him in.

"And where's that?" I walked over to my bed, grabbing the design and throwing it over to him. "There! With you!" My breathing became heavily as I couldn't breath because of my bad chest. I sat down on the edge of the bed, gasping for air.

"Hey, look at me. Take deep breaths." Shawn crouched down in front of me. "Why are we fighting?" I asked him as he wiped away my tears. "We're afraid of undergoing the same heartache and pain. We're afraid of losing what we gained with each other. I'm deeply afraid of losing you and that you'll run out of love for me." I clamped my hand around his neck as I rested my forehead against his.

I don't want to fight him. I'll fight for him, but not with him, or against him.

"And you're sick so you're not in a good place. Let's just let it go, I thought I wanted to talk to you about it to just have a clear vision of where we're heading with what we have." I kissed his forehead.

"Okay. Let's finish this." He dragged the design closer and I got off the bed, sitting down next to him on the floor. I saw my dad peeking in through the door and I smiled at him, seeing him sending me a thumbs up.

Shawn is my happiness, my new safe haven. I find joy in his, pleasure in his smile. He makes me better, and I love him more than anything. I never knew I'd come to love someone again, but the events proved me wrong.
He was sent to me. And I'm keeping him.

We sat on the floor, talking out how we will make our home, recreate the cabin to his full potential. "This will be perfect." He smiled down at the design, and I smiled at him.
Seeing the happiness shining out of him and the smile on his face only growing wider, if that is ever possible.
"It will." I whispered, making him look up at me. His smiled faded a bit, but his eyes kept on beaming.

"I love you." I mouthed to him, seeing the smile curving up in the corners of his lips before he cupped my cheek, kissing me.
Now I don't care anymore, sick or not, I want to and need to kiss him.
The sound of our lips connecting and disconnecting satisfies me in a way, and the way he bites my lip drives me absolutely crazy.

He drives me crazy.
Fucking crazy.