Changing | SM

Part 35: confronting

Shawn:

💞next day💞

I see her everywhere, but I can't mingle.
I often find myself looking over to her, but she's lost in another world.

Her focus isn't where it always been, in class when the teacher calls on her she never gets the answer right.
She's moving backwards.
She's moving to her past and she's getting caught up in it.

"Guys I need to go. I'll see you around okay. If someone asks just tell them I'm sick." I overheard her telling her friends. What? I saw her eyes almost burning red from tears. I hate it when she cries.

Overall I just hate it when she's not happy, and I feel like I have to do something about it... but how can a cold and also broken heart like mine help someone with the same issues?

I saw her walking out of the doors, a panicky expression on her face when she realizes that she's cutting school. I stood in the hallway, watching her running off.
Just before she walked away she turned around and looked at all the people. Probably checking if someone is spotting her.
But then she spotted me.

It looked like she wanted to say or ask something, but she didn't. I just looked at her, and I saw her falling apart. Just as she ran off I walked too, going to my car after seeing her jumping in to a cab.
He dropped her off at the mall, but then she started running.

I know where she's going. So I went there too.

I parked at the station, seeing her pacing up and down on the bridge before she screamed and collapsed to the ground.
Whatever she's keeping inside her head is breaking her. But she's not afraid to show the wars her soul fought to save itself.
She just didn't tell me the story yet.

"Adriana."
She didn't even look over to me. She just sat there, looking out over the tracks and trains as tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

I sat down next to her, taking her hand in mine. She still didn't say anything, resting her head on my shoulder she intertwined our fingers.
"Shawn." "Adriana?" "You know... everything you're looking for." I caressed the top of her hand with the pad of my thumb. "Yeah. What about it?" I asked, seeing her looking up at me with her broken eyes.
"It's already within you. You're already the person you want to be."

I looked at her face, cheeks, eyes... lips.
"What's up with you Adriana? What's going on?" But she pushed me away. "It's nothing." The words play on repeat whenever it comes to me digging deeper to find her.
"A deeper conversation is all I want from you. I want the words you're afraid to say, the lonely ones you keep hidden in between the folds of your broken heart. Why won't you let me in?" "Because even though we share the same feelings, we both experienced hurt, it's still not the same." She got up, wanting to walk away, but I lost it.

"Stop fucking around Adriana! For gods sake all I do is let you in but the moment I try to reach out to you, you just- push me away! It takes a lot of me to actually trust people and trusting you was by far the best decision I made. Why is it so hard for you to trust me?" I yelled at her, only seeing more tears forming in her eyes with every passing second.

"Why do you help me when I can't help you?" "Because I'm hopelessly drunk on the idea that I can fix other people even though I can't fix myself." I walked closer to her as she bursted out in tears.

"Sometimes you need someone to help you fix what's broken because your two hands can't possibly keep all the pieces together." I cupped her cheek, wiping away her falling tears.
I've grown soft. She made me soft, and I can feel my heart beating in my caged chest.

She gives me life.

It's like there's magnets in my bones that pulles me to the iron in her blood. Pulls me towards her. "Can you please just trust me?" She looked up at me before pulling me in to a hug, crying on in my chest.
I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her entire body shaking.
Fear?

"Well then I hope you have time because this is a long story." She pulled away, walking back over to the bridge and sat down. "Tell me."

She took my hand in hers again, intertwining our fingers before taking a deep breath and started talking.