Sent To The Past (Interracial Romance)

CH. 84 "Are you really fine?"

CH. 84 "Are you really fine?"

(Amala POV)

I had my arms wrapped around Tut; I could tell he didn't know what to do; he had his arms by his side and showed no gesture of moving.

"Mala, I adore your embraces, but why is it that I feel like that there is a huge meaning behind this one?" He said.

I pulled my head back and looked at him.

"Tut, of course, there is a meaning behind this hug. Whether you know it or not, I know that you're feeling something with what just happened." I said to him.

He tilted his head and lowered his eyes.

"I don't even know what I am feeling right now." He said; he shrugged his shoulders and just continue to stare at me.

"Although I don't know what I am feeling right now, I can tell you that you probably don't know either, or you think I am feeling something I am not." He said to me.

"Tut." I started to say but was cut off by him.

"Mala, I don't feel any regret about what happened." He said to me.

"I know you don't feel any regret Tut, but you can't tell me you don't feel anything," I said to him in a serious tone.

"Why is that? What is that you think I feel?" He asked me.

"I am not exactly sure, but it could be a mixture of shock and sadness." You said to him, and he looked at you confused.

"Why would I feel sadness? I wanted him dead." He said, and I let out a sigh.

"Even though you wanted him dead, even though he was an evil person. He was still your father who had a massive impact on your life. Even though it wasn't a good one, it was something that causes turning events in your life to happen." I said to him.

"It's good that he is dead." He said.

I nodded my head slowly.

"I understand that, and I do not disagree with you on the fact that it is good that he is dead, but I am saying that it is okay to feel something, anger, pain, sadness not because he is dead but because it had to be this way," I said to him in a soft voice.

"That he had to be a bad person, that he had to be someone who caused others to feel so much pain and suffering," I said to him, seeing a look come across Tut's face.

"I knew you thought about it, even before this. I know you've thought, why was he that kind of father? Why is it that he did those things and didn't feel bad about doing them?" I said.

"You're allowed to feel whatever it is that you're feeling Tut, I just want you to know that, and I don't want you to think that you have to hide your feelings from yourself or even around me," I said to him.

"You're allowed to feel," I said to him with an even softer tone.

Tut looked at me, and I saw it, the glint of tears in his eyes.

"I don't know what to feel; I don't feel sad that I had a hand in his death. No, I know I don't, but I just don't know how to describe the way I am feeling." He said to me; he threw his hands up.

"I don't know what it is; I don't know how to explain this. This man, this bastard, has made horrible impacts on others' lives. He has even harmed his own family. He didn't care about anyone else but himself. As long as he was satisfied, no one else mattered." Tut said, shaking his head.

"I knew he was evil, but I just realize how much of an evil person he was. He was not only evil to his family but to outsiders as well; he ruined not only our lives but other people. This man would have never been stopped if he wasn't killed. So why is that I feel this way? Why is it that I am angry that this man happened to have been my father? Why couldn't I have a caring, loving father?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, Tut, I am. As sad as it sounds, sometimes it doesn't happen like that; sometimes, there can be evil people in good people's lives that impacted who the good people become. Your father was that person for you; I know what you're feeling isn't sad because he is dead, but you're feeling something. You see, you're someone who had a monster in your life, ever since you were a kid. This monster was someone that you were afraid of when they started ticking." I said to him.

"And now you just defeated this monster, only to realize. You weren't his only victim. He had others now; what you feel is a relief, sad as well but relief that now you don't have to look over your shoulders and wonder what he's up to next. That you don't have to think about the other people he's going to attack because he will no longer be able to." I said to him.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you were once a scared little boy who was afraid of angering his father because of how evil he was and was always walking around tiptoes around him," I said to him.

"I'm sure everyone was, and what you're feeling can be similar to what everyone else is feeling well," I told him as I lifted my hand and took one of his, squeezing it.

"That is why I hugged you and am letting you know I am here for you. No matter what, I will always be." I said to him.

"I hated him. I hated him so badly; he took a chance of growing up with a mother away from me; he was never a father figure. He never cared for any of us as his children. I hate him." Tut said as tears fell from his eyes.

"A man doesn't cry; a King doesn't cry." He said.

"No, Men are allowed to cry, and so are Kings, don't ever be afraid of showing me your emotions. If you don't want to show others your emotions, that is okay, but I want you always to feel free to show me your emotions. As I will not judge you for any of them but understand." I said to him.

I was pulled into a hug, and it took me off guard, but I let him hug me.

I let him let it all out and let him say whatever it is he had to say.

Some of the words were not understood because of the emotions coming from him, but the words I could pick up on had me rubbing his back as I hugged him back.

"Thank you for being you." He said.

"Anytime, honey," I said as I held him tighter. "Anytime."

(*Kassandra Speaks*)

Of course, Tut felt something, although it was not sad about his father being dead other emotions that can have him feeling miserable. I believe Tut needed closure with the considerable impact his father had on him, and he was given that with Amala pestering.

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-Kassandra Vivu

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