Changing | SM

Part 68: i miss you

Shawn:

I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when in reality it broke my heart to pieces.

This was my fear all along, and I know I say it a lot, but it truly was... that I'll lose her.
And I did.
We haven't talked in months, the only bit of communication we had were the tears and sadness we saw in each other's eyes.
That was it.

Even Brian doesn't speak to me, and I'm not at Cody's anymore.
Reece is still fancying Adriana and I see him occasionally abusing her in the halls. Ever wondered why he's now walking around with a black eye and not getting near her. Yeah, I had enough of it.

No calls, no talking, no texting.
It was a dead period of time where everything around me faded in to oblivion.

"Mr. Mendes!" The teacher yelled as I too jumped up and ran out of class after her.
But I didn't let him stop me.
Nothing will.

"Adriana! Adriana stop!" I yelled as I saw her walking down the road. The clouds were packing together as the dark skies came down on us. "Adriana please." I begged her.

"I know you don't want to see me, be near me or whatsoever be with me. But please just hear me out." She stopped in her tracks.
"I know, by now these will only be words falling out of my lips so that you can hear, and that it won't change anything and it won't make you love me again. But, yes. You were a bet. At the beginning! The more I got to know you the more I wanted you, and I called Cody that day after you showed me the place by the station, I asked him to call it off. But he refused. When Reece touched you that day in the hall and I didn't do anything, when you were broken, sitting at the top of the building by the station that night of the party he saw it as the end. He saw that as he won the bet, and he was paid. But the game changed when you remembered who you were." I walked closer to her, her back still facing me.

"I have to say, I never thought I'd be able to feel anything for anyone ever again. But you... you saw the good in me when there was nothing left, you made me fight for something when I had nothing. I've fallen in love with you, and the person you made me turn in to. I love you Adriana. Can we please just go back to the start?"

She turned around to look at me, her eyes filled up with tears.
"I gave everything to you. Every last bit of me there was left to give. You have it all, my heart, life, soul. And you broke it. You took what you can't give back. And the fucked up part of it all is that even though I can hear my own heart breaking after all these months of separation, I'm still willing to love the same one that broke it."

She looked up at the sky as some drops started pouring down.
And once again I didn't know if it was tears or rain fallign down her cheek... but I'm certain they were tears.

"The sky is sad for the two of us." She whispered looking back at me. "You still love me?" I questioned and she nodded, surprising me and almost giving me a sign of hope that in time we'll be okay.
"I can't just stop loving you Shawn. But it still hurts."

"And I'm sorry about it, I should've told you." I whispered as I cupped her cheeks and resting my forehead against hers.
I closed my eyes as I embraced this moment and I must say, I'm surprised that she didn't pull away.

"I knew from the very start that you were someone else. When I stared in to your eyes and found you staring back at me you stole he air right out of my lungs. Like the world has stolen yours and broken you too. From the first words you spoke to me I was already craving more of you as the days went past. We had our own infinity Adriana, crammed in to the space of time. And I hope you like the choice hat you made because I don't like mine. Leaving you broken when I wanted to heal you. I know this pain will always want to ache but I'll be here to wipe away your tears, even if you don't want me to. When you hold on to my hand I feel secure. You are my everything. And I used to fear oblivion, but now I don't. Because I know that when you're okay, I'll be okay too. You just need to know how much I love you." I said to her as the rain came pouring down even more.

I looked down at her hands before taking them in mine, intertwining our fingers.
"I want to show you something. Something I did that past month."
"Okay?" She said more like a question.

"Will you come over tonight. To the cabin? Home." She hesitated for a long while, but eventually nodded.
"Thank you." I kissed her cheek even though I miss her lips. "Shawn wait." She whispered and I turned back to her just as I was about to walk away.

We're standing in the pouring rain, but no drops affect me when I want to be with her, close to her.
Have her.

She didn't say anything, she looked at me for a while and then pulled me in to a hug. I heard her sighing a relief sigh as she wrapped her arms around me and resting her head on my chest.

"I miss you." She mumbled.

And then she left.

I watched her as she disappeared behind the corner of the school. I'll see her tonight I hope, and I won't let her leave, I'll keep her.
Even if I have to fight with everything within me.

This love is meant to be and I won't lose it again.