𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

106 | alert

Jungkook's POV

"Why are you being so secretive about the poolhouse?" Elena suddenly asks as we walk around the pool. I think this is the first time, she's ever been at this area of the mansion because her eyes widen at the sight of the lit up pool. 

She paces slowly near the marble sidewalk, her gaze focusing on the circle shaped hot tub near the corner of the pool and the little lights that illuminate a faint tirquoise liquid shine towards the surface of the water. Apparently, someone forgot to turn off the lights in the pool, but I shrug it off. I find the way she stares at the hot tub oddly amusing and funny, and with that I think it's safe to assume that she's never enjoyed this luxury. 

In all the years I've lived in this mansion, I've only used the pool when I made sure that my dad and Marlene were out of town. However, I never invited anyone over to hang while they were gone, because I was ashamed of my body.

The scars on my torso, to be presise.

I don't feel comfortable exposing that part of me in public. Most people aren't as understanding or openminded and I am in no position of having to deal with something as small and petty as a judgemental glare to the looks of pity that I loathe with every fiber of my being. Getting such mildly conspicuous responses from regular doctors to psychologists made me want to hide myself from the world. Therapy can be a cure if you learn how to accept a helping hand. But I never wanted to talk about my issues with anyone, because I simply didn't want to. I was used to masking pain by adding more pain. It was convinient that way; this fast and quick relief and as fucked up as this sounds I prefered it that way.

And I know it's all on me.

I knew that cutting my own flesh and watch the blood trickle down my stomach on the bottom of a freezer to distract myself was wrong, but I did it anyway. I never liked being confronted whether it was about my actions or desicions. Letting everything out in the open made me feel insecure about myself and I felt like anyone could use my weaknesses against me. Even my closest friends.

Elena's short lived laugh, jerks me back to reality. "Seriously though, are you hiding a dead body in there or something? Is that why you don't let anyone come here?"

I snort. "Maybe you'll be my next victim." I say. Tilting my neck only slightly, I catch a sliver of Elena wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to warm herself and tugs on the sleeves of her sweater, while she blows out air that comes out of her lips like smoke. That's when I find the opportunity to grab her again like I did earlier when we were still on campus.

"Ugh, put me down," she pants. "Don't squeeze me like that! I'm gonna pee!

Chuckling like crazy, I put her down in a flash and as soon as her feet touch the ground she steadies herself by holding onto my arm, while I fiddle with the keys in my grip. I tilt the key in the key hole, then hold the door open for her. She heads straight inside the dark room as I feel for the the light switch. Once I press it, the lights all flicker to life and I can finally see how her eyes examine her surroundings. 

Her expression alters from excitement to a slightly more confused one when her eyes fall on the multiple drying racks with rows of paintings taking up the space on one side of the room, along with shelves and shelves filled with art supplies. A couple of wooden tripods that support bigger canvases are scattered all over the room while a white cloth conceals the artwork from prying eyes. 

Elena's eyes widen as she paces slowly towards the decorator showcase with some of the art that I've put on display and a smile lingers on the edges of her lips when she touches the frame carefully, avoiding to come in contact with the painted areas. Most of the paintings that I've put on display are of landscapes and forests and some cloud studies. I also draw people, but I need to take an interest in them in order to paint them.