𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

91 | you'll need a drink for this

"You ask me anything you want and I'll answer truthfully. Then, I will ask you a question and you'll do the same." I say in a suggestive manner. "And we continue like this in an alternating sequence, until we've answered everything that we want to know about each other." Even though opening up to her about my past scares me more than anything, I now know that this is something I'll have to face right now. It was bound to happen either way.

Elena turns towards me, her hand in mine as a sad smile hangs loosely on her face. Her eyes are full of doubt and hope at the same time and I don't want to fail her again. She sucks in a breath and swallows deeply, her hand slightly tightening in mine.

"That sounds fair," she finally says.

I manage to convince Elena to get up and lead her to the living room where we take a seat on the sofa next to each other. She sits in a criss cross position and I lean against the corner and grab onto one of the cushions. Her eyes don't help me calm down in the slightest. Mellow brown pools twinkling like the smallest of Christmas lights as she keeps her quiet.

I want those eyes to continue looking at me with that innocent glow.

She fists the fabric of my jacket and licks her lips anxiously, her breath faltering as she tries her best to keep a steady gaze on me. Judging from her body language she's struggling to look cool and collected, which only makes it even more obvious that there are things I still don't know about her. Her hesitance is obvious from her slouched posture and her the fact that she doesn't say anything. Her movements are counted, precise. I know what kind of thoughts are circling around in that pretty head of hers, because we're sharing the same head-space. I'm hesitant about this as well.

I'm afraid.

Afraid that she won't understand. Afraid that I'll reveal too much and completely terrified that once she finds out what I did, the image of the selfish, arrogant asshole of a boyfriend she has somewhat has high hopes for, will shatter to pieces.

Elena clears her throat after a long moment and intertwines her fingers. Her voice comes out slightly shaky as she speaks, "I'll go first," she says, her eyes nailing mine. "Why did you go to Seoul?"

I take a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest like a drum. I don't really know what to expect as her reaction since the last time we had our serious talk, I basically initiated that my mother is dead. She will probably get angry at me for lying to her and honestly, I wouldn't blame her. I genuinely hope she doesn't hate me after this. When Elena notices my tentativeness, she rolls her eyes a little and takes my hand in hers, giving me a small smile. My palms are all sweaty and raw and my left leg is moving as fast as a machine gun.

"You can do this," she says. "One question each time right?"

"Yeah," I mutter and wipe my free palm on my jeans. Here goes nothing. "The reason I left for Seoul without telling you was because...I needed to visit my mother."

Elena stares at me stunned, eyes wide and her mouth forming an 'oh'. "You told me she died when you were eight." She manages to say after a little. I could see that she wanted to ask me why I lied, but she already knows the answer to that. "How is your mom?" She asks instead.

"She's in the hospital." I say plainly and she looks at me sympathetically. "She kind of has to be there all the time, which is why I leave New York whenever exams are over. I need to check up on her as much as I can."

"I hope she's okay." she says softly. "What's wrong with her?"

I smile thinly and criss cross my legs on the couch, mimicking her, "Why are you going to stop working at the Golden Closet?" I ask instead, since she already asked me a question.