Elephants - A OneRepublic/Ryan Tedder Fanfic

Chapter 86

“Do you want something to eat?” Adam asked, obviously worried. I shook my head. I haven’t said a word since. Not to anyone, just talking to myself. I fucked up the one good thing I had, the most important thing I had. My hand made its way to the locket around my neck, I ignored Adam, refusing to look up. “They have a show tonight, you have to go with them.” Fuck. I can’t travel with Dan, he started this. I can’t travel with Ryan, he already hates me. I stayed silent, words can’t fix this. Adam sighed and left me alone. Thank God.

 

“I don’t know dude, I think he is letting her go.” Zach sighed, I wish they would stop talking about me in my own room. It’s very inconsiderate.

“She is falling apart, she isn’t talking, eating or doing much of anything. I’m worried, but how is she gunna get there?” Adam sounded wrecked. Am I making the right decision? Maybe, maybe not.

“Our bus. I’ll keep an eye on her, head home Adam. We’ll do our best.”

“Thanks man, I’ll call her parents. Tell them what’s going on.” I heard the door close. I want to give her a chance, but to get my heart broken again… I can’t deal with it.

 

 

 

 

I got onto the bus with the help of Zach, he placed me on the sofa and looked at me for a second. I had no tears left, I was empty. Completely drained. I should try and win him back, but I know it won’t work. It’ll upset him even more.

“Can I get you anything?” Zach asked eventually, I shook my head. Silence is my friend, if I don’t talk they won’t realise how broken I am. I heard the door open, the voices of the rest of the band, but one in particular stood out. Ryan. I wished he wouldn’t see me like this, a broken mess. But my body was so tired, I could barely move, if I could bring myself to care I would be worried. His eyes fell on me as soon as he entered, the room was silent, I continued to stare at the locket in my hand. I had it open and was trying desperately to believe I was there and nothing had changed.

“Adam said he called your Mum, she’s worried.” Eddie told me slowly, sitting beside me. I shrugged. “Say something.” He pleaded.

“I’m giving up on you.” My voice was broken and raspy and after a very brief smile, I completely broke down yet again. So much for no more tears. Eddie held me as I sobbed against him, the others stared in shock. Zach had experienced this before, I’m sure he was less shocked. “I fucked up. I ruined everything. Why? Why?” I managed to force my eyes to Ryan, to see his pained face, he caught my gaze and hurried off to his room. I retreated back into the hole of insanity. Susan and Kim took a shot at calming me down, it helped a little.

“You can get him back, I know you can.” Susan assured me, I suddenly felt a wave of energy. I forced myself up and stumbled into his room. He looked up from his phone and froze.

“Hear me out! I was drunk, I was sad you had left me. Dan had expressed a certain amount of interest, he was desperate and drunk and I was there. It’s not something I would ever want do to you. I hate myself for it. I just. I am so sorry.” The energy faded away as I fell to the ground. He looked at me with pity.

“I love you. But I can’t go through this again. I can’t have my heart ripped to pieces.”

“Baby, it won’t happen again. I promise. I am so sorry.” The next five words that left his mouth were enough to make me sick, enough to make me realise the damage I’d caused.

“It’s too late to apologise.” He turned from me. We are over. This is the end. I forced myself from the room, making it to the kitchen area before giving up. Sitting on the floor and wallowing in self-pity. Eventually someone walked in, I couldn’t bring myself to find out who. I felt lost and empty. More so than earlier. That tiny bit of hope I still had, Ryan threw that away. He is killing me.

“What are you doing on the floor?” Is it bad I don’t recognise their voice? Probably. All I want is Ryan. I want to hear him and hold him. But I can’t. I can never do that. Because I hurt him. I did this. “Amy? You are beginning to scare us. Come on.”

“I’m fine here. Leave me alone.” I managed to say.

“Do I need to get Ryan?”

“NO! I DON’T NEED HIM.” I screamed. “He doesn’t want me anymore. I hurt him. So, it’s only fair.” I added.

“What do you mean?”

“This is killing me. I need to leave. I want to go home.” I forced myself to look into their eyes, it was Zach. He would understand.

“You sure?” I nodded. “I’ll go book your flight now.”

“Thanks Zach. I want to leave straight after the show.” I took deep breaths, forcing myself to appear sane. To appear as if I have made the right choice, that this is what I want. When really it is the opposite of what I want. That’s what happens when you make awful life decisions.

A/N - Wow guys over 9K! I can't thank you enough :) Still desperate for sequel name ideas, so please help me out if you have any XD Please vote and comment, I love hearing what you think.