Love Suicide

LXXXII

DECEMBER 22: Tuesday

JACQ

I flinched when I started to open my eyes and there's a sudden feeling that I've felt. And it's so strange. Masyadong mainit 'yong hangin na ini-inhale at ini-exhale ko.

"Kamusta?" I almost jump in shock when I heard that voice and what he asked me. He's on the right side of my bed and I know he's seated on the floor.

My eyebrows furrowed. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked him.

He just smiled at me. "I'm sorry." Hindi ko siya inintindi at tumalikod sakaniya.

"You didn't even accept my apologies a while ago so why would I accept yours?" I asked him.
Naramdaman ko ang pag-upo niya sa kama.

"Because I know that I've hurt you."

"Leave." Hindi siya nag-ingay. Ramdam ko na tumayo na siya. I heard him sigh and I close my eyes.

I don't want to see him. Shame on me.

"I'm not going to leave--"

"I said leave!" Pinikit ko ng mariin 'yong mata ko dahil biglang sumakit ng sobra 'yong ulo ko nang sumigaw ako.

Narinig kong bumukas at sumara 'yong pinto. I heavily sigh.

Ang babaw naman namin, pakshet.

But I should've not kissed him!

I roll in my bed not minding the wet towel slip on my forehead. Ginulo ko 'yong buhok ko at sumigaw habang naka. "Damn it, Jacq Nav. What comes into your mind that you made yourself kiss--"

My eyes widened when I suddenly felt a warmth that cover me. I can smell his perfume, h-he's hugging me.

But I thought he left already?

"Please Jacq, forgive me." He whispered to my ears.

Ang iyakin ko na 'no? Ang babaw ko.

"I'm sorry." I said, keeping myself from crying. I don't want to cry in front of him again. "F-for kissing you. I'll never do that again."

"So you mean we're never going to be together?" I pushed him, causing him to lay next to me.

"No." I said immediately.

"Aw that's sad. You'll never going to kiss me again." I looked at him and he's pouting.

And in an instant, akala mo, magkabati na agad kami.

"I shouldn't have kissed you in the first place--"

"Because why would you even do that?" I close my eyes from what he asked.

Of course, it's because I love you, damn idiot.

But still, I don't have the fucking courage to tell him the truth.

"Unless you realized that you love me too?" He asked half joking.

But you know, that's true.

"What if totoo 'yang hinala mo?" I asked, absentmindedly.

"I'll kiss you now, just tell me."

But damn, I don't want a kiss. I just need him to be with me, in this lifetime.

"But that'll not happen." I said, smilingly looking at the ceiling.