𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

69 | attached

Elena's POV

Current time: 5:00-5:30pm

It has been only a few days and Jungkook hasn't returned from Seoul.

How long is he planning on staying there?

I miss him a lot. The reason why I miss him so much is probably because I have no idea when he's going to come back. He still hasn't called or texted me and that only crushes me further. It's bad enough that I found out that he's gone from Adonis Blackwood of all people, but the fact that he hasn't contacted me once wrecks me.

I know that I have the tendency to overthink things to the point that I create an entirely different scenario in my head that is ultimately worse than the actual situation. I just can't help it. My brain goes through so many things at the same time, it's driving me crazy.

Am I not good enough?

Did I do something wrong?

Jungkook finally revealed a fragment of his past to me and here I thought we were making progress then this happens. For a moment there, I actually thought I managed to break down the walls he worked so hard to put up, in order to keep everybody outside, when I don't even know him that well.

He doesn't trust me.

Adonis is right about us. If Jungkook really cared about this relationship we have, he would at least mention leaving to me. He didn't even have to tell me the reason for crying out loud, I wouldn't have pressured him.

Or would I?

Maybe that is why he left without telling me a thing. He probably anticipated my reaction and he knew that I would grow curious to the point that I wouldn't leave him alone.

Nevertheless, I'm not this kind of person. I know he's been through a lot and I know that it will take time to break through his defenses.

Besides, I have my own walls that he has to shatter. Jungkook has gotten closer to me than any other person ever has and I treasure that. I value this intimacy, this closeness. When I'm with him it feels like time around us just stops and all the troubles in the world melt away. Nothing else matters. And despite our arguments and disagreements, he's always there for me. I've never had that before and I never thought I deserved such a thing. I never thought I was worthy of keeping it either.

I love being with him. It's easy and difficult and challenging yet so simple and clean and dirty when it has to be. It has only been two months, and what I'm feeling scares me to death because I don't know how Jungkook will respond if I ever told him.

What if he doesn't feel things for me as deeply as I do?

I hate this. I hate how certain actions of his can affect me with such intensity. The small things he does for me, those little gestures... I love them. When he slips his hand in mine during class, or when he caresses my knee when we study together in the library. The way he kisses me when he drops me off at my apartment after class or how he grabs onto my pinky finger when we cross the street.

I love those things. And now he's in another continent doing God knows what.

What if he's with someone else? The very thought drives me insane. I don't want to be the insecure girlfriend who keeps tabs on her boyfriend at all times but at this point, I think I've earned the right to go insane.

There's this knot in my stomach that I can't unravel no matter what I do, because he's gone and now this gut wrenching feeling has settled like a cloud overwhelming me to the fullest. I can't even concentrate on my studies properly because of the bastard and I'm having mood-swings. I wish I knew what is on his mind. Maybe then I will be able to understand him better.