𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

60 | need to blow off some steam

Jimin's POV

Two weeks later...

College sucks.

The life of a student who majors in dance can be very exhausting. I've prepared for this forever considering I started taking dancing seriously when I was five. My mother was a ballet dancer, but now she teaches at Carats one of the best dancing schools in New York.

In our old house we had a dance studio that is right between Mom and Dad's bedroom and mine. It was a spacious room with creme colored walls, bars and mirrors. She would train there for hours and when I was young I would just sit there and observe. The studio seemed to be her happy place-dancing was and to this day still is her happy place.

Her parents weren't particularly supportive of her when she was young, but she is a strong willed woman and an overachiever. If she set her mind to something in the end she would make sure to get it no matter what the cost. People say I'm tenacious and strong willed. Others claim I can be obsessive at times, but I like to think I'm determined just like my mother.

I don't regret any of the choices I made regarding my studies, because I'm willing to put in the work in order to get what I want in the end. People tend to overlook dance as a major, because all they picture is the performance. Sure, we work out, train day and night and perpetuate a healthy diet so that we give our best performance, but the list doesn't end there. We still have to study and participate in club activities and maintain a social life at the same time. I'm also majoring in creative writing in hopes that one day I can create my own entertainment industry. But that means that the load of work I have to do only increases and the free time I have is limited. Plus, I have a part time job as a server in order to pay for my expensive-as-fuck college fees. Or at least a part of them.

However, I've managed to discipline myself and I excel in the art of multitasking. The process was challenging at first, but eventually I managed to adapt to the extreme skedule I've created. It can be lonely at times, since I rarely see my friends outside uni. I can't afford to be in a relationship either unless they're understanding and incredibly patient. And patience is hard to find.

So yeah, chances are I'm gonna die alone.

College has nothing to do with the professional world and that stands for every major. It doesn't matter whether you've spent half your life studying to become a doctor or a lawyer because if you don't have hands on experience, something to showcase your skills and abilities, nobody will give a fuck about you.

College dance programs get intertwined with the student world and the professional world. When you're a student, you expect to be treated equally with your colleagues, to have some guidance from your superiors and receive some feedback on your work. As a dancer in college you're given the chance to prove your worth. In the professional world none of it matters. All the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears mean absolutely nothing to them and that's the ugly truth. The majority of people that get picked for major roles are most of the time random.

But that doesn't mean that college is any better. The competition is a cut-throat.

College dance combines both worlds and from my personal experience when I worked my ass off to get a good part I ended up not getting casted. I would have high hopes and ambitions only to end up getting so profoundly disappointed in the end. I'm a perfectionist so I when something goes wrong in the plan that I've orchestrated, it can drag me down to the point I would be depressed for days. Weeks even. I can't count how many times I fell in the black pit of self loathing and self pity.