𝐄𝐘𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐘

98 | epiphany

I mindlessly blink several times to process what I just came to be cognizant of. I'm taking my sweet time to wrap my head around the fact that I, Elena Thorne am in fact in love with Jeon Jungkook and all I want to do right now is tell him, just how he expressed the significance I have in his life, because this is what couples do right?

I can't believe it; I am in love. For the first time, I think. It's almost eye-opening, as if my vision was blurry this entire time and now the fog has suddenly lifted. I can see clearly and I know that for sure.

I love him.

I don't just love him in the cheesy romantic way it's portrayed in the movies, all butterflies and fireworks and fluttery feelings that bubble up in the pit of your stomach, nor do I find myself craving for the romanticized cliches that almost every girl wants, like flowers and chocolates and cute dates. No, I don't want that. I want the real deal. I want him. All of him, if that's even possible. I want to be with him as often as I can, spend time with him even if it's just us two sharing the smallest table in the library studying, or staying cooped up in his room lying next to each other in silence. As long as I'm with him I'm at ease and I want to savor every single damn moment with him, because I simply enjoy being with him. We could be sitting on a pavement eating candy from a vending machine and I'd still have the time of my life. My mind is submerged in random thoughts that are all somehow related to him. All the good and bad memories, how he smiles and his upper lip disappears completely as he flashes a toothy smile. The dimples that surface on his cheeks and the mole that is located near the tip of his nose and right under his bottom lip. It's those little things that make me lose focus. I can't count how many times I forgot to eat or sleep just because I was reminiscing Jungkook related thoughts.

Movies can never compare to this.

Laying next to him like this feels like I'm in heaven, even though I believe that there's no such thing. Just how I don't believe in romance. I don't need to touch him, his presence is already enough, although if he wants me to touch him, obviously there's no fucking way I'll turn him down. Being only mere centimetres apart, I can inhale his scent, this intoxicating mix of mint and softener, only there's something to his smell that makes me utterly addicted. But it's not his perfume or his deodorant that make him smell that good nor is it his peppermint scented shampoo, because it's his actual body odor that drives me out of my mind, his pheromones if you may and all I want to do is just bottle it all up so that I can have my fix any time of the day. If I say all of this aloud he may think I'm insane for making such a big deal about his smell, but then again anyone would. But right now, in my mind I'm free to think about anything. I can scream and shout at him that I love him and we will never know how he will react. Part of me wants so desperately to confess those feelings to him, but I'm a coward. I've never done this before.

I mean sure, I've dated a couple of guys in the past that may have made quite the impression on me, but this-never. This is entirely new to me. Now that I know that I'm in love with him, I'm not so sure that I've ever felt this way about anyone before. Even Jimin and I had the biggest crush on him for the longest time.

It's strange, how knowing this and keeping these feelings to myself are somehow physically painful. There's this ache in my chest and my body pleads me to lift the pain, only I can't. At least not right now. It feels like there's a bird in my rib cage that begs me to set it free and I'm the one that prevents it from flying because I don't open the door.

Fuck I'm such a coward.

This is the right moment though.

Jungkook, literally just confessed his feelings to me. Okay, he didn't actually tell me that he loves me but he did say that I'm important. That has to count for something right?